Page 14 | To stop contact if he can’t keep to the time?

Emma2023 · 20/06/2023 22:36

But it states he only gets them every other weekend so that means you get them the rest of the time? It’s 40 minutes tops 🤷🏼‍♀️

RedHelenB · 20/06/2023 22:47

BedtimesBackThen · 19/06/2023 10:49

My ex has our kids every other weekend but he keeps dropping them back late. It’s supposed to be 6pm but he’s usually at least twenty minutes late. It’s a long drive so I have to give them their tea and get them ready for school on Monday.

AIBU to say he can’t have them if he can’t keep to 6pm?

Yes

Hankunamatata · 20/06/2023 22:54

Your being far to rigid. No plans Sunday night. Ask ex to feed them before coming. Bowl cereal and some toast when they arrive home, quick shower then snuggle in bed together and read/watch TV programme. Kids need minimal fuss and interaction in Sunday night.

You have all the other days of the week to have meals together and play happy families.

I used to work until 6pm, pick kids up 6.30pm from daycare, home for 7pm every weekday.

This is not a hill to die on with an ex.

Messyhair321 · 20/06/2023 22:54

Yabvu of course you shouldn't stop your children seeing their father because of this. How would you feel if he started saying you shouldn't see your children? Getting over yourself.

Katey83 · 20/06/2023 22:55

He has them once a fortnight, you get them the rest of the time and you are quibbling about 20-40 mins? That’s not reasonable. Many of us would love dads who are interested enough to want to maximise time with their kids.

Hankunamatata · 20/06/2023 22:58

Ask to bring them back later and put them straight to bed?

Messyhair321 · 20/06/2023 23:01

The flippant suggestion of just stopping children seeing their father on this thread makes me rage
So cruel & unnecessary

MrsO3 · 20/06/2023 23:06

Completely unreasonable! You know that, surely?! 🙄

SylvieB74 · 20/06/2023 23:29

This sounds so sad. Also their ‘stepdad’ isn’t their dad, has he been stirring it as well?? If you’re settled with a new husband why are you still being so sad and bitter about your ex.
incase you haven’t gathered from every single reply, no it would be and horrendous of you to stop them seeing their dad. Does it even come into it how they feel?

BaconChops · 20/06/2023 23:31

Absolutely you’re being unreasonable, he gets them one weekend in 2! It’s not about you, this is about your children’s relationship with their dad. Honestly, wind your neck in. Dads have rights too.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/06/2023 23:56

BedtimesBackThen · 19/06/2023 10:57

I’ve asked him to bring them back at 5pm instead but he won’t because he says he won’t give up time with them. But this isn’t what’s best for them.

Could you say get them back for 5 and he can stay and have a cup
Of tea with them or read with them while you cook dinner

SD1978 · 20/06/2023 23:56

Sorry- you have 12 days with them, but are quibbling about 'missing' a maximum of 40 minutes, one day a fortnight with them?

Friarclose · 21/06/2023 00:07

You sound exactly like my dh's ex.

They're his children too. It's parental alienation.

I bet you make his life a misery.

snitzelvoncrumb · 21/06/2023 00:08

The situation must be hard on everyone. I don’t think you are unreasonable about wanting them dropped off at five. They are young and need to settle before going to bed. Take a breath and don’t stress over the small stuff you can’t control. He will often do stupid shit just to annoy you, you really just have to ignore it. Get the maintenance collected through cms, and try to communicate with him as little as possible. If you want to make a point about him bringing the kids back late, drop them off late, after being at a playground hungry and exhausted. Be two hours late even if it inconveniences you. Just do it once to make a point. Why do you do the driving? I would tell him if he wants to see his kids he can do all the pick up and drop offs from now on. If he wants you to drive he can pay for the petrol.

KateFleming · 21/06/2023 00:11

Similar position here OP, mine has DS EOW and is consistently late dropping him off and paying CMS

You're being completely unreasonable. 20 mins is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Personally I'm delighted as it gives me extra time to myself and I know I don't need to rush anything, I get however that not everyone's like that.

As many have said, this is not the hill to die on. It's petty and unreasonable. Solicitors and family court would have a field day with you for stopping contact for such a petty reason. Is it rude? YES. Can you stop it? NO

It's in the best interests of the kids to spend time with their dad unless there's something you're not telling us. Out of routine 1 day out of 2 weeks isn't going to harm your kids. Whilst it may be inconvenient for you, you'll need to learn to adapt. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but you can't control what your ex does with his time.

