To expect DH to get any job to contribute financially

[Sazzle2012]

My DH was made redundant just over 2 years ago. He got a large payout as he'd worked there a long time. That money helped go towards mortgage and bills but it ran out a year ago and DH is still unemployed and hasn't contributed anything financially.
In those two years though he's spent most days job hunting, he's had a handful of interviews for a variety of roles related to his career area which haven't gone anywhere. He's had career coaching, help from the job centre, help from me with his CV and getting him in for a chat with my boss for potential opportunities, and still nothing.
For context, after I'd had both DCs I didnt have a job to return to (I had been on a fixed term contract) so found some online work, and studied for a qualification while they were both preschool. This led to bigger contracts and I have worked full time in this industry for the past five years. The initial money wasn't great but enough for me to contribute, pay for holidays (basic UK ones) and stuff around the house. I paid for a new kitchen (old one was falling apart), carpets, beds, furniture for kids room, all of which he said we couldn't afford on his (then) salary.
Since he was made redundant, I have paid for most of the bills, plus a new bathroom and sofa. I've had to move jobs recently due to stress and will now earn a bit less.

Bills and mortgage have all gone up and I'm starting to stress about money.

I'm starting to feel really resentful about this situation. He says he's trying his best to find work but I have told him enough is enough and just find anything to bring in a bit of extra money to take the pressure off. I found work and a new career for myself from scratch while bringing up two young kids, so what's his excuse?!

AIBU to ask him to find any job now just to help us financially?

It's a large sum for me, but I'm sure a full time tesco driver could clear that easily.

I work in a supermarket, we definitely have men with similar age and backgrounds. I work nightshift as that works for my situation, I had always worked in admin and was 45 when i started. I've no interest in career progression, but theres plenty of opportunities to ho up the management chain. There's also been people going from shop floor to head office sales and marketing roles etc.

And as PP has said, having a job makes it easier to get another. There's plenty returning to work because of cost of living etc.

@3BSHKATS What you’re saying doesn’t negate the point that if money’s tight, her DH needs to find some sort of employment while he continues applying for the jobs he’s qualified for.

It doesn’t sound as if he’s pulling his weight at home either.

That's really interesting- why is that? (I might reinstate McDonald's on my cv then!)

The training is believed to be exceptionally good. Ive never worked for McDonalds, but did two summers at Gap.

Is he sociable? - could you sell him a bar job as a fill in, just on the sociability grounds, get out, meet some new people, have fun chatting.

What is he actually doing all day?

He should have used the time not working to learn to drive & expand the range of opportunities! Is he being snobby about what he'll take? Im pretty high paid but if i was out of work more than a month or two you'd quickly find me first in line at a supermarket or care home to earn a few bob.

Well, my ex was shagging somebody he met at Costa, so be wary of that. When they’re having a blip and low self-esteem, they don’t like to be reminded of that when they get back on their feet. Much easier to find somebody new, who never knew about this period of their lives.

Naturally, this all occurs after you financially, supported them for whatever period of time it takes them to sort themselves out

Never understand how people can be in a relationship and I paid this or he paid that....Anyway my hubby did exactly that got a job in a supermarket when nothing could be found for his qualifications after a redundancy within 3 weeks because he knows supporting his family comes first. And he mid 30s

Yes he needs to find any job, Amazon delivery driver, cleaner anything. Clearly he got lucky in his last job and isn’t getting through the interviews for one reason or another.
he needs to work on himself so that potential employees will want him. This isn’t a case of bad luck anymore.

Yanbu that he needs to get a job, and after 2 years any job to bring in money.

However, not having worked for 2 years, not being able to explain how he has been using his time whilst not working and admitting he on antidepressants may not make him as attractive candidate as someone one else.

If he is applying for jobs not relating to his previous role and still not getting anywhere he may need to get something on his cv to give a potential employer a reason to choose him.

Could he get some voluntary work locally- a charity shop, admin for a charity etc. Lots of charities have roles listed on their websites.
It will get him back into a routine of getting back into a workplace environment, give him something to include on his cv, he may learn some different skills to the ones he used before and may help his mental state.

If that isn't an option is there something he could do in the way of study on a part time basis. If part time he could then still carry on with the study if he got a job.

Would he benefit from a career coach OP?

i know this is just more money that you perhaps don’t have. It’s just you mentioned he is bad at interviews.

Interviews really are a skill!

I have just taken on two labourers on site
not the most glam job I admit but 730 -4 with two half hour breaks and 500 a week

Most “men” these days couldn’t survive a days labouring.

can’t get a labourer round here for £500 a week!

Yes ditch the cash cow now there's no cash.

He needs to sign up to an employment agency. They will find work for him. Tell him you don't care what he does but you want him working next week. If he signed up for an agency tomorrow he could be working on Thursday.

Yep, exactly.

I think the grace period for finding himself the perfect job has long since passed.

Yeah OP 100%, I'd do this myself and also FGS you did it (found a job outside your comfort zone/re trained, etc), he can too. It sounds like you have a lot of resolve and initiative that he doesn't have. There's so much work online these days as well as the kind of stuff you mention. What's his plan, sit on his butt and be unemployed the rest of his life??

Basically YANBU!

So yes all adults should get jobs and contribute to the household

Doesn’t he have any shame? Is he not embarrassed that all financial burdens are falling on you? Clearly not.

My kids dad was in a similar position. Two years later and still no job. I’ve recently dropped him as I can’t keep in struggling by myself, I may as well expect financial help from a brick wall. Good luck because he sounds like a bum.

If you haven’t got a job in two years it’s because you don’t want one. It’s really that simple

The problem is that no one becomes more employable after two years. You've lost your contacts, lost your up to date skills, out of practice doing the basics. If he wasn't getting hired two years ago, it's even less likely now. Plus his confidence is shot.

He needs to get any job anywhere (temping is a great idea) and think about anything he likes to try, now is the time.

What he can't do is nothing.

He doesn't bring in any money, doesn't organise anything - what does he contribute to the family?

Yep, he needs to get a job at Maccas and start from the bottom. He will be a store manager in no time at all. This, or similar jobs locally at hardware shops. He will look more attractive to any employer if he is working at something.
Your husband needs set an example, earn some money and contribute.
Can he grow vegetables? Start a lawn mowing business?
A pre painting cleaning business? Wash cars?
He needs to tune in to the most adaptable side of himself.