DD lost money

[StarDolphins]

My 7 year old is alway messing in her money box, taking notes out & leaving them in various places for me to put back.

I’ve just gone in her bedroom, the lid is off & she can’t remember where the money is, she thinks she put it in the drawer but it’s not there. I can’t find it. I’ve told her I’m disappointed & cross & she knows I’m not happy at all & shes devastated at me being upset & cross. She doesn’t care about the money one bit, more that I forgive her.

Aibu to say she has to save her spends to put the money back now instead of spending it like she usually does?

The naming of pocket money ’spends’ doesn’t really encourage saving either. Might be worth changing it to start fresh with a different plan.

🙄Really?! She you a 7, she buys what she chooses.

Agat do you suggest? Something like’sapends’? Then I could explain the word is a mix of save and spends.

This is ridiculous. You are the adult, you should have been keeping her money safe! She's 7 FFS.

Just call it pocket money, and explain if she saves some each week then she will be able to buy better toys rather than tiny keyrings.

I see my comment was deleted, so I won't repeat the part I assume was considered problematic, but yes all parents make errors, I've made many of course.

Reflecting on where I went wrong has helped make things easier, it is one reason it is often hardest with the first child.

My 3.5 year old has the equivalent of £5 per week. We give it her in a lump sum so she’s able to buy something better than tat. She’s aware when she goes to the shops that some toys are worth two months pocket money and if she wants them she needs to save that months money. This creates conversations around only being able to spend the money once, saving for what you want rather than prioritising an instant fix you won’t use …

Her birthday money etc goes in a bank account. At 3.5 she already understand that she will need a large chunck of money when she’s older for a car/house deposit and long term savings are for that. You said your concerned about your daughter being unable to see the money grow but there are lots of tools for that, such as using coloured block, colouring the blocks in a spreadsheet.

Rather than focusing on punishing your daughter it sounds like you need to take some time to consider your long term strategy for teaching money management. Saving £1 a week sounds painful and would take a long time to have enough money to buy anything meaningful

I don’t actually remember saying or being shocked😂 frustrated yes.

You’re in a more pleasant mood this morning!

of course, I want to learn from errors. We’ve had a chat this morning, I told her I made a mistake by leaving the money box in her room & I know it must’ve been tempting. I then said we’ll go together to open an account & explained the reasons & she’s very excited.

Just because it’s partly my fault for leaving the temptation there and I don’t want her to see the change as punishment.

I have said this morning as part. Of the opening a bank acc that she’ll need to save some & have some to spend then she can save up.

I also asked her if she could try & look after her things.

Thank you & all you’ve said makes sense. I didn’t replace the nice sunglasses, I said she has to wear the old ones but other stuff I’ve had to like sun hat, watch etc & she only had 1 of them.

I’ve spoken to her this morning & explained about the bank account & that when we open it, she will need to save &2 out of her money but then she can save for bigger & better things & she’s excited to get the bank account. She then said could she earn more for her bank acc by cleaning the car with me like she did before. I gave her a £1 one day for helping (hindering really, it was like a foam party)!

I also told her of a time I lost some money & the reasons I was upset with myself & that we can’t change what’s happened so we had a cuddle & it’s sorted.

I don't think I'm in a better mood, my thoughts haven't changed but as my comment was deleted I shan't repeat the sentiment as MNHQ are in charge ultimately!

Your plan to open an account seems sensible. If you can find a bank that gives a bank book that can be exciting for young children as they can see the numbers go up.

She’s not bothered because she doesn’t yet understand the value of money. Unless she’s spending it and getting something in return, it means nothing to her.

Explain to her why you are upset and that money is very important and she will come to understand that when she’s older. Tell her that from now on you will be keeping her savings safe so this can’t happen again.

As for the money that’s gone missing, surely it will turn up somewhere?

She doesn't understand the value. To her it's bits of paper.

"That money you lost means no pocket money for 12 weeks. So from now, all over the long summer holidays and until the second week you go back to school in the autumn" Or "mummy has to work and be away from the house for x hours to earn that ".

That should do the trick and might focus her mind on where she put it.

Yes I agree, I think seeing the figure go up will help her.

There is only 1 bank near me that I don’t think will close & it’s Nationwide. I have a savings acc with them with a book so hopefully she can have a book too.

I’m saver, she’s seen me save for things. She’s heard me talking about saving for things so I’m sure I can pull this back.

I would use toy money in her money box until she understands the value of money a bit better. So if she gets gifted £10 for her birthday, you put the toy £10 in her money box and you keep the real money safe until your next shopping trip. That way she can still see how much she has and you can help teach her to save up for something she wants. I'm not sure I would replace the £60 if she's getting £5 a week pocket money anyway.

Oh OP children and money can be so frustrating..my DS lost £15 out of his pocket at a car boot cos the silly bugger kept taking it out to check it. We replaced it for him and told him to give us notes in future so they can be kept safe.

If it makes your dd feel any better tell her a grown ass adult (me) left £150 on a windowsill with the window open yesterday and forgot about it. The lot nearly blew away 😑. We all make mistakes.

If it hasn't turned up by the next shopping trip I think that you should replace it.

You know that she plays with it & did nothing.

Perhaps in future half on a shopping trip & half saved if she gets a fiver a week to waste anyway!

Oh no! I will tell her about this after school!

I told her this morning that I left £200 in a perfume box then chucked the box!

I’ve looked everywhere for it. We had a chat this morning & I explained I shouldn’t have left the money there as it’s too tempting at her age to keep getting it out etc and that we’ll open a bank account.

I always share my savings goals and explain how many hours I have to work for things so hopefully as she grows, she will learn the value. Saving some of her £5 will help I think.

She's lost her own money, why should she have more taken away from her as punishment? I'd understand if she'd taken money out of your purse and lost that, but wanting to punish her for losing her own stuff is mean... Also as pp have said, if you know she likes to take money out and play with it, it's your responsibility to make sure that's not possible with a more secure box or by putting it into a bank account

Thank you, I don’t think I can do this. I take responsibility for the fact I left it there. I did reiterate this morning that I really would like her to start keeping a bit more track of her belongings though. Especially money as once it’s gone, it’s gone.

I wanted her to pay half of it back with me initially.

She is 7 not 17. Give her a break.

indeed. As I’ve said many times, this is my plan.