DD lost money

[StarDolphins]

My 7 year old is alway messing in her money box, taking notes out & leaving them in various places for me to put back.

I’ve just gone in her bedroom, the lid is off & she can’t remember where the money is, she thinks she put it in the drawer but it’s not there. I can’t find it. I’ve told her I’m disappointed & cross & she knows I’m not happy at all & shes devastated at me being upset & cross. She doesn’t care about the money one bit, more that I forgive her.

Aibu to say she has to save her spends to put the money back now instead of spending it like she usually does?

I know interest rates are crap but it could be earning something. I do sympathise with you though and really hope you find the money.

YABVU. Losing the money is a natural consequence, but you never should have allowed her to have free access to it knowing what she’s like and you need to take responsibility for that.

she gets 5£5 one week from me then £5 the next from my mum but I’m going to change it slightly. She still gets it but she has to save £1 of it so only gets to spend £4 AND she will have to do little jobs through the week - making sure all her stuff is put away, & wiping the table (which she absolutely loves anyway)

OK so from this week, on top of upsetting you and feeling crap that she's let you down, she now has to suddenly earn her £5 and she has to save some of that regardless of what she'd like to buy.

It's just going to feel like more punishment.

But that's still 6 weeks. That's lots of punishments. Surely 1 week is plenty of punishment. I'd be making her look around the house as it must be there somewhere.

Thank you! I think I will just accept it’s gone if not!

Maybe it’s more a looking after her stuff type thing. Her friend really looks after her stuff very well whereas my DD loses so many things I buy! & she just doesn’t care!

She lost some beautiful sunglasses the other day which were a lovely gift from her friend & she just said ‘it’s ok, I will wear my old ones!)

Children shouldn’t receive money for doing basic household chores.

They should do basic household chores because that is what you do when you’re part of a family; you all muck in together.

You shouldn’t bribe them to help with money. What exactly is that teaching them? Only help out if there’s something in it for you? What a terrible lesson.

She's 7 and it's HER money.
Why be shitty with her about it?
She doesn't need punishing, or indeed chastising.
If she's unable to take responsibility for money in a money box yet, then support her by getting money that family etc give her in a bank account.
Poor kid.

You give a 7yo £5 a week - £260 a year - to spend on whatever crap she likes?

No wonder she doesn't value or understand money. Doesn't sound like you do either so not sure why you're upset about the money box.

So if we’re both putting £5 in & I’m halving the amount we need to replace, how is that 6 weeks? It’s 3.

£60.
£5 a week.
12 weeks.
60/5=12

If you match fund her
£60
£10 a week.
6 weeks.
6/10=6

That's still 3 weeks too long. Why do you want to keep punishing her for something that wasn't her fault.

Exactly.

DD did something I keep letting her do. Now she's lost something that is hers and which only affects her.
AIBU to draw out a punishment for nearly a month when she's already really upset that I've made it clear she's let me down and her friend would never do so!

She’s 7! You put coins in money boxes and higher value amounts go in a bank account. She is too young to grasp the value of money.

Yep, should not post when about to eat dinner and having a heated debate with DP about ten quid each week for something here! Leads to maths failures and clarity failures.

I meant a discussion, a sit down and think about what that money actually represents, as the two main problems here are:

1/Parent failure to manage childs money.

2/ Child has no real concept of how long it takes to save, what that money represents!

To her, that was toy money, if she can't spend it, doesnt know when she can, or what she can spend it on... it is meaningless.

So a sit down and a chat in terms she can understand:

'You get £5 a week, there was £60 in the tin, so it will take you 12 weeks to save up that £60 again. You would normally buy sweets/toys/etc with it... so that is a very very long time to go without those things - longer than the school holidays - when is 12 weeks from now, 3 months, thats into September....'

By getting HER to think about these things, offer answers, etc, you get her to see the value of the money. She will learn far more if she is involved in the discussion process.

And then some age appropriate solution to replacing the money, matching savings, etc etc.

Just handing her another £60 isn't the answer, but obviously actually making her pay it all back out of her £5 a week is too harsh and she will have long forgotten why by the time its all paid back and it'll breed resentment more than it will teach.

Why did you not just put the money in a bank account to begin with 😐 you let her mess around with the money lots of times it seems , it was an accident waiting to happen and it’s on you as a parent to have seen it coming tbh.

Well I’m obviously not going to link it to the lost money, I will just say that I e noticed she spends it all so I think she should save a small amount each week to save for bigger & better things.

She shouldn't be punished. It's your responsibility as the parent to put large amounts of money in the bank, not leave it in her room to be played with.

I clearly said I would tell her we’ll just replace half. So it would take 3 weeks.

OK so you expect her to be mature enough to value money, to cry and sob over losing this cash for the sake of the cah rather than disappointing you but you don't think she's going to put together "Mommy was really disappointed with me for losing the money in my tin and now I have to do chores to get my pocket money and she's making me put some of it in the tin and can't spend it"

I mean there's nothing wrong with getting her to save some, but I don't think kids should be paid to do housework and of course she's going to know.

Why is a 7 year old in charge of money in the first place?
And why is she being given a substantial amount of "spends" to regularly waste on todays?

A few coins is more than any child needs for recreational spending.

Sounds better than her weeping and crying about the loss. What do you want her to do?

You said I don’t want to punish her, I want her to look after her money & put it back. I think/thought that instead of have the £5 to spend as she usually does, it should go back in the box (alongside me putting £5 in to get it up quickly).
No mention of her having to only replace 30 between you (3 weeks) just that she'd only have to put half in (so £30 by herself, £5 a week, £30by you, £5 a week. 6 weeks)

And you're still dragging out a punishment for nearly a month assuming her next PM isn't until the weekend when she's made a accidental you were complicit in!

She’s not weeping & crying about the loss. She’s upset mainly because she saw I was cross about the money & because she hardly ever gets told off. She said this herself.

I want her to remember where she puts important things & I want her to try & take more care of her things.

Read the whole thread. £60 is missing. I said we’d just replace half (£30) & that I would pay £5 per week with her.

Still equals 3 weeks!