Talia99 · 21/06/2023 00:14

snitzelvoncrumb · 21/06/2023 00:08

The situation must be hard on everyone. I don’t think you are unreasonable about wanting them dropped off at five. They are young and need to settle before going to bed. Take a breath and don’t stress over the small stuff you can’t control. He will often do stupid shit just to annoy you, you really just have to ignore it. Get the maintenance collected through cms, and try to communicate with him as little as possible. If you want to make a point about him bringing the kids back late, drop them off late, after being at a playground hungry and exhausted. Be two hours late even if it inconveniences you. Just do it once to make a point. Why do you do the driving? I would tell him if he wants to see his kids he can do all the pick up and drop offs from now on. If he wants you to drive he can pay for the petrol.

Even if she’s the one who moved away? Maybe it was him, we don’t know since she’s ignored the multiple people who have asked.

If he moved, I agree the travel is his issue to sort out. However, if she moved, the same goes for her.

RocketIceLollie · 21/06/2023 00:14

Jesus wept 20 minutes late is not the end of the world. Could be any multitude of reasons for being late, traffic, getting held up at family etc. The important thing is the children are seeing their Dad which from your original message you are trying to block, which will have much worse effect on the children mentally and your relationship with the children's dad. Give your head a wobble FFS.

x2boys · 21/06/2023 00:37

Hetti1 · 20/06/2023 22:35

Is there a court order in place?

Does it matter?
It's in the children's best interests I see the Dad
It's not up.to.a Mother to play God wether there is a court order or not she doesn't own them.🙄

Grrrrdarling · 21/06/2023 01:37

BedtimesBackThen · 19/06/2023 10:49

My ex has our kids every other weekend but he keeps dropping them back late. It’s supposed to be 6pm but he’s usually at least twenty minutes late. It’s a long drive so I have to give them their tea and get them ready for school on Monday.

AIBU to say he can’t have them if he can’t keep to 6pm?

Why is dad not giving kids dinner at 5pm, before he brings them home at 6pm?
Yes you say the journey is a long one but he can pack them a picnic tea, stop along the way & they can have dinner together or even once in a while stop at services for a take away.
That would solve half of your problem right there as kids would then be fed so once they got home they would only need a bath before bedtime.
I honestly think you are being a bit pedantic over 20 to 40mins when the above is how you can simply lower the burden on yourself & give dad, who honestly seems to be doing everything right bar getting his timings perfect for you.
I literally opened this MN & thought I was going to read a story about a dead beat dad not bringing the kids home for weeks or months. 20 to 40mins is nothing IF you arrange it so dad feeds kids before he brings them home.

Cariadm · 21/06/2023 01:38

Honestly...you need to step back and take a big breath of rationality and get things into perspective!! You say 'they’re still grubby' but how dirty can they actually be and how long does it take to dunk them in the bath anyway if hair doesn't need to be washed? Surely you could have their food ready for them and if they need a hot tea then just keep it warm in the oven or microwave it? This is not worth even making a fuss about let alone threatening to stop them seeing their Dad over...I just can't get my head around you even thinking that was at all viable!! Maybe consider that it's nice that he wants to see them (maybe you're just not happy with this at all?) so many Dads can't be bothered or don't turn up disappointing their children, look on the positive side not the negative and CHILL!!! 🙄😱

EasterBreak · 21/06/2023 01:44

Oh yea, stop them seeing their parent over him dropping them back 20-40 minutes late sometimes. Who would do that to their child. You are very unreasonable. Their life isn't a game for you to play with when you get midly inconvenienced.

EasterBreak · 21/06/2023 01:46

BedtimesBackThen · 19/06/2023 11:08

I’d rather it was 5pm or earlier but if it has to be 6pm then I can work around that but he’s always late. Last night I’d planned a special Father‘s Day dinner with their stepdad but they got back so late it was ruined.

Can I insist on it being 5pm and then if he’s late and it’ll actually be 6pm?

Is this an actual joke op?

PeloMom · 21/06/2023 02:18

To make things easier cant he feed them dinner at his before they leave and then if they want a bedtime snack (banana, cheese) you can do that so that you can keep up to your schedule if they are running late?

Utterknowitall · 21/06/2023 02:22

I think it's all about the step dad's Fathers day dinner being ruined. On Fathers day when biological Dad was 20 mins late, not because he was being spiteful, because he had to drive a long way and sometimes journeys are unpredictable.

BlinkeredBay · 21/06/2023 04:27

PeloMom · 21/06/2023 02:18

To make things easier cant he feed them dinner at his before they leave and then if they want a bedtime snack (banana, cheese) you can do that so that you can keep up to your schedule if they are running late?

But OP had stated she wants to have dinner with them, when they return. Especially on Father’s Day, so SD can be congratulated as surrogate father.

i think your resolution is perfect but I’m sure it’s not one OP wants, she’s looking for an excuse to stop the little contact they have with their DF.