To expect DH to get any job to contribute financially

[Sazzle2012]

My DH was made redundant just over 2 years ago. He got a large payout as he'd worked there a long time. That money helped go towards mortgage and bills but it ran out a year ago and DH is still unemployed and hasn't contributed anything financially.
In those two years though he's spent most days job hunting, he's had a handful of interviews for a variety of roles related to his career area which haven't gone anywhere. He's had career coaching, help from the job centre, help from me with his CV and getting him in for a chat with my boss for potential opportunities, and still nothing.
For context, after I'd had both DCs I didnt have a job to return to (I had been on a fixed term contract) so found some online work, and studied for a qualification while they were both preschool. This led to bigger contracts and I have worked full time in this industry for the past five years. The initial money wasn't great but enough for me to contribute, pay for holidays (basic UK ones) and stuff around the house. I paid for a new kitchen (old one was falling apart), carpets, beds, furniture for kids room, all of which he said we couldn't afford on his (then) salary.
Since he was made redundant, I have paid for most of the bills, plus a new bathroom and sofa. I've had to move jobs recently due to stress and will now earn a bit less.

Bills and mortgage have all gone up and I'm starting to stress about money.

I'm starting to feel really resentful about this situation. He says he's trying his best to find work but I have told him enough is enough and just find anything to bring in a bit of extra money to take the pressure off. I found work and a new career for myself from scratch while bringing up two young kids, so what's his excuse?!

AIBU to ask him to find any job now just to help us financially?

Why? I don't drive and have no desire to, it's never been necessary. Why do you think I should learn to drive if I don't need to?

Of course he needs to get a job, any job.

Why does he expect to live for free?

@Beezknees ..that is ok, if you genuinely have no need, but if your 'its never been necessary' is because you have a DP who has always done it then, its not really never been necessary , its a i have chosen to let someone else carry this responsibility.

and what do non drivers by choice do if they have little children who need to go to hospital in the middle of the night ?
or if the driver in the family suddenly is ill ? or away ?

Yes, he needs to get something to bring in some extra money. It’s not fair if you’re starting to stress about bills.

I missed that he can't drive. That will massively limit his prospects unfortunately.
Great if you live near a train station with a decent centre of work a reasonable commute away. Very difficult if not.

Unless you can see into the future, you don’t know that it’s not going to become necessary at some point. And I presume you’ve never, ever been a passenger in a car as an adult? You’ve never been able to go somewhere because someone else has driven you there?

YANBU. I’m shocked you’ve put up with that long not working. I would expect my Dh to have got another job straight away, and invested the redundancy pay. He should get any job, even if part time, so then he can still job hunt. I recruit a lot and I’m always very suspicious of anyone having periods of time not working without an explanation. I’d much far they were doing any job even if not relevant field, as shows they are keeping their hand in.

I have been a passenger in a car, of course. But never because I needed to. If I'm going somewhere with someone and they've said "I'll pick you up" then I'll accept. But I could get there on public transport if they didn't offer. I purposely chose to live somewhere with great public transport BECAUSE I don't drive.

Can't ever think of a scenario where the only way I could get somewhere was by driving a car myself. I don't ever plan on moving anywhere that hasn't got public transport, and since I live in a housing association property I'll never need to move unless I choose to.

I'd call an ambulance or get a taxi to a hospital, there's plenty of local taxis where I am or uber. There is no driver in my family, I've been a lone parent since DS was 10 months, he's 15 years old now and we've never needed a car.

Don't have a DP, been a single parent for nearly 15 years.

You would think it would be easy to take a job at a rung lower than you left the workforce in as say any job actually really isn’t. Do you honestly think a supermarket manager who probably only has a levels himself is going to employ a degree educated sales manager with 20 years in a corporate environment. It’s just not gonna happen.

In 2008, my ex-husband was pretty much unemployed for nearly 6 years. He had old bits of consultancy work here in there, but it took him a bloody long time to get back into the workforce.
Being Male won’t help him. Women aren’t seeing as a threat.

They don’t want people who they perceive this failures. There is an overriding attitude that when making redundancies no company picks it’s best people to let go of. This is nonsense, but it is the attitude that’s out there and he’s fighting against it.

I'm a pretty OK swimmer but never in 50 years have I been in a situation where I have unintentionally ended up in a body of water. Have you?

IMO there are many essential life skills above swimming

Absolutely yes they will @3BSHKATS . They do it all the time, especially at the moment. There are 100000s of women completely overqualified for roles which they take on to fit around children. If a local restaurant need a waiter, or Amazon need a driver, they can't give a shit if he has qualifications.

@3BSHKATS It might not be easy, but if money’s tight, he needs to try and get something.

One of my cousins was made redundant a few years ago and joined a cleaning company. She was over-qualified, but she was willing to work hard and the money helped pay bills. She also did some caring. She eventually found a job that matched her qualifications, but she took what she could until she found it. It’s not impossible if you prove yourself.🤷

My DH was made redundant pre DCs. He never did minimum wage jobs and we didn't see the point. He did work an hour away in a much lower level admin job in his industry, then did enough OU study to skip a year of a regular degree and did a Masters when our DC1 was a baby. He's now just retired from the Civil Service.
Minimum wage jobs wouldn't have helped us financially but going down a rung was definitely not beneath him.

Well, that’s not my experience at all as a female and through the ex’s eyes. Any one who is overqualified for a role is met with suspicion and miss trust, people do not want subordinates who are smarter than them working for them, and they don’t want to waste their time training these people either because they know that the minute they gonna get a proper job offer they gonna leave.

Far better to invest your time in somebody who you might get two or three years out of before they move up the food chain.

Does that mean you’re never going to?
And yes, there are many other life skills above swimming. Doesn’t mean it’s not important…it could literally save your life one day.

We have completely and utterly different work experiences then @3BSHKATS

When I worked at McDonald's, there was 3 of us working the tills one evening, and we had 3 degrees, one Cambridge, and 2 phds between us.

When I worked in my corporate world job as a graduate, I'm ashamed to admit I didn't speak much ti the morning 'admin' ladies. When I went part time myself, after dc, I was surprised to discover one used to be Head of Marketing at some other large company, and the other was an engineer.

I could go through every single job I've had similarly

@Theredjellybean taxis

McDonald’s is probably one of the most exceptional employers in the world. I used to do graduate recruitment and it was something that we actively sought on people CVs. I recruited for aeronautical engineers, but if we could find one who’d worked at either McDonald’s or Gap, they would get the job above over anybody else. Sainsbury’s, Tesco’s not so much.

Again, if you’re talking about part time, low level admin roles, school hour roles they are allocated to women of a certain age in the workforce, unfortunately. They are cheap and grateful.

For his own sake, never mind that of his family, he needs to take up some sort of employment soon.

My 18 year old schoolboy grandson takes home £800/month working weekends in hospitality.

This is ridiculous. I worked in a lower grade than I achieved years ago and my manager was much younger than me, was I patronised or humiliated? No. It sounds like it's the place where you work or the people there that's the problem and all men and all women are not the same.

My husband lost his skilled job.

In order to bring money in and support our family financially he registered with an agency and started working nightshifts in a factory assembling car seats.

He has since found a well-paid job in his field again.

I am sure if he hadn't done the factory work, it would have been impossible to start working in his old career again.

The work was completely unrelated to his profession, but it showed his future employeer that he was hardworking and not lazy.