To stop contact if he can’t keep to the time?

[BedtimesBackThen]

My ex has our kids every other weekend but he keeps dropping them back late. It’s supposed to be 6pm but he’s usually at least twenty minutes late. It’s a long drive so I have to give them their tea and get them ready for school on Monday.

AIBU to say he can’t have them if he can’t keep to 6pm?

You want to play happy families with your new partner and the fact that the kids are with their actual father is an inconvenience to you. You don’t need to have a “family” meal on his contact weekends. Is it you or your new partner who insist on these pretendy nuclear family meals?

As much as you try to pretend that your new guy is their dad, you had children with your ex and it’s not fair to them that you are trying to cut him out their lives.

I'm normally one to always stick up for the mum in co parenting situations. But to stop contact for being twenty minutes late for drop off or pick up is insane and unfair on the children. This isn't about you, it's about your children

You like having Sunday dinner altogether... Therefore you are threatening to stop their dad seeing them? How about you plan meals for your own contact days rather than eating into their fathers time. You sound unhinged. Have a word with yourself, this is beyond selfish, nothing to do with your kids, this is all about what you want.

YABU I think you need to adjust here. As others have said it isn’t really that much 20-40 mins plus it is before 7pm which is early enough. Their father could maybe help by doing picnic food on the way back if long drive?

No it is what is best for you

You are not keeping your story straight, you said your ex took Friday afternoon off so wouldn’t take the Monday off.

You honestly sound like one of those bitter pain in the ass ex’s who moan about every little thing.

But that would mean he has to do all the Friday driving and he won’t. When I collect from him, I get there early and have to wait outside whilst he hugs them for half an hour and wastes time.

They do need to eat when they get home. They should leave ex’s house shortly after to get home for 6 so it’d be too early for tea.

Thank you to everyone who has to put up with the same and understands where I’m coming from.

Yes YABU. So U that I’m hoping this is a wind up.

6.40 is absolutely fine. A quick sandwich, wash and brush their teeth, they should be in bed before 7.30, 8 at latest. My kids often went to bed later than that on a Sunday- especially when they were 7 and older.

I also agree with either making drop off 7, but asking for them to be in PJs and fed, or him taking them straight to school on Monday morning.

It sounds much more like you’re annoyed with him than worried about the kids, which I can understand but the best thing you can do is either work around this or come up with a new pattern.

And planning a Father’s Day meal on Father’s Day for your partner sounds both like bad planning, point scoring and tactless. How would you have felt if your ex had done that with his girlfriend on Mother’s Day? Would it kill you to have planned a special meal on another day?

He does a Friday drive and a Sunday drive once a month, as do I. So one weekend I drop off and he collects then the opposite next time.

"Thank you to everyone who has to put up with the same and understands where I’m coming from"

I have to put up with worse. Your situation is all to make YOUR life easier. Time to grow up.

So this situation happens, once a month ….

OP AIBU

MN Yes

OP No I’m not and I’ll keep changing my story until you agree

MN YABU

How old are the children?

Can't he give them tea instead?

Why shouldn’t they show appreciation for the man who is their father figure the vast majority of the time? They wanted to and wanted to buy him presents and make cards.

I’m not changing my story! I expect most parents here don’t have to put up with an ex being persistently disrespectful and late.

... Wastes... Time... Hugging them?

No! You engineered that! Playing happy families, they were just fine having fun with their dad on Fathers Day!

BTW - 97% of people think YABU.

So he drives for two hours with them and you are complaining about him being late back???

Please get a grip. An hour late won't ruin their life once a week.

I coparent and it's not always easy, far from it, but you are being utterly unreasonable.

Your children go to bed at 8pm instead of 7pm twice a month and you want to stop contact?

Give your head a shake. Honestly, settle yourself down and do some thinking about what is actually best for the kids, not what you want. This is controlling nonsense and you've got a long difficult bitter road ahead of you, which your children are going to get caught up in, if this is how you're coming at it.

Mum threatening dad with stopping contact over a twenty minute traffic jam? Maybe what's best for you and your boyfriend, not what's best for your shared children. Coming back to a calm and happy house where mummy is chilled and pleased to see them, where there's an easy tea, no expectations and some cosy PJs and stories while they decompress and chat with you, and not a stressed out "late" StepFathers Day Dinner (whatever that is when it's at home) and then getting fired into bed.

You need to change your position, and quick or it's going to backfire massively.

Time with their actual father was probably more valuable to them.

If this is the only issue with contact, I certainly wouldn't threaten to stop contact over it. That's crazy.

Well I don't think stopping them seeing their Dad for the sake of 20-40 minutes is in their bed interest,s either!

if the drive is a long one so over an hour it means he has to be getting them ready and leaving the house by at least 3.30ish which basically a half day.

keep it as 6 and as other have said prepare dinner before hand and give them a quick bath before bed.

I don't think reducing their already limited time with their father by another hour over lateness is fair, it just seems vindictive.

I think the issue is you're purporting to stop contact for this reason.
Presuming there are no safeguards that concern you.
Presuming he's not a threat to your children.
The only issue is the poor time management on the two days a month he sees them.
To want to stop contact for this reason is utterly appalling and you're clearly not thinking of your children's relationship with their father. It's weaponizing, tactless and point scoring as PP said.
That is the issue that 97% of posters have taken issue to.
And then you say "you're not really going to stop contact" so what is the point of this thread then?

Stopping all contact because he brings them home late isn’t what’s best for them either though is it?

You don’t get to play god with your kids just because you’re their mum. He is entitled to see them just as much as you are.

Ridiculous thing to consider imo, you see them every day, he sees the twice a month and you want him to miss out on an extra hour. Even an hour late wouldn't warrant stopping contact. Considering he doesn't want to bring them back any earlier I think you're being naive in that he will just sit back and take that, I think you'll find yourself in court. A lot of effort for 20 mins