Friends Baby Shower Nightmare

[Popcornlassie28]

Hey Everyone.
I am in a sticky situation and don’t want to come across as a mean person but don’t want to be walked over either.

My friend is currently pregnant with her third baby and asked me to help her Mum with organising her baby shower.
She gave me her Mum’s number to message her and her Mum stated she had organised most things but left me with some loose ends to organise (decorations, shower games, cake etc).

I found her quite unresponsive to messages and has been hard to organise with but ploughed on through. Anyways, she left all of my messages on read even ones that are asking simple questions such as ‘What time do we get the keys to the venue so we can start setting up?’

She told my friend she’s found me unhelpful (I’m so confused as I’ve been left on read on every message with zero communication) and doesn’t like what I have done so far and my friend has asked me if I could return some things and re order. It’s partly a surprise so she said she couldn’t go into detail about what it was as she ‘didn’t know.’

I sent a message to her Mum and was again met with nothing. Until today, in the WhatsApp group chat for the event she sent a message out saying that she’s organised everything by herself with NO help and to ‘bear with her’ but she’s proud of what she’s achieved by herself.

1. She hasn’t done it by herself and some of my money has gone into this? Why would she say this?
2. All other people invited thought I was helping so I feel like I don’t look like a good team player and left the task to her. This isn’t true but it’s being made to look like this.

I am really confused. I don’t want to message her Mum and upset her (she wouldn’t reply anyways) and I’m worried my friend will be upset with me.

I feel awkward to even attend!!
I don’t even know details to even help set up so I would now be turning up at the same time as the other guests and I’m worried there is going to be a situation.

EDIT: I’ve only met her Mum twice before and she’s been fine with me on both times.

There aren’t two sides, her mum is being a bitch.

Please do this, or at least send it to your friend. I can't even begin to imagine my mum calling anyone thick let alone one of my best friends!

She sees both sides! So she is saying she accepts her mothers’ ‘side’?? Her mother who is an insulting, rude dickhead and she is ok with that and her behaviour towards you. That’s not a friend.

I'd put the mum's reply on the group chat with a message to say I would not be attending or contributing further time or money.
Then block these cheeky fuckers! Your life can only improve without them in it!
It's so unbelievably rude to criticise the decorations you bought and that's before you get into the rest of their behaviour.
Next time some cheeky bitch asks you for a shit ton of free stuff for her third baby, run for the hills and don't look back!

You are way too nice. Please clap back a teensy bit 😂

Of course she wants you to still go. She wants to make sure you turn up with the cake! Seriously if that we're my mum I'd have had words with her re her behaviour.

*were

Thanks - and I totally agree with you! 🎂🌹

I'd also be massively tempted to show everyone the rude mums reply as no doubt she will be bad mouthing the shit out of you at the earliest opportunity to everyone, particularly at the baby shower if you don't go (I wouldn't!).
To be honest I wouldn't be mourning the loss of such a friendship. She wants you involved so you pay for things. Cakes are bloody expensive. I hope you enjoy every bite in the privacy of your own home with REAL friends.

Also I'd ask friend to clarify why she can "see both sides" when you've done nothing but order and pay for what you've been asked for and when her delightful mother hasn't answered any messages from you at all. You also are not the one whose gone in calling names.

Ooooo what a bitch. can you scribble out identifying info and share the screenshots here? I’m so intrigued!

If you don't want the whole cake at yours I bet the local food bank could find a use for a cake and change the icing.

Op I wouldn't turn up to the party either. The friend needs to put some serious effort into preserving the friendship.
Do you have many mutual friends that will be affected if you end the friendship completely?

Am I the only one baffled by people who want everything “new” for each child? I mean, I have only two kids and reused everything as much as possible for several reasons, one of which was that if you buy new for each child, you have to freecycle/charity shop 2x/3x as many items! Do they just throw everything in the local tip when they are done with it?

From your update a few replies back you screenshot the messages you sent with no replies etc is that right?
If so, has your friend seen the screenshots too and is still not sticking up for you or making excuses for her rude mother?
Massive step back if I were you, but make sure ALL get to see the screenshots showing exactly who was in the wrong - definitely not you x
It sounds like her mother took umbrage at not being asked to solely organise it on her own and you are the punching bag unfortunately x

Burn it all to the fucking ground.

Ask, publically, for either the decorations back or a refund, tell them as Mum has clearly sorted everything out despite messing you about and costing you money causing you to order things, they don't need either decs or cake, and being treated like shite means you've zero desire to attend.

Cut the cake up and freeze in convenient portions, it usually freezes well though wrap each bit in some greaseproof then freezer bag to stop a sticky mess on defrosting.

Long term cake supply for you and you're a useless crap friend and her nasty mother down into the bargain!

This - if she wants her baby to have something new , she can buy it herself! I was always thrilled to get decent second-hand stuff from friends, too. We shared and swapped all sorts of clothes.

Ask, publically, for either the decorations back or a refund, tell them as Mum has clearly sorted everything out despite messing you about and costing you money causing you to order things, they don't need

OP - try to get the decoration money back (I suspect you'll be on a hiding to nothing). Enjoy your cake - the freezing in portions is a good idea - those cakes aren't cheap.

And' don't go. And don't tell her you aren't going. You don't need to make any apologies to anyone who treats you like this.

She sounds like hard work...a complete diva. Distance yourself.

Id be going to collect the decorations

Your friend is a jerk. Definitely go and collect the bloody decorations. Let them know using VERY small words exactly how underwhelmed you are. Using, grabby piece of work.

Eurgh they sound utterly classless (and ‘thick’!!) - you’re well rid op!

I would pretend they can still have the cake, tell them you’ll bring it with you, and then just not go. But then I’m a petty cow and wouldn’t be bothered about being friends with this woman any more.

That would be me, too.

After all it's not hurting the baby (I wouldn't do anything t upset a child), but would let the friend and mother see just how pssed you are. (They will blame you, OP*, and take no responsibility, but that's gong to happen anyway.)

I’d be asking her just what exactly IS the other side of her dm ignoring you and then talking shit when you have made repeated attempts to engage her and gone out of your way (and out of pocket) to help this bonkers idea of a baby shower for a third child go with a bang.

I’d also be posting her dms reply to the group chat op, as she will inevitably be bad mouthing you at the event, so you may as well go out with a bang and show them just what you have been dealing with.

Or hold the cake hostage. Don’t give it to them until ALL money is reimbursed and an apology on FB.

Today I print screened and shared the messages in the group chat

@Popcornlassie28 Your friend's Mum sounds a nightmare to deal with, but you escalated this by shaming her on a group chat