Page 12 | To stop contact if he can’t keep to the time?

Lilypeony · 20/06/2023 17:48

BedtimesBackThen · 19/06/2023 11:23

Even if he feeds them before he sets off, they’re still going to need something to eat before bed because the journey takes up to two hours.

Traffic on this length of journey is completely unpredictable

YABVVVU.

IMO 20-40 mins late is no biggy. I would much rather know my children were getting to spend time with a dedicated parent (not all non resident parents would make this journey) than stop contact due to a slight delay in the time they’re returned. He isn’t keeping them longer than he should, I suspect it is more down to unpredictable traffic!

stichguru · 20/06/2023 17:56

You have a very tiny issue which doesn't need solving because it isn't really a problem (kids can go to bed 20 mins late once a week). Or if it really is a problem (maybe they get cranky) it can easily be solved. (Dad feeds them before he brings them home, you have a quick tea waiting for them, and/or one night a week they skip bath and just eat tea, and change for bed.) Your solution is to massively cut their contact with a very important person in their life. Stop emotionally abusing your kids, stop using them to manipulate your ex, and start parenting to what they need, instead of hurting them to get your own way for no reason.

hannahsb89 · 20/06/2023 18:01

BedtimesBackThen · 19/06/2023 10:49

My ex has our kids every other weekend but he keeps dropping them back late. It’s supposed to be 6pm but he’s usually at least twenty minutes late. It’s a long drive so I have to give them their tea and get them ready for school on Monday.

AIBU to say he can’t have them if he can’t keep to 6pm?

I think 20 minutes could be forgiven. He’s making the effort to see them despite the long drive so I personally think that you can overlook such a short time. If it’s longer then you have a right to do something

grandehorizontale · 20/06/2023 18:12

I am a family lawyer and if you tried to stop contact for this reason, please believe me, the Judge wouldn't be very pleased.

x2boys · 20/06/2023 18:17

hannahsb89 · 20/06/2023 18:01

I think 20 minutes could be forgiven. He’s making the effort to see them despite the long drive so I personally think that you can overlook such a short time. If it’s longer then you have a right to do something

Show quote history

What right do you think she has if it's longer?

Ilovecleaning · 20/06/2023 18:26

YABU. Let it go. He’s their dad. Are there underlying issues?

Mammajay · 20/06/2023 18:35

He is their father and has them every other weekend. You are being very unfair.

Winnipeg23 · 20/06/2023 18:37

Just let it be and be grateful he wants to see his kids and keep them a bit longer. That's so nice I think. most mum's would be grateful for another half hour of precious peaceful time.

Lucyh999 · 20/06/2023 18:37

Outrageous question really. Why on earth would anyone stop their children from
having a relationship with their Father because of lateness? It sounds incredibly selfish and foolish. Can’t you just talk to him like adults?

AnalLysis · 20/06/2023 18:37

At this age, given the length of the journey, I would suggest he bathed the and puts them in pjs/onesies then they can have a nice drive home with a story on in the car. More quality time for him and relaxed children when they get home for you.

Utterknowitall · 20/06/2023 18:38

Contact is for the benefit of the children. You must not stop it. You must encourage and facilitate it.

jcsc · 20/06/2023 18:38

You are being really unreasonable. You won’t get much time with them on the evening he brings them back???? He possibly feels like that every day he doesn’t have them or see them. Give your head a wobble, at least he is seeing them and makes an effort. I would love my first borns dad to make an effort he hasn’t seen his son in over a year.

Lucyh999 · 20/06/2023 18:38

Agreed

Lucyh999 · 20/06/2023 18:39

stichguru · 20/06/2023 17:56

You have a very tiny issue which doesn't need solving because it isn't really a problem (kids can go to bed 20 mins late once a week). Or if it really is a problem (maybe they get cranky) it can easily be solved. (Dad feeds them before he brings them home, you have a quick tea waiting for them, and/or one night a week they skip bath and just eat tea, and change for bed.) Your solution is to massively cut their contact with a very important person in their life. Stop emotionally abusing your kids, stop using them to manipulate your ex, and start parenting to what they need, instead of hurting them to get your own way for no reason.

