Guess how much money my partner spent..

[Itssnotunusual]

...On his fucking Xbox in the past year. I'm furious. Absolutely furious.

I get the ick from people watching soap operas or any type of reality TV.

Some people think it's reasonable to watch such shite, though. Same as some people play computer games and think that's ok.

We are big gamers in our family apart from my husband - my adult kids keep in touch with each other on an almost daily basis through gaming.

They are happy, responsible and independent adults who enjoy lots of things including gaming.
One of my sons lived at home over lockdown and we couldn't get over how much fun he had gaming. It's can be be so social and so much fun.
They play stupid mindless games and they play a lot of chess too so maybe that makes it better for some Mumsnetters.

I wonder if someones hobby was spending time on Mumsnet making snippy comments it would give a lot of people the idk too 😅

My adult kids all read and play various sports too.

The stereotype of sad gamers stuck in their rooms is just that. A stereotype.

None of that excuses the OPs partners behaviour though. He is a lazy selfish dosser.

Not for most people.

When was this? And haven't you ever heard of inflation?

To be fair I don’t see how reading and commenting on threads on Mumsnet is cooler than gaming…

Meh. I think if you conducted a meta-analysis of AIBU and Relationships you’d find that cycling causes as many issues in marriages as gaming does.

As a number of us are patiently (and apparently futilely) pointing out, the problem is almost never with the hobby and almost always with the selfish person behind it.

LTB.

Woah. Woah. Relationships are one thing. But if you're suggesting my wood elf's painstakingly decorated home in Elder Scrolls Online is anything other than a work of art I'm afraid I shall have to ask you to step outside.

OP I know you haven’t posted since yesterday and you have a lot of advice but I just wanted to add something.

so it’s clear he has problems with addictions, he’s probably feeling guilt shame ect himself but if he ever wants to get out of it he needs to face his problems with counselling or going to a group for addicts. People can change, I have a close family member who I would call ‘an addict’ and that includes gambling, alcohol, cocaine, Xbox spends, but hasn’t been on anything for the last year, works out 5 times a week now, eats healthily, good sleep hygiene, avoids all mind altering substances ect.

people who turn to addiction often have problems in their past/ mental health/ childhood issues and don’t necessarily need kicking out and shamed more if you love him and he wants to help himself it doesn’t always mean leaving him but ye definitely needs to work on changing.

Absolutely this. I’m not into gaming at all, but there’s no need for snobbery about it. Reading books or going to the opera is no more worthy.

I'm not interested in gaming at all but my husband likes to play PlayStation to unwind. I have no idea how many games he has or how much money he has spent on it, and I don't care. Because I know he would never spend either money or time we can't afford on his hobby. He works full time and pulls his weight at home.

Me too, my husband wonders why I don’t want sex with him , it’s because it’s like living with a teenage boy!

Well done OP.

Just to say that what you have done is immensely brave. I can tell you that today and tomorrow will be bearable as you'll still be furious and the adrenalin of that will keep you going, but in a week - when you and DC start to miss him - it will get hard for a while.

Just keep remembering that an addict who gives up all addictions is a VERY VERY rare thing. You don't need addiction in your life. It leads to misery speaks from bitter experience

I’m so sorry for u. It does sound like an addiction. If it’s any consolation I know someone that ran up a huge bill (one they couldn’t pay) on Xbox games and when I talked to them they had little memory of half of the purchases. It was simply the need to get to the next level/buy the best players etc that got them hooked. Maybe in time he will go for addiction counselling?

Have you tried counselling? You say you love him and his a great dad, it might be worth trying again with support. It sounds like he needs help and both of you as a couple as well.

No there is loads of ‘extras’ that apparently the average male idiot needs…

I don’t own a television and haven’t for over 7 years when we did have one it was only for the kids to watch DVD’s there usually only being a load of repeats on anyway. I’ve never been into soaps doucumentaries and crime programmes were more my thing.
I did buy one to watch the Queens funeral on but after that it was put back in its box. It’s in the loft now and it might never come out again. My furniture is pointed at my bookcases.

Very much so..............

You have absolutely done the right thing.

He may tell you he adores you. But he’s happy to lie to your face and leech off your parents. That’s not love, it’s manipulation.

He must have an alright job for that salary… how does he have the time to game and spend that much?

If it’s any consolation my dad was like this. My mum put up with him no matter what the latest addiction was….we had to sell the family home in the end because of his poor choices. And my Mum said she wished she’d left earlier when he’d made the third fourth or fifth bad decision, not the millionth that cost us our home.

It isn’t really about the x box it is the inability to manage finances. If there is a budget and plan to save, doesn’t matter if you spend it on make up or hair or eye brows or shoes or x box…it is all unnecessary expense and poor money management.

i think it is best if each person has a set amount for anything that is for them and they can spend it however they wish. Any spending on clothes, shoes, beauty, hobbies, coffees on the way to work come out of the monthly personal allowance. If he wants to spend his on x box - great.

At least people don't spend thousands of pounds watching soap operas.

Something needs to be done about these computer games. They are getting out of control, people get obsessed with them, it's come a long way from paying 10p to play space invaders in the corner of the pub.

Very good!

Exactly, it's HIS salary. As long as his half of any bills is covered I don't see the issue.

My ex partner was continually gifted money by his parents and grandparents, probably about 40-50k over a few years, but had a complete inability to save it and spent it all, on what I don't know. He then inherited £35k from an uncle and ran through it in two years and is now pleading poverty re child support. He also has a weed and I suspect now a coke addiction. As OP said, addictions and overspending run together frequently.

The only thing you can do with men like that is leave them.

Read the OPs posts. He couldn't afford to fix his own car or help pay for his child. She got into debt because he spent the money on fucking fifa.

The debt was approximately £1600 to fix his car and me eating into my overdraft as a way to make it through to the end of the month.