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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my mother husband becoming obsessed with my DD

312 replies

IECW22 · 18/06/2023 22:12

For starters we've never really got along. Hence why I worry I am BU.

He has no children, him and my DM married about 7 years ago. He's a busy body. Will sit staring at his ring doorbell footage of an evening and moan about what his neighbours are up to. Last year he complained to the local council that a neighbour had a paddling pool out in their front garden for their DC (they have no back garden) and it overhung an inch and wanted it resolved "immediately". He reported an old boy for parking his mobility scooter which overhung slightly. Just has to be inconvenienced by everything that doesn't actually inconvenience him. We just clash. We didn't speak for some time because I just could not deal with him, until I accepted a meet when I was pregnant to make thing easier for my DM.

At the meeting he said something along the lines off "we should get along now that I'm a grandad". I just didn't say anything for an easy life during a really difficult pregnancy.

My Dd is 11 months old. And yes he loves her and that's fine. But recently things have become difficult.

He has took her for a walk in her pram a few times which I did appreciate as could get her food cooked bottles sorted ect but would come back and say how he walked down the high road with her and she would start saying "love you grandad" .... she can't even say dog yet. I asked my mum and she just stated he loves her. I said yes but it is a lie. And then whilst on a day out with me, baby, my DM and her husband someone commented on her dress and he said in the direction of baby "yes grandad bought it for you" and the lady said "oh that's nice of grandad" and he proceeded to ask "ha do you think we look alike?" .... you are not related by blood firstly and secondly you look like a different species all together.

And yes he does buy her a LOT of dresses (an insanely large amount) and I'm not ungrateful she just cries every time she's put in a dress as she can't crawl. I've explained this. But I get the demands from my DM and her husband on a bloody WhatsApp group they've created for a photo of her In said dress. Like I have nothing else to do but put my daughter in what resembles a wedding dress every day for her to cry for me to then take it off. If I don't respond to said group I'll get a phone call, and then a text from my mum saying "*** has messaged on the group and you have not responded" yes thanks mother.

The next part. So they've been asking for a sleepover with her and i'm not convinced. So I said let's trial one a few times, but I will stay also but just put her cot in your room.

Baby slept like a dream, he gets up the next morning stating how tired he is. I asked why and he said he was up till gone 4am....again I asked why, he said oh because I was watching her sleep to make sure she's okay.....you stared at her for 9 hours?

He keeps saying things like "oh when me and your mum go out people think I'm her dad" this just is not the truth. Unless they're incredibly short sighted. I just wouldn't be surprised if he tells people he is.

So it's all kicked off the other night when I told my mum some truths and I got a nasty message from him which I only skim read. So I blocked him on WhatsApp, phone/text. I then got an EMAIL from him so blocked that too. Just checked out my next door app.....and have a message on there. I've not said they can't see baby anymore I just said I need some space from him as we clash, but basically. It's all gone off. But is my general dislike for him clouding my judgment? My mother seems to believe so but my partner (who wants him and baby to be separated for a while) doesn't. I just have a feeling.

OP posts:
Godzillaisjusthangry · 17/01/2024 06:29

garlictwist · 17/01/2024 06:16

I kind of agree with this. You clearly don't like the guy (and he does sound annoying) and you clash, and this is all being brought to a head. I don't think he is sinister, just misguided. Maybe have this break and then come back and try and rebuild things.

This is terrible advice.

Never take any chances with a child's safety. As their parent you are literally all they have to protect them. Don't gaslight yourself for the sake of being a people pleaser. The OP owes this guy nothing. Her daughter is not an emotional support doll for this guy to fill a gap.

The OP has her head screwed on and has done everything right to safeguard her child.

Heybearu · 17/01/2024 06:32

Hi, I think youre being really brave and doing the right thing.

Have you considered using Sarah's law? If someone is giving you any reason to feel your child may be unsafe it's there to protect you. https://www.btp.police.uk/rqo/request/ri/request-information/sofd/child-sex-offender-data-sarahs-law/#:~:text=The%20child%20sex%20offender%20disclosure,person%20may%20pose%20a%20risk.

You can look into restraining order options if he harasses you.

Also how about some playgroup to meet other mums who you can chat with and spend time with? Xx

CatHeartViolet · 17/01/2024 06:40

This is an old thread...but he does sound harassing

Ohdojustfuckoff · 17/01/2024 06:40

He's definitely a bit strange and overbearing OP, dancing all over your boundaries too.
But you know the "considering a solicitor" ...nah that would be it for him, and your mum if I were you.
She isn't trying to see your side here.

ContraflowSystem · 17/01/2024 06:41

Hope things turned out ok @IECW22

Danfromdownunder · 17/01/2024 06:44

Have you googled him OP?

Namechange357 · 17/01/2024 07:51

Zombie thread

but for anyone on future, please report via Sarah’s law. Even if they find nothing, they can talk through stuff with you.

SS would only get involved if they knew you had suspicions and weren’t doing anything to avoid unsupervised access. They’re so overloaded the want to close cases asap / avoid opening them in the first place where parents can be trusted to protect their kids! So I wouldn’t ever worry about involving them.

OP, I hope you and your daughter are ok. And I hope your mum eventually comes to her senses and leaves the abusive controlling creep!

5128gap · 17/01/2024 08:39

I think if this was a man you loved and respected as a step dad you'd be ok with it. Its OTT certainly, but tbh my DGCs grand dad is similar (minus the lies) in terms of his pride and interest in DGC.
However the fact you don't like him is important. You don't just 'clash'. That implies two reasonable people who just dont get on. This man has an unpleasant, vindictive, pushy and dishonest side to him that most would struggle with. This coupled with his behaviour to DD us what feels 'creepy' rather thsn his treatment of her in isolation i think. Because of course your hackles are going to rise at the proximity of such a man to your DD.
I think you're going above and beyond to please them here and if I were you I'd be pulling back. Allow only the contact you feel comfortable with with the emphasis on your mums relationship with DD, not his.

Badtard · 17/01/2024 09:07

What kind of relationship have you had with your mother OP? Before Frank came on the scene?

Badtard · 17/01/2024 10:02

Scrap my message. Zombie thread. Hope all is well with OP.

Emma8924 · 30/01/2024 19:14

AllAboardTootToot · 17/01/2024 04:11

You’ve responded a pile of shit to a 7 month old thread. Bravo Einstein! 👏

Maybe you need to be less childish and not insult people online. Have a lovely evening :) 😃

Whatwasthatshow · 08/03/2024 20:20

How are things a year on @IECW22 x

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