Friends Baby Shower Nightmare

[Popcornlassie28]

Hey Everyone.
I am in a sticky situation and don’t want to come across as a mean person but don’t want to be walked over either.

My friend is currently pregnant with her third baby and asked me to help her Mum with organising her baby shower.
She gave me her Mum’s number to message her and her Mum stated she had organised most things but left me with some loose ends to organise (decorations, shower games, cake etc).

I found her quite unresponsive to messages and has been hard to organise with but ploughed on through. Anyways, she left all of my messages on read even ones that are asking simple questions such as ‘What time do we get the keys to the venue so we can start setting up?’

She told my friend she’s found me unhelpful (I’m so confused as I’ve been left on read on every message with zero communication) and doesn’t like what I have done so far and my friend has asked me if I could return some things and re order. It’s partly a surprise so she said she couldn’t go into detail about what it was as she ‘didn’t know.’

I sent a message to her Mum and was again met with nothing. Until today, in the WhatsApp group chat for the event she sent a message out saying that she’s organised everything by herself with NO help and to ‘bear with her’ but she’s proud of what she’s achieved by herself.

1. She hasn’t done it by herself and some of my money has gone into this? Why would she say this?
2. All other people invited thought I was helping so I feel like I don’t look like a good team player and left the task to her. This isn’t true but it’s being made to look like this.

I am really confused. I don’t want to message her Mum and upset her (she wouldn’t reply anyways) and I’m worried my friend will be upset with me.

I feel awkward to even attend!!
I don’t even know details to even help set up so I would now be turning up at the same time as the other guests and I’m worried there is going to be a situation.

EDIT: I’ve only met her Mum twice before and she’s been fine with me on both times.

It was the friend’s mum who escalated it by lying and saying OP was unhelpful and also when the mum messaged everyone in the WhatsApp group chat that she’s organised everything by herself with no help. A clear dig at OP.

OP was right to respond in the group chat.

When they go low, you also go low.

@NeedToChangeName surely her friends Mum started this publicly first?

The group knew @Popcornlassie28 was helping organise the baby shower and the mum declared on the group chat she'd had no help at all and being doing it on her own. The group would most certainly then think negatively of the OP from those comments.

@Popcornlassie28 was defending herself by sharing the messages proving she had tried to communicate with the mum.

@Lacucuracha snap!

I’d leave it now. Don’t go. It’s up to the friend if she values the ops friendship and makes enough effort to continue it afterwards.

She is in the middle but she can’t condone terrible behaviour and needs to apologise profusely to the op for her mothers behaviour, whilst definitely acknowledging it was terrible, even if she doesn’t have the strength/ability to stand up to her mother.

Did anyone else reply in the group chat?

Please, please, please screenshot the Mum's reply calling you 'Thick', or at least show some of your mutual friends.
Otherwise, your friend and her mum, will play the victims during the shower - '"Oh poor us! We are SO sorry everyone for not providing a cake, but you all know OP and how strange/fussy she can be. She's now left us, and you all, without a nice cake ..."

Is her mum usually this crazy?

@NeedToChangeName Please stop gaslighting OP. She was defending herself. Don't ever imply that somebody should just sit there & take being lied about, made out to be unreliable in front of a group of friends. There's keeping the peace and then there's that. It's like saying someone who's being attacked, shouldn't ever try to defend themselves?!

Op was right to defend herself the mother tried to shame her.

I think I'd walk away and say nothing more. As tempting as it is to screen shot and share the thick comments.

Hold your head high and enjoy the cake.

Enjoy your cake!

Great minds

your friend clearly thought it a great idea for you and her mum to work together on this (mental in itself if you ask me. Calling in an army to work on your third baby shower) and blindsided her mum, who reacted unreasonably by treating you very poorly and very rudely.

everything that followed is because of your friend wanting to be fussed over. You did your best!

I'd ignore the lot of them OP, find a bunch of decent friends or even your neighbours and enjoy every single mouthful of that cake.

And make sure you post the evidence on SM.

Seconded!

I wouldn't go to the shower either, and I'd make sure any mutual friends were aware of the mothers messages.

Your friends mother has behaved poorly, but so has your friend with this "can see both sides business"

Get your money back. Detail the amount you have spent and write to the mum and your friend that you want these expenses paid back to you. Don’t go to the event. Tell your friend and her mum that you don’t agree with being ignored and your help rubbished. Move on and find other friends.

Can’t stand baby showers, I think they’re an absolute nonsense, but just message your friend and tell her what’s happened.

Agree with others - the fact that she wanted a baby shower organised for a 3rd baby was a red flag. I lost a friend over this sort of shite.

No advice really, just a big YANBU!

I thought baby showers were for first baby only

Your not welcome by the sounds of it,
Don’t force yourself onto them, just wish them well,

I find the whole baby shower thing self-indulgent up-your-own-arse crap tbh. Too much Me Me Me.

Send her a message to ask for a refund on any money you spent? If asked why, mention you do not appreciate being called names after spending time and effort.

Send your friend the screenshots and tell her that in view of her mother's hostility you can possibly show up.
And then enjoy the cake!

This

This sounds so stressful. It really wasn't wise for the pregnant friend to try and get two women from different generations who barely know each other to collaborate on the party, IMO. Her mother sounds very difficult but I'd be amazed if this is the only occasion she's shown this behaviour.

Show your friend all the messages you sent her mum and ask her to check with her mum that she received them. It's your friend that matters, not her mum. Make sure your friend knows the effort you put in.