Friends Baby Shower Nightmare

[Popcornlassie28]

Hey Everyone.
I am in a sticky situation and don’t want to come across as a mean person but don’t want to be walked over either.

My friend is currently pregnant with her third baby and asked me to help her Mum with organising her baby shower.
She gave me her Mum’s number to message her and her Mum stated she had organised most things but left me with some loose ends to organise (decorations, shower games, cake etc).

I found her quite unresponsive to messages and has been hard to organise with but ploughed on through. Anyways, she left all of my messages on read even ones that are asking simple questions such as ‘What time do we get the keys to the venue so we can start setting up?’

She told my friend she’s found me unhelpful (I’m so confused as I’ve been left on read on every message with zero communication) and doesn’t like what I have done so far and my friend has asked me if I could return some things and re order. It’s partly a surprise so she said she couldn’t go into detail about what it was as she ‘didn’t know.’

I sent a message to her Mum and was again met with nothing. Until today, in the WhatsApp group chat for the event she sent a message out saying that she’s organised everything by herself with NO help and to ‘bear with her’ but she’s proud of what she’s achieved by herself.

1. She hasn’t done it by herself and some of my money has gone into this? Why would she say this?
2. All other people invited thought I was helping so I feel like I don’t look like a good team player and left the task to her. This isn’t true but it’s being made to look like this.

I am really confused. I don’t want to message her Mum and upset her (she wouldn’t reply anyways) and I’m worried my friend will be upset with me.

I feel awkward to even attend!!
I don’t even know details to even help set up so I would now be turning up at the same time as the other guests and I’m worried there is going to be a situation.

EDIT: I’ve only met her Mum twice before and she’s been fine with me on both times.

When is this amazing baby shower? Will you hear about it from any other friends?

Screen shot all of your messages and post them to the WhatsApp group. You need to tell the truth and stand up for yourself, don't be walked over and treated like that!

If you're not prepared to defend yourself... shrug

Enjoy your cake OP!

I love the idea of just not communicating further with any of them and just not turning up with the cake.

Bloody cheek of them

Seeing as she didn’t reply to any of the messages why did you continue to use that method of communication? Maybe she doesn’t use it / can’t work it?

"Hi mum of pregnant friend - I've done what you asked and organised the cake, shower games and XYZ. What time shall I bring them to you and what shall I do with the receipts? Shall I pop them in an envelope with my bank details so you can ping the money over?" Sent to her first and then the group whattsapp. Drop it all off at your friends house before the shower and give your apologies. That way everyone knows your contribution and you needn't see your cf friend or her ungrateful mother. You know you'll never see the money, right ? Dont get involved in the 5th or 6th baby shower..

If you want to- go see yr pregnant friend after the baby shower and enjoy her company. You've no beef with her.

Oh wait, I commented without seeing the last few updates, bloody tube. She sounds unhinged!

There is no ‘middle’. I would tell friend you have received nothing but nastiness from her mother and clearly she wont do anything about it, so you bow out of the party and the friendship.

Do not go the the shower. Why would you want to anyway? Your friend has probably been conditioned to put up with her mothers ridiculousness. Why were you doing the cake? They have got you to do the most expensive thing, I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
Grabby cows both of them.

The more I read about imported American nonsense like hen parties & baby showers, the more glad I am that nobody in the UK had ever heard of them when I was getting married or having babies.

I'd just hand it all back to your friend. OK, she probably won't ever speak to you again but that seems preferable to me.

Enjoy the cake, OP! The mother is being terrible. If you want to keep the friendship (not sure I would), tell the friend that her mother has a weird problem with you so you will skip the party so as not to cause stress/drama for the friend at the event.

Glad you called out the mother. What a little twatkins.

I am so sorry you're having to put up with this. I guess you've two choices. Straightforward approach is gently tell your friend exactly how much time, effort and expense you've gone to. Then say nothing further and see how she reacts. Sometimes conflict is a necessary part of relationship growth. If you'd rather not, and just want to get out of all further arranging it may be no harm to msg both mother and daughter and say " Hi! Great job (insert mothers name), you've done amazing work. I've tried my best with all the time and resources I have, and I'm so sorry it's not up to the changing requirements. Its obviously best i don't get in the way of (mums name) and she has everything under control anyway. Wow what a job! I look forward to celebrating with you all! So exciting"!! Etc. Good luck x

Enjoy the cake @Popcornlassie28 , do they know you're eating it?? Hopefully not, that would be a lovely surprise for them on the night.

I'd get some girls round, eat the cake, drink wine and bitch about CF pregnant friend and her mum!

Screenshot the messages and post in group chat,that proves that you've been trying to organise things with the mum but haven't had much back from her.

You definitely aren't being unreasonable! I would just said a screenshot into the group chat of the unresponded messages and just say 'Hi name as you can see I did reach out to help but had no response, maybe you aren't getting all your messages?' but that's just me and I like to give the same passive aggressiveness I'm met with

I would be honest with friend and I would definitely go to the baby shower and say hello to her mum if the opportunity presented itself (I’d go for the ‘kill with kindness’ approach even though she sounds like a horribly manipulative person).

Kill with kindness?! I think kill with the cake knife is more likely. Just a question of whether the mother gets to it before the OP. 😂

(Back you all the way OP, the mother is a nasty piece of work).

Your friend and her mum sound like precious idiots

Let them get on with it. Dont fo

*go

Totally agree with this.

I'd distance myself from the friend after that too.

I recently declined an invite to a baby shower for a 4th child - baby shower for each one and no big age gaps in between.

The Mum sounds batshit crazy. Glad you are planning to at least have the cake yourself and it won't be a total waste of your money.
Share it with your own beautiful children and don't waste any more time or money on this ridiculous drama xx

And I'm another voice to say I hate baby showers. Celebrate when baby is safely here. Didn't have one for my first and won't for my 2nd.

Enjoy the cake OP!

Make sure you let mutual friends know her mum called you thick and you were made to send back decorations as they ‘weren’t the right shade of pink.’ Id 100% be on your side!!

I wouldn’t respond to them any further or on the future and definitely don’t go to the shitty shower!

Same! I wrote earlier in the thread but I’m so stressed out with my current pregnancy the idea of celebrating a baby that isn’t even here yet seems so bizarre to me now. But then I had a newborn who nearly died and close friends have had stillbirths and a baby who died post delivery. Not saying that to frighten anyone, but I no longer send anything until Mum and baby are safe and ok.

New things for every baby at the expense of friends?

A baby shower organised by two people, with ‘baby pink’ described as the wrong shade of baby pink?

And a bonkers mother who is definitely going to create a drama on the day?

There’s no way in hell this is worth your time. Just duck out and leave her to it.

If you want to keep the friendship then just be honest and tell your friend the whole thing was baffling and you don’t want to cause a scene but will celebrate her baby when it comes.