MIL telling DD how babies are born

[7whiteclouds]

My DD (6) has just said to me “when I had a sleepover at MIL’s a couple of weeks ago - MIL said to me that me and siblings were born by you having your tummy cut open but daddy was born by coming out of her vagina”.

AIBU to be really annoyed that MIL has told DD this information without 1) asking me if it was okay to have this conversation, 2) considering whether I wanted her to know this information yet and 3) whether it was ok for her to be the one to share this information?

I am all for giving my children honest information about human biology, in an age appropriate way and at a time, that I as a mother, feel is best for my children.

if DD had asked me how she was born then I would have explained to her, in the way that I want her to be taught. But DD didn’t ask MIL this question - MIL just told her this info (not sure the context of the conversation). I was waiting for my DD to come to me to ask this question - she previously had at a younger age and I’d just light heartedly said to her “through a special door on my tummy” (partially true for a CS) - until she was ready for more information. She’s not asked me for a while but if she had come to me now and asked, then yes I would have explained how babies come out.

I think it’s really selfish and insensitive for her to have shared not only my personal information with DD, but the important conversation that I believe a mother should have with her DD - not the MIL. I remember when I found out how babies were born (at around DD’s age)that I was felt really uncomfortable and embarrassed about it - I didn’t want DD to feel the same; hence why I was waiting for her to ask me the question and for me to be able to explain to her in a way that suits my DD.

AIBU to say something to her about this or should I just stay quiet?

I shouldn’t just have to automatically assume that she’d do something to denigrate me though should I? As I said, I don’t always assume the worst in people. Usually to my own detriment in the end..

never occurred to me initially because as I’ve previously said, my OP was written about 5 minutes after the conversation with DD, before I’d allowed my rational thinking to take over when I was not so wound up about it.

I’ve posted many updates and made comments to others to make my potential realisation clear.

Why would I want her to actually do that to reinforce my dislike? I would never have proof of this would I, so where would that get me? I’m not the type of person to start the Jeremy Kyle sort of drama… again, hence why I came here to discuss rather than going all guns blazing with a furious message of annoyance.

I have said exactly the same to my kids, we talked about it while my kids were 7, I don't really understand what the issue is. It's a perfectly natural thing and it's good for children to know the right words for parts of the body.

On door vs fairy – I think if your MIL (instead of you) had said "special door" you'd have found issue with that, and considered it a safeguarding issue too. Special door in various places or fairy, such euphemisms can easily be abused by any adult.

Again it's clear this is about your (possibly justified, possibly unjustified) dislike of your MIL and mistrust of her intentions rather than the actual issue

At our house we call that a 747.
Right over your head.

OP another possibility - does MIL like to be first with the 'firsts'? First ice cream, first chocolate, first hair cut if she got chance?

747 ?? what on earth does that mean ? The only thing I can think of is coneccted to aeronautics. Airports ? This thread was about a quite important issue IE sex education for children and how appropriate things are AND how inappropriate things are. Are you on the right thread ? .

90% of Mumsnet posts-

"AIBU to say my MIL is BU?"

"No you're not, OP, she's a narcissistic bitch"

"I realise now that she's even worse than I thought.Thank you for the insight."

I agree with this. 6 is about normal I'd say, and better your MIL than school friends and the internet!

I agree with this. 6 is about normal I'd say, and better your MIL than school friends and the internet!

Of course you’re being unreasonable and ridiculous. It’s not like she told her the full story of how babies are MADE! I’m actually pretty shocked that you’ve never told your daughter before?! What are you worried about? It’s natural and true and fine. It’s not a dirty secret!

I don't think she said this to put you down for not giving birth the 'right' way because she'd have used emotive language if she was.

Have you since had a conversation with your DD to explain things to her in the way you want her to learn?

MIL was out of order. If either of my grandchildren asked me questions about birth I would say ‘ask your mummy, she’ll explain’ then I’d tell my DIL.

The vote is currently on 74% believe the op is unreasonable, not the mil.

and that’s what I meant by having the conversation in the best way for my child - I would have been factual, I would have used correct terminology and I would have had a clear conversation to ensure she understood and didn’t feel awkward or embarrassed and could ask me any questions.

im mot sure you can convincingly use that argument when youve also said youve told your children they came out of a special door.

Why not if he was getting it right? If he wasn't you could have added bits. Do you think you're going to stop playground chat?

Boys should know about periods from a young age too.

@@7whiteclouds it doesn't need to be scary. She asked, you told her nonsense, she's not stupid, so she asked someone she trusted to be honest with her (you weren't there, why are you assuming she didn't ask? There's no point in say DD says she didn't because 'asked' is too nuanced for a 6 yo.)

I'm with you on this OP.

Children are best served by the facts, with the level of detail given increasing with age. They are not helped by silence, mysteries or nonsense. You got a YABU from as soon as I read "special door".

When I clicked on this thread I was expecting you to be upset because MiL had said something about storks and you were upset about your DC being told bullshit like that

You said yourself everyone has different values. I know you don't like MIL but she might not have even realised this would be such a big deal to you.
And no matter what, I don't believe she just randomly told your DD. Something would have lead up to it. You keep saying you don't know the context while also insisting your DD didn't ask about it? So did you say to DD did you ask granny about where babies come from? If you did she could probably sense you were angry so said no. If you didn't ask you don't know.
There is no indication she told your DD her way of giving birth was the right way either. And I say all this as someone who doesn't have a great MIL.

A special door? Wtf? A CSection is your tummy? Why would you just ntk say your tummy? I think your MILs done you a favour

The only two things that are abundantly clear is that you really, really, really hate your MIL and look at everything she does through eyes of hate and you love drama. And your daughter is caught in the middle.

I think that the special door shot you in the foot. There is clearly no special door. You are not a reliable source of info, so she needed to go elsewhere.

My ds was only 2 when he asked how he got out of my tummy. I did not want it to sound grizzly, so I told him that the doctors took him out. That was enough to process initially. He came back shortly after with wanting to know:

Do doctors use your belly button as a hole to pull babies through? (No, they give a medicine so a mummy cannot feel any pain, they make a special cut in mummy's tummy and lift the baby out.

If it was the same for all babies (no, sometimes mummy's push babies out of their vaginas)

Does it have to be mummy's who have babies?

By 5 he knew about sperm and eggs, what testicles do, how sperms travels to an egg. My children were born via ivf. My son is 6. He can tell you what ivf is and knows it is how doctors help people to make children. He has a couple of books with sexual information in them. He views it as scientific information, like his books with facts about dinosaurs, or space.

It is just information. Talking about special hatches is akin to the cabbage patch or stork nonsense.

I think it would be a different story if she’d told her how the baby got in there but telling her about different ways in which babies are born is a very age appropriate.

Also, the lady who didn’t want her 3 and 6 year old to know about periods, 🙃 that’s ridiculous.

I don't- I'm wondering though if MIL has a habit of making digs and she sees vaginal birth as better so was making a dig. As C-Section Mum myself I've had subtle digs myself.