Guess how much money my partner spent..

[Itssnotunusual]

...On his fucking Xbox in the past year. I'm furious. Absolutely furious.

He really isn't a great df though is he? Lots of priorities before being a grown up..
Is he ever soley responsible for dc give he must be pissed or gaming most of the time?

Take the controllers balc and sell them.

And why is watching 50 west end shows better than playing videos games ?
Personally I’d rather watch someone breaking into my car than have to watch a west end show.
Each to their own.

There are plenty of free to play games without spending any money it’s no different to any other pastime/hobby.

The issue is he’s spent the money when it could have been used for towards benefiting the family and kept it a secret from the op.
He has an addiction and will need help if he’s going control it.

And I get the ick from people who judge what other people like when it doesn’t remotely impact them.

The issue here isn’t the gaming. The issue is the over spending and the lies. Gaming is fine and many people do it- lots of games cater almost exclusively to adults now and it’s just a hobby. No different from reading books or playing a sport or following a specific sports team.

All of those things can be a problem if they lead to overspending and debt and lies in a relationship. Also if they lead to less attention being paid to the relationship/family. In and of themselves they’re not an issue.

I’m not saying spending £70 on a West End show is better than spending £70 on an XBox game.

I’m saying spending four grand on in-game XBox purchases will always be a waste of money, because you’ve spent four grand on useless virtual crap designed to be addictive. It’s exactly like spending four grand in a virtual casino.

Our society does not benefit from people pretending spending thousands of pounds on virtual power-ups and skins is all just fine and normal. It’s not. It’s addictive and wrong and designed by smart evil people to weasel money out of weak people. Of course it’s terrible that he lied to the OP, but it’s also generally a dreadful waste of anyone’s money.

I have nothing against computer games but spending thousands of pounds on them is ridiculous. I remember when they used to come on tapes and cost £2 or £3. It's crazy how obsessed with them some people are nowadays, they talk about them at work as they are real life.

Aside from the money, I couldn’t think of anything less appealing than a grown man playing computer games.

The gaming to me is neither here nor there. It could be any hobby that he's been pissing money away on while the OP is going without and getting into debt. It's sneaky and incredibly selfish and clearly very much an addiction evidenced by the fact he's left...with the X Box. His marriage is collapsing and his first thought was packing up his console so he can play that at his parents house.
Everyone is entitled to enjoy a hobby. It's when you are putting that hobby ahead of your own family and their needs that it's an issue.

Well done for ending things, OP. He has behaved terribly, the lying and hiding things is the absolute worst. I’m so glad you’ve got a caring family behind you, you will manage this with their support. Good luck.

Perhaps the question should be what is driving him to spend so much time and money on this, what is he escaping from?

On fifa the way the in game purchases work are very much like gambling. You don’t buy a specific item eg - a player or kit . It’s randomised, a lucky dip.

this is gambling and needs to be treated as an addiction in the same way all his other issues are addiction based.

you’ve done the right thing asking him to leave. He’s an addict that needs help.

I agree. The snobbery on MN about gaming is absurd. Computer gaming is a massive, massive industry (worth a hell of a lot more than the Hollywood movie industry) - some of the smartest people in the entire world work in the industry. And many very intelligent people play games to relax or switch off from demanding jobs - sometimes the games themselves are highly intricate requiring problem solving skills, logical thinking, anticipation etc. it's not all FIFA and blowing up aliens.

If someone has spent £4k on video games and had enjoyment/ entertainment out of it for a whole year then I don’t see it as a waste of money. It’s no different to spending that amount of money on any form of hobby/ pastime.
You may see it that way but I think you will be surprised how many people spend money on in app purchases now.

personally I know someone who spends that kind of money on the fifa football game. It’s not for me but he enjoys it and at the end of the day its his money.

video games are big business now and it’s no different to watching tv,reading, social media. It’s all just entertainment.

The problem here is he was spending ( wasting ) money they couldn’t afford.

Sums it up well

If someone shovelled four thousand pounds into online fruit machines, would you consider it a waste of money? I am very happy to say that I would. Four grand on a dopamine hit designed to snare the weak and gullible. You’re either an addict or an idiot.

That’s all these FIFA in-game bundles are. “He enjoys it and at the end of the day it’s his money.” You could say the same about putting £4k in cash and burning it. It would still be a waste.

That’s just it , it’s a waste to you but not the people who enjoy doing just that.
I work with a bloke that’s just come back from a 5 day drinking/ gambling session in Las Vegas, said he didn’t want to spend anymore than 3 grand but ended up over 5k out of pocket. I wouldn’t want to spend that kind of money doing that but to him that’s what he enjoys ,so no it’s not a waste of money.
believe it or not some people get entertainment pressing the next spin on online fruit machines, as long as it’s in moderation.

I mean who doesn’t enjoy sticking a plasma grenade on an aliens back whilst playing halo ? 🙂. It’s got to be better than watching emmerdale farm ? 🤣

When people moan about men playing games online with their friends another thing to consider is that it's a very social activity. People often log in and play with friends who may live many miles away or ones who they don't get to see very often. There are so many men these days who are isolated, have no close friends, and are sadly at a higher risk of suicide and somethings that seem silly to some may be incredibly dear to others.

Agree there should always be limits but some on this forum are hilarious being all negative about video games, calling them childish etc. This is not gaming in the 80s when you sit in a dark room and play on your own. Video gaming is a much bigger industry than films and music put together (nearly 3 times the size).

Spending four thousand pounds in a year on this shit is not "in moderation".

You say yourself that your friend wanted to spend 3k and spent over 5k. These are cynically designed so that it is very hard for certain personality types to pursue them in moderation.

"If he enjoys it" is a low moral bar to reach.

Not everyone lives like that. We have kids but DH and I are still individual people with interests and hobbies and have money to spend on it. Not all of our income is used as 'family money' which is pretty normal.

What is it about having kids which means you're only allowed a small treat occasionally??

We have an Xbox, not the one with a slot in it, all games come through the internet. Series S?

I pay 12 pounds a month subscription to Microsoft, massive choice of games some for me and some for our grandchildren.

Goat simulator is their current fave. We laugh our socks off.
.
On a good day I will spend a couple of fun, care free hours playing games, it's my main hobby. I have a load of other hobbies , retired.

Around 50p an day and I have factored the cost of electricity in there too.

I have password locked off the ability to buy things in game, I never would anyway but the grandkids try.

4 grand in a year is bonkers.

Menorage - the snobbery about gaming is because of how much misery it causes

Wrinklydad, so is porn, doesn't make it ok

It's true, in game packs are designed to suck you in, this is why you have to impose limits on yourself and stick to them. I play a game with these types of purchases and my limit is £5 per week. I'd spend that on coffee and a cake, which I used to do often and don't now, for various reasons. That £5 does give me more enjoyment than the 20 minutes spent drinking the coffee and eating the cake, so I see it as worth it. 4k, no that's not worth it. Even if spread over a year, that's still £80 a week. When your wages aren't that high, you have a partner, young child and saving for a home, it's a ridiculous amount. I'd be furious too.

Porn/Video Games/Reality TV/Alcohol/Going to West End Shows/Disney......

All bad when they become an addiction, in moderation all these things are fine (apart from maybe Porn, which I've never really understood the attraction, to be honest)

Do you know there are chess apps? You can play anyone , anywhere in the world with them.

And DH likes the occasional game but also completes The Times crossword everyday.

These things are not mutually exclusive