My husband has bought a car behind my back

[PinocchiosWife]

My husband seems to think that this is perfectly reasonable behaviour and I should actually be delighted.

Sorry for the length, didn't want to drip feed!

For context, we have been really struggling with money for a number of years. We had an old banger to get around in, and it was due it's MOT and supposedly booked in for it on a Monday a few weeks ago. I went away for a week working on the Friday before this.

When I returned I was surprised (to say the least) to find this lovely plush car picking me up. My first question was "where did this come from?“ to which he replied really sarcastically "a garage". I then asked where he'd found the money to pay for it, and he said a loan. He was obviously getting really angry so I didn't ask any more initially.

When he was calmer he told me that our car had failed it's MOT, and that he'd borrowed the money for this new car from some friends. He told me how much the car was, but refused point blank to tell me how much he'd borrowed. Apparently it wasn't like that in his family growing up - his dad would just buy a new car and his mum would just say oh that's lovely dear. Because of this he's unable to tell me about big financial decisions. 😂

Anyway a little while later, I discovered that not only that the car was more than he'd said, but also that he'd borrowed much more than the cost of the car. I also found out that the previous car had never even been for it's MOT, but had been traded in for the new car. The biggest shocker to me was that the new car had arrived on the Saturday (a day after I'd left on the work trip). He'd not mentioned any of this at the time despite speaking to me on the phone every day.

When I asked him about this, he said he didn't have to tell me how much he'd borrowed, and continued lying about the cost of the car. Then he said that I didn't trust him, didn't communicate, and proceeded to be horribly angry at me for another week.

So, if you've read all of that malarkey, congrats!
Aibu to expect that spouses should share this kind of information? Or am I not?
Over to you, wise mumsnetters!

Where did you get that info from? I don’t think that’s true at all, unless you have entered into the credit / loan agreement together. You’re not responsible for someone else’s debt purely by virtue of marriage.

Sorry that was supposed to be in response to this from justasking111.

Where did you get that info from? I don’t think that’s true at all, unless you have entered into the credit / loan agreement together. You’re not responsible for someone else’s debt purely by virtue of marriage.

He’s lying.
he is dishonest, abusive and lazy to boot.
https://nnedv.org/content/about-financial-abuse/#:~:text=Financial%20abuse%20is%20a%20common,accessibility%20to%20the%20family%20finances.

If there's secrets like that they are hiding something! You should BOTH know what's coming in and out of the house! Lying about money is absolutely awful!!

He's lied and gaslighted you into becoming the one in the wrong financial decisions should be made by both especially when money is an issue .
Borrowing from an old lady who's garden he does would also concern me ALOT and if I was her family member I'd be going spare , has he coerced her into it? Because to me it sounds like he's hoping she will pass before he had to repay much of this loan it all sounds dodgy as he'll and I'd be paying her a visit to find out exactly how this came about to begin with !

How "elderly" /frail is she? I think her relatives might hit the roof with him if they find out, or possibly take legal action. However it doesn't sound like she's so advanced that they have p.o.a as she's been able to lend. So he's not actually giving her the money, just working it off by gardening? How will her estate calculate what is outstanding if that arrangement "ends"? Sounds very unusual and suss to me and if I were you I'd be insisting the car goes back and the money repaid or he can leave. I totally understand why you are not happy about any of this. He seems detached from reality.

That might be what you need to do. Can you go back and get the car he traded in?

Of course, except the brainwashed feminists.
Why can't you have financial independence and get your husband do financially maintain you. Your money is yours. His money is yours .

This would be a deal breaker for me. His behaviour is disgusting. Divorce.

Because I have self-respect.

I would hit the fucking roof if I found out my DM had been talked into an unsecured loan with some itinerant workman. My brothers would have already been round to get the keys.

What an utterly seedy, despicable thing to do.

Why are you using the term feminist as a slur? You do realise that feminism means equality for women? You sound like an idiot.

Well if you wish to take it as slur then do so. The idea of feminism has brainwashed some . Do you think men and women are really equal ?

@MarrymeJM

Do you think men and women are really equal?

I think that men and women as sex classes should have equal respect, opportunities, responsibilities, autonomy and rights.

Do you not?

OMG this is financial abuse.
He'll "work it off" pah!

I hope her family find out & go straight to the police
In your shoes I would be livid and I'm not sure if there is any coming back from this sort of action.

I'd definitely separate my finances from him.