Friends Baby Shower Nightmare

[Popcornlassie28]

Hey Everyone.
I am in a sticky situation and don’t want to come across as a mean person but don’t want to be walked over either.

My friend is currently pregnant with her third baby and asked me to help her Mum with organising her baby shower.
She gave me her Mum’s number to message her and her Mum stated she had organised most things but left me with some loose ends to organise (decorations, shower games, cake etc).

I found her quite unresponsive to messages and has been hard to organise with but ploughed on through. Anyways, she left all of my messages on read even ones that are asking simple questions such as ‘What time do we get the keys to the venue so we can start setting up?’

She told my friend she’s found me unhelpful (I’m so confused as I’ve been left on read on every message with zero communication) and doesn’t like what I have done so far and my friend has asked me if I could return some things and re order. It’s partly a surprise so she said she couldn’t go into detail about what it was as she ‘didn’t know.’

I sent a message to her Mum and was again met with nothing. Until today, in the WhatsApp group chat for the event she sent a message out saying that she’s organised everything by herself with NO help and to ‘bear with her’ but she’s proud of what she’s achieved by herself.

1. She hasn’t done it by herself and some of my money has gone into this? Why would she say this?
2. All other people invited thought I was helping so I feel like I don’t look like a good team player and left the task to her. This isn’t true but it’s being made to look like this.

I am really confused. I don’t want to message her Mum and upset her (she wouldn’t reply anyways) and I’m worried my friend will be upset with me.

I feel awkward to even attend!!
I don’t even know details to even help set up so I would now be turning up at the same time as the other guests and I’m worried there is going to be a situation.

EDIT: I’ve only met her Mum twice before and she’s been fine with me on both times.

*not to go

I’d be very passive aggressive in the WhatsApp and say “hey friend’s mum, I think there must be an issue with you not getting my messages because I’ve been trying to help but you’ve not responded to any of the most recent ones. Not sure why you’re not getting them but I’m more than happy to help so give me a call and we can arrange over the phone xx”

i doubt she’ll call.

I think you'd be better off without these people in your life!

I am not usually a fan of the scorched-earth revenge fantasies that many MNers enjoy but in this case I would be sorely tempted to take delivery of the cake, take a photograph of myself digging into the centre of the whole thing with a single cake fork, post it to the group chat and then immediately leave.

I would do this

As you are stuck with a huge cake that you don’t want, but have to pay for, what about asking if the decorations could be more simple and neutral and rehoming it? If you didn’t want it there might be a local Nursing home tear would like it or a charity that has accepted work from the caterer before?

I wouldn’t be inclined to give her the cake but I wouldn’t want a whole cake at home either. Although you may have another use for it

Screenshot her calling you thick and send that too so everyone knows how vile she is

What an awful woman. I think your friend is a grifter, too.

So now you’re too thick to organise a baby shower 😂😂

Seriously your mate is a twat no more or less. I’d bin her off.

This. The mother's behaviour is appalling.

@Popcornlassie28

Sorry not sure what you mean by this?

Asked for decorations to be returned (they won’t be, I bet) and the cake can’t be cancelled so I’m going to having it at time.

Totally not the point of the thread but I completely agree with you!

Wow she’s really got it in for you. But why?!?

Well done OP for the way you handled it in the end 👏 👏

Friend wants me still to come buy her a present

Corrected for you.
Please do not attend. They both sound loopy.

That's ridiculous. What has "friend" said about her mother's behaviour? I think you're better off without either of them.

I'm quite sure most people will be able to read between the lines based on what was in the group chat anyway.

And I wouldn't assume you can't cancel or postpone the cake for a different occasion - it's worth asking.

Ask friend to transfer you the cost of the decorations,

Her response will tell you whether to dump her as a friend.

I was in a similar situation with a friend a few years ago.

It was my friends first child and she was quite a young mum (19) and would have appreciated a baby shower and the gifts. It was also during Covid but restrictions allowed for small gatherings at the time, and it would have been a great opportunity for my friend to meet up with her other friends she was isolated from.

I took the iniative to make a group chat with our mutual friends and share my plans with them. Everyone agreed it was a good idea and were all happy to attend. The only issue was we needed a venue that was familiar for my friend and one she wouldn’t be suspicious of as it was a surprise. We decided to message both her partner and her mum to see if they would either facilitate at their shared apartment or her home house and made it clear we would be responsible for organising, arranging, and cleaning up.

Her mum instantly shot down the idea and said the baby shower would probably make her feel sad. I think her reasoning was Covid isolated her from friends and she would feel overwhelmed by everyone being there after not seeing them for a little while. We all knew our friend and knew this wouldn’t be the case but didn’t want to disrespect her mum and throw a baby shower without her so decided to cancel it and arrange for something once the baby was born.

My friend later admitted she felt upset she never had a baby shower and said she would’ve really loved one. I came clean to her about the above, showed her our groupchat, and messages with her mum. She agreed that in this scenario we knew her best and she wouldn’t of felt overwhelmed by it all but would have appreciated it more than anything. She was annoyed with her mum but never said anything as to keep the peace.

To conclude, mums don’t always know best! This might be controversial but from reading your own post and my own experience, I feel like they (mums) shouldn’t be involved in the planning and organising of baby showers. Baby showers are also a new craze and I feel like older generations don’t really see the point of them.

And also, I think having a baby shower for every child is insane but that’s neither my or your business. Each to their own!

Screen shot the new messages to the group. Cheeky mare.

I'm not surprised you feel really let down @Popcornlassie28
By your friend as well as her mum.

Unbelievable. What a horrible woman. Your friend is okay with this?!

@Newestname002 Sorry let me clarify.
I called the bakery and they said the order can’t be cancelled or change due to short notice. Therefore, I will keep the cake and have it at MINE (not time😅).

Decorations I originally ordered to my house and ordered ‘baby pink’ but they were apparently the wrong colour and not ‘pale baby pink’ and was asked to reorder. I was asked to the have the new order sent to her Mum’s house as she needed to see immediately if it was right or wrong with a short time limit. Hence, saying I bet I won’t get them back.

I only agreed the above as I was annoyed and wanted the petty issue of my plate. Hope that now makes sense!

@MaggieFS She said she sees both sides. She said it’s hard for her to be in the middle. X

Sees both sides?!
Keep the cake, don’t waste your time with her.

Sees both sides?! Can’t work out what her mum’s “side” could possibly be! Steer well clear OP, it’s the only sane response to such batshittery.