Partner leaving me because I called him a cunt

[harrycantdrive]

I’m 6 months pregnant. Around 12 weeks into my pregnancy my partner stopped being positive and happy about it and became distant and quiet, lots of silent treatment, too much drinking (in my opinion anyway) etc etc. On a few occasions I called him a cunt for being so nasty to me without explanation. I text it a few times too. Since then we talked more and I thought we had got back to how things were, however, he came home drunk yesterday and I said this is the start of awful behaviour again, to which he said ‘it will give you an excuse to call me a cunt again…’ I then said I thought he was being a cunt previously and if he starts being nasty again I will think he is a cunt again. (Yes I am aware how childish this sounds written down). He’s now said today that actually he doesn’t want to be with someone who could have called him that and he’s leaving. I am too exhausted to even begin to argue or reason with him. I’m devastated that I will be alone while pregnant, I never wanted that for me or our baby. I keep feeling guilty that I have ruined our family unit by what I said and then the next moment I think hang on, this isn’t on me, he’s been a terrible partner and I lashed out. I get that the relationship is over now regardless, I can’t look at him the same way anymore, but I now carry this consuming guilt that if I hadn’t snapped and used such terrible language that maybe we would have resolved things. I’m so tired and sad.

Don't forget that your "wife" got also arrested for being drunk and disorderly.

Hopefully, OP can move on and have better relationships, partner sounds like bad news though.

I mean unless my wife was arrested for attacking me while drunk or something I can’t say I’m fussed.

Drunk and disorderly can be as simple as drunk and loud, not stfu when the police tell you too. Not cool but not terrible in the grand scheme.

I wouldn't want to stay around someone who used such vile, abusive language. Let's just hope you don't use it around those poor kids.

Being called a cunt is really dehumanising, he will never accept he was being one, so why call him it

I think calling someone a cunt In anger is pretty offensive and I would not tolerate it.

That said it’s very clear that the relationship was highly dysfunctional anyway. As @Comedycook says he was almost certainly looking for an excuse to leave, clearly wasn’t comfortable with the pregnancy and was drinking heavily.

I think if you’re honest with yourself you will realise that this isn’t a good relationship and you’re better off out of it. But you calling him a cunt wasn’t the reason. And while I’m not excluding the way you spoke to him there were clearly mitigating factors. He’s a deadbeat.

Focus on building a support network to get through the pregnancy and moving on. You are well shot of him.

What makes you think he was driving? OP didn't say that.

I'm a strong believer in truth in relationships. If someone's behaving in a way that can be described as making them a cunt, them call them a cunt. If they think they don't deserve it they can say so or they can call you a prick/bastard/bitch etc. If your relationship degenerates into name calling and there's "no coming back" from it, then the relationship's over. Better all round if you can't communicate with each other better.

One expresses dissatisfaction through nasty behaviour; one through name calling. I'd rather be on the receiving end of name calling, believe me.

Oh come on it's fairly obvious he wanted them to split up and engineered things so that she'd look like the bad one.

I misread it, sorry.

It sounds like your relationship has been broken for a while. You both acted immaturely. It doesn't sound like he wants to be a father and at the moment you are bringing the worst in each other.

Unless you both want to stay together and perhaps do some intense counseling, I think your relationship is over.

I agree with this. No respect left on either side. Good luck with the baby.

It sounds like he wanted out, op, and knew what to do to produce a certain reaction that would be used as his reason to leave. I wouldn't bother feeling too bad about it. Your baby's better off without a drinker around. Just focus on you and your baby. Do you have family/friends to support you?

OP , you’ve referred in one of your posts to not wanting to be painted as the villain. By whom? It doesn’t actually matter what he thinks because he won’t be truthful anyway. You need to let go of wanting to have the last word and, once the dust has settled, look at your part in it, his part in it etc and try to learn something. It was never going to work by the sounds of it. You know where you were in the wrong - rather than reacting you should have walked away - but who cares what he thinks anyway?

here comes the swear word police 🙄 cunt is the same as any other swear word, its another word for fanny, its not some super horrific word!!
would he have preferred you call him a dick/asshole/bitch/motherfucker instead?
it sounds like he wanted to leave and hes treating you like shit to force you to react and youve reacted now...
just let him go youll be better off without him

I also think he wanted to leave and you probably picked up on that and began lashing out. What you said wasn’t acceptable but tbh I don’t find that word worse than bitch, whore, dickhead etc. Some people are really precious about that word in particular.

Married over 30 years and we’ve never resorted to name calling. I hate swearing and I particularly hate the C word, of course, it’s become so acceptable to call someone that, that you’re laughed at and mocked for objecting to it….urgh, I’d walk too if I was subjected to that kind of verbal abuse.

He sounds like an absolute cunt and this thread is the weirdest I've read in a long time.

The guy was arrested for drunk and disorderly and hasn't apologised, the OP said a bad word in response to appalling behaviour and has apologised repeatedly but they're both as bad as each other?

Ignore it op. Absolute nonsense.

Exactly. 'You're a very naughty boy and you're hurting my feelings' probably doesn't quite get the message across.

You didn’t snap and call him that. By your own admission there was an escalating pattern of verbally abusive behaviour. The relationship is clearly toxic as hell and needs to end.

Have either of you been arrested for your drunken behaviour?

OP he sounds revolting and like he was treating you like shit, and when you called him on it a few times (it could be any word you used), he couldn't deal with it. He needs a pregnant wife who is so stuck that he can be abusive and she has no choice but to take it.

Take this as one of the biggest wins of your life and let the moron leave you. You will be 100% better alone.

100%!! As a pp said, swear word police are out in full force. For some of us especially younger generations that word isn’t worse than any other swear word. And calling someone it who is behaving like it, doesn’t mean she will calm her children that or be a bad parent. Some people on here are so ridiculous. Her calling a spade a spade is NOT the same as his shitty behaviour during her pregnancy. You’re well rid OP!

I agree with this. Sorry op 😔

Surely there’s a middle ground between the two? The word cunt was used several time by the OP’s admission. This is a deeply unhealthy way to conduct a relationship. It’s verbal abuse.

He didn’t leave because he was called a cunt, but I do think if you let your relationship deteriorate to that point then you’ve got serious issues. He clearly has been checked out for a while.

If you switched the genders here, you’d have far fewer sympathetic responses.

Jux, there are different versions of the truth in relationships, things are rarely black and white