This

Lucyh999 · 20/06/2023 18:40

Not to mention the fact that you don’t have the right to ‘stop contact’

JenWillsiam · 20/06/2023 18:41

BedtimesBackThen · 19/06/2023 11:08

I’d rather it was 5pm or earlier but if it has to be 6pm then I can work around that but he’s always late. Last night I’d planned a special Father‘s Day dinner with their stepdad but they got back so late it was ruined.

Can I insist on it being 5pm and then if he’s late and it’ll actually be 6pm?

He is their father. Not their stepdad.

you being so unreasonable. Do you realise how many kids don’t have two parents? And here you are moaning about 20 minutes. Get over it.

Buythedammshoes · 20/06/2023 18:41

BedtimesBackThen · 19/06/2023 10:57

I’ve asked him to bring them back at 5pm instead but he won’t because he says he won’t give up time with them. But this isn’t what’s best for them.

Best for them or you ? ( I am asking this kindly 🤗 )
Whats the split of when they are with you & when they are with their dad ?
Is he a good dad?
I do get it - I have shared residency with my exh & he rarely brings my DC back on time. It’s frustrating but my DC have a great relationship with their dad so I rise above his bad time keeping - not the hill I want to die on.
I always have to remind myself - even though I think exh is a total cock - he’s their dad & they love him.

I make sure I don’t clock watch & keep myself busy otherwise every second feels like an hour.

AnnieSnap · 20/06/2023 18:41

Of course you can’t give him that ultimatum. He’s their father and has a good relationship with them. It would be outrageous for you to deprive them of visits with their dad. Plus, a court would never agree to it! Either allow yourself to work on the basis that they will be home by 7.45pm or ask him if, due to a ‘change in circumstances’, could he bring them home for 5.30pm and work on the basis that they will be home by 6.15pm.

blondieminx · 20/06/2023 18:44

my ex husband did this - except it was often hours late.

it’s not them that has to deal with tired kids on a Monday.

I insisted we change the contact times because of it and my daughter comes home Sunday lunchtime instead now. Try that? Good luck, and solidarity to you!

bellsandwhistles333 · 20/06/2023 18:49

With two our travel you unfortunately just have to be flexible to a a degree as he's not just round the corner.

Make sure he is doing a proper full tea so it's a snack at yours or supper. All homework and a full bath and then every other Sunday you just have to adjust to not seeing them much it's home quick catch up over a snack and ready for bed

GameOverBoys · 20/06/2023 18:56

He sounds annoying and like he doesn’t have the children’s best interests at heart. However, you sound a bit petty and you’ll need to choose your hill to die on at some point so I wouldn’t choose this.

LadyJ2023 · 20/06/2023 19:00

Interesting how your ignoring the majority of responses telling you the problem is basically you. 20 mons is nothing every other weekend as stated, its great they have a lovely time with dad. Why make an issue when there's no need for one and the majority of excuses your using as to why they need to be back are exactly that excuses. They see there dad as they should they have a nice time and much as your partner may be nice he is not there dad. He does not return them late for the ages they are and ye calm down and carry on and stop getting in a tizz about 20mins every other week

Crispymandm · 20/06/2023 19:04

You need to work on yourself, it’s very petty of you to even consider stopping contact in my opinion. You’re making it all about you when you say things like “ He’s late to get at me on purpose.” This is paranoid thinking and it’s not best for your DC. I understand that he doesn’t do school runs or pick up the pieces and that must be frustrating but I’m sure there father has frustrations too. At the end of the day it’s your girls right to see their father and been 20 minutes late is not their fault. Stopping contact would be a punishment for them and would impact them massively.

Chubble · 20/06/2023 19:10

I barely saw my dad growing up cos he couldn’t be arsed.
My 7 month old has seen his dad for roughly the same amount of time you’re complaining about your kids being late, cos he also can’t be arsed.
Yes, you’re being very unreasonable. What I wouldn’t give for a good dad who wants to spend time with their children.

Pumpkinspice13 · 20/06/2023 19:22

BedtimesBackThen · 19/06/2023 10:57

I’ve asked him to bring them back at 5pm instead but he won’t because he says he won’t give up time with them. But this isn’t what’s best for them.

Are you being for real? I feel like this can’t be a real post! Grow up! It’s 20-40 minutes extra he gets to spend with his children ever 2 weeks. In the very little time he does get you’re asking for him to have less. Unbelievable! You have them all the rest of the time. Blows my mind how selfish some women can be. Your children have 2 parents.