DD lost money

[StarDolphins]

My 7 year old is alway messing in her money box, taking notes out & leaving them in various places for me to put back.

I’ve just gone in her bedroom, the lid is off & she can’t remember where the money is, she thinks she put it in the drawer but it’s not there. I can’t find it. I’ve told her I’m disappointed & cross & she knows I’m not happy at all & shes devastated at me being upset & cross. She doesn’t care about the money one bit, more that I forgive her.

Aibu to say she has to save her spends to put the money back now instead of spending it like she usually does?

OP the lack of accountability despite the many posts pointing out your mistakes as a parent is striking.

Also the frequent comparisons to her friends are nasty. You only see a small fraction of their behaviour, I’m sure they’re not wonderful all the time. Please don’t become one of those mothers who openly compares other children to their child within earshot of their kids.

Anyway, thanks to the helpful suggestions, I’m going to definitely do these. I will still give her the £5 at weekend but get her to save £1 per week now.

My comment was in response to yours about her "I still have my older pair of sunglasses" when she lost her new ones. You seem to suggest this reaction in itself is a problem. I don't think it is and I think it's a much better one than crying and moaning about the loss, as some children do.

Yes, certainly, it's not good to lose things and it is good to keep track of your belongings. It's still better to accept the loss once it's happened. It's not clear from your post that she's constantly losing things - you point out this incident in addition to the main topic of your post - but if she is, as she's only 7 and therefore out in the company and care of adults, some responsibility rests on the adults there with her.

I don’t need to be accountable. I came for advice on a specific thing, Aibu to get her to pay it back from her spends. Most have said this is unreasonable so I’ve taken this on board & wont do it.

OP I think you have had a bit of a tough time. I think yes you could have moved the money box or opened a bank account, but those things didn't happen. We can all be wise after the event. The thing I took from your post is. a fiver a week seems a lot for a 7 year old. Added to which if she keeps losing stuff and doesn't care about the money, I would be pissed off too. You just need to try and get her to understand the value a bit and I also hope the money turns up. Its very frustrating when they don't care, but I wonder if you are being a bit too generous. Getting a new toy with fiver a week is quite a lot.

Well, don't!
Teach her a lesson and don't buy her anything.

Yes I agree & I do keep track of her things but also at 7 I don’t think it’s unreasonable for her to loosely keep track of her things too. I know things get lost of course.

I cannot see why you are matching it ??? Natural consequences she has lost £60 ( which will turn up at some point no doubt ) you pay £5 towards it means she has to put half back .

honestly clean slate . Tell her save £2 a week - school holidays we will go open you up a bank account see how much we can save by then - much more drama created than necessary.

So?
She doesn't deserve it if she has lost £60!

Prepare for all the perfect mummies to give you an almighty bollocking for this!

You are just as much of terrible mother as I am & they’ll be here soon to pile it on🤣

Thank you & yes I agree with this. This is my plan.

Thank you & yes I think I agree now this is too much. I am still going to give her the £5 but she can only freely spend £4 & save the other £1.

That's really unfair. She doesn't give a shit about the money because she seems to be accruing it for no reason. You care about the money so put it in a bank account. You can't leave her with that amount in a money box and expect her to not play with it. She cares about toys not savings. She's 7! Put it in a bank and stop being angry at her for no reason. You set her up to fail here. This isn't a good way to learn about money.

It means more to you than her - I’d stop keeping the notes at home and put it into her bank account.

I can understand why she's not bothered because the savings don't feel like real money since she can't go out tomorrow and spend it. Ultimately the consequences would come if she wanted to buy something big but didn't have the funds. Could you talk about when the next shopping trip would be and how much she'd want to spend there and agree how much to put away each week so she has money to spend?

It's not a big deal she's not upset since it won't happen again because you'll be looking after her savings for her. It's as much a lesson for you as her.

Have her spend this weeks money on the new money box?

If there were notes in there they should have been removed and banked.

The money box ought to be for saving coins

at 7 she doesn't fully appreciate the value,.

And I'm sorry but you shouldn't have left that amount where she could play with it

Because she doesn't see the difference!

If she's Year 2 she's just getting her head fully round the concept of money and she just understands what she's been allowed to spend

You should have put it away for her

Erm in now way would our 7 year olds have that amount in there room handy to play with or whatever. They have money boxes on a shelf in our room to take out when they want something. She's 7 for goodness sake that was you being irresponsible not her

Thank you & yes the money box is now gone & we’ll go together in the hols to open a bank account.

I will have a think about what to do about shopping trips/where the money comes from but I’m not going to let her ‘spend’ all the £5 each week. I will this weekend as I don’t want to insist on keeping some bs k to save on the babk of this but I will shortly broach the subject!

Sorry but it's really stupid to leave a money box with notes and a removable lid in a 7 year olds bedroom, especially when you have had to find this money before because you know she plays with it.

Have you got a magical money tree in the garden or something?

I too think you have had a rough ride OP. She is old enough to understand that things don’t magically appear.

I think there does need to be some sort of consequence for losing things. For example if the sunglass situation was to happen again, or something similar, then deduct her £5 by £1 and tell her that’s to replace what she lost/broke/mislaid

It sounds like the weekly pocket money is something she connects with, unlike her money box money, so that is where she will take notice

I am irrationally more bothered by the word "spends" than anything else on this thread.

Thank you & (sorry😃) it did make me feel better!

She got told off which is a rarity so that’s enough of a punishment. Far more upset caused by seeing me so frustrated than the loss of the money so that might even make her look after her things!