To stop contact if he can’t keep to the time?

[BedtimesBackThen]

My ex has our kids every other weekend but he keeps dropping them back late. It’s supposed to be 6pm but he’s usually at least twenty minutes late. It’s a long drive so I have to give them their tea and get them ready for school on Monday.

AIBU to say he can’t have them if he can’t keep to 6pm?

YABVU and controlling. No you cannot stop your children seeing their dad over their.

This thread lacks credibility. You want to erode the children's time by an hour because?? and you have admitted that despite a long journey you want to cut their access entirely because he's 20 mins late.

Its so deluded it doesn't make any sense whatsoever as RW childcare scenario.

So you’d stop your children seeing their father, because you miss out on at worse 40 minutes of time with them once a fortnight?

Some might say you’re looking for an issue?

I’d rather it was 5pm or earlier but if it has to be 6pm then I can work around that but he’s always late. Last night I’d planned a special Father‘s Day dinner with their stepdad but they got back so late it was ruined.

Can I insist on it being 5pm and then if he’s late and it’ll actually be 6pm?

I’m not really going to stop contact but I don’t know what else I can do to stop him being late. It means they’re tired for school and it’s not fair on them.

No, you can’t insist on anything. You discuss it with him; you’re both equal parents.

What time do you other mums get their kids back? I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to say 6:40pm is far too late

This is not the hill to die on, pick your battles.
I would expect them to have already have had dinner if they are coming back at 6pm especially if they are young.

Have dinner ready, something cold or that can be quickly reheated, the bath run, pj's out, school/nursery stuff ready for the morning,read a story cuddled up together - even an hours not going to make that much difference.

Or you tell him to keep them later, he gives them dinner, baths them and brings them home at 7pm in their PJs.

He is their father, not your new partner, they spent more time with their father in Father’s Day? Also, how did 20 mins mean it was ruined!

I agree with others. You are being unreasonable. Bank on them being home by seven.

This sounds far more sensible and would give the Dc a bit more time with him. Would he go for this? Because you should.

It’s “sometimes” 40 mins, you just cope with such a non issue.

Planning a special meal on a contact day was ill thought out especially if he is always late - why didn't you move Fathers day plans to next weekend or even Monday? Children need low demand activities when they return as emotionally it's a lot to leave one parent and go back to the other.

How old are they? Surely makes a big difference. Being tired for one day a week isn't that big a deal, certainly not as big a deal as not seeing their dad, and it seems a bit odd that you wanted them back early on Father's Day to celebrate with their step dad when they were with their actual dad.

Ask him to do tea.

Exh repeatedly brought dc back 40 mins late. Judge cared not 1 shiney shit...

Keep an incident diary and record every single incident - date, time, and what happened. It could be that his routine means there's a good reason why he's consistently 20 minutes late.
Or it could be he is doing it on purpose and its part of a wider pattern.

This

Oh, so it's not so much that they're tired for school but you wanted a special Father's day dinner with their Step-Dad? Who isn't their Dad. After they'd spent the day with their Dad.

I think this is more about you being pissed off that you didn't get to pretend their Step-Dad is their Dad.

You said they're still little? so this special Father's day dinner was what you wanted and not what they planned or wanted.

You are so in the wrong here.

He's their father. I think it's more important they spend father's day with their father don't you?

My ex is rarely on time dropping them off but I've learnt to roll with it. He's always on time to pick them up unless work delays him which he tells me about. If your ex is a good dad bar the late drop backs then id let it slide. far more important that they see him.
Also mine are also supposed to be dropped off at 6pm aswell so I feel your frustration.
Don't stop contact over this, it's not worth the stress of the battle

I did ask him to keep them on Monday night but so he said no because he’d have to take Monday mornings off work as well as Friday afternoons on his weekends.

You’re being ridiculous. The step dad meal is tye cherry on the stupid cake. Well done.

As a parent with a shitty ex, I'd say you need to suck this one up unfortunately. If it's really too late, ask if he can feed them dinner before they come home, so it's just a bath and bedtime stories for you to do?

That’s another reason I want them back earlier, because they’re emotional when he drops them off and I want to have time to calm them down and get them back to normal life before bed