MIL telling DD how babies are born

[7whiteclouds]

My DD (6) has just said to me “when I had a sleepover at MIL’s a couple of weeks ago - MIL said to me that me and siblings were born by you having your tummy cut open but daddy was born by coming out of her vagina”.

AIBU to be really annoyed that MIL has told DD this information without 1) asking me if it was okay to have this conversation, 2) considering whether I wanted her to know this information yet and 3) whether it was ok for her to be the one to share this information?

I am all for giving my children honest information about human biology, in an age appropriate way and at a time, that I as a mother, feel is best for my children.

if DD had asked me how she was born then I would have explained to her, in the way that I want her to be taught. But DD didn’t ask MIL this question - MIL just told her this info (not sure the context of the conversation). I was waiting for my DD to come to me to ask this question - she previously had at a younger age and I’d just light heartedly said to her “through a special door on my tummy” (partially true for a CS) - until she was ready for more information. She’s not asked me for a while but if she had come to me now and asked, then yes I would have explained how babies come out.

I think it’s really selfish and insensitive for her to have shared not only my personal information with DD, but the important conversation that I believe a mother should have with her DD - not the MIL. I remember when I found out how babies were born (at around DD’s age)that I was felt really uncomfortable and embarrassed about it - I didn’t want DD to feel the same; hence why I was waiting for her to ask me the question and for me to be able to explain to her in a way that suits my DD.

AIBU to say something to her about this or should I just stay quiet?

Ah missed this one. That's what I was wondering with my comment. If there's history there.

I think you're overthinking it.

As your DD grows many people will say things to her which you cannot control.

You are seeing safeguarding issues etc, where there aren't any.

Just mention it it to MIL next time you see her.

There is no way that your MIL brought this up at random. She was asked and she answered and by the sounds of it did a far better job of it than you would have done with your “special door” claptrap. 🙄

I instantly thought this when I read the OP. Unfortunately there are smug women out there like this re.births (and breastfeeding!).

I have read a few more of your posts now and you have massively changed your story since your first post. It is so tedious when somebody does that because responses are not going their way.

You are an example of why I sometimes feel sorry for women with sons. You are determined to demonise her. I am glad she has a son that won’t put up with your nonsense.

I had no idea so many people still skirt around the physical explanations with kids. It really isn't necessary, children are perfectly able to learn about birth, periods and anything else that comes up. Children also love to get explanations from a few people if they don't understand something; everyone referring back to mummy who's only giving garbled nonsense about special doors would be awful. On the contrary, deliberately obscure language like "special door" or "fairy" puts children at risk, because they don't have language to explain anything that makes them uncomfortable. If you really can't manage the conversation OP, have a chat with teachers as they can cover any topics in an age appropriate way through PHSE class as they come up. (Your switch from secret doors to claiming you'd have used proper words didn't ring true, sorry, it just doesn't work to switch stuff around because a thread isn't going your way and the topic is actually too important to play games.)

As for the person whose DH is scolding a 5 year old for repeating facts, he's a disgrace. Listen and correct if needed. The impact on your children who now think periods are a disgusting secret is even worse. If you really don't feel able to give basic explanations about the human body then pass the kids to your ILs for a chat, they are clearly much better parents.

Oh get over yourself. Of course YABU.
your daughter asked a question and got an answer… what did you want your MIL to do… lie and say through a special door?

Tbh I'm surprised she didn't know that very simple age appropriate answer your mil gave her already at 6. Was your DD distressed by this. I have a DD who probably know since 4 about the exit of a baby. Luckily not asked anything else but I'm ready with age appropriate answer. Like you going to be honest in age related way. Leave it for now.

How do you categorise OP what information is allowed to be passed on by MIL and what is not? Is you MIL allowed to talk about history, King Henry VIII? I don't get why childbirth is so taboo?? Women do it daily.

My child has known from a very young age that she was cut out of me....and that is how I phrase it and she is fine.

I also refer to her nether regions when talking about wiping to wipe her foo/fairy whatever term you want, but she also knows the correct terms. I can't imagine overhearing any woman in a public toilet saying....make sure you wipe your vuvla well!!

Get a grip OP. If your MIL said it in terms you don't agree with, take comfort in the fact that your daughter is educated by you enough to translate

I agree with you. If dd had asked mil , she should have told dd to ask mummy and daddy. This is a conversation for parents to have with their children.

To me that would make a young child think it's a taboo subject and make them more wary of questioning it in future.

From the way you wrote it, it sounds like there was some kind of judgment on MIL’s behalf about you having had a c section as opposed to her having a vaginal birth?
if that’s the case, I would be annoyed.
otherwise, no.

Maybe I am your MIL

I remember being about 4/5 and my mum telling me babies came from a "hole" in a woman's body. Too be honest I was very confused (wondering where this hole was) and it would have been easier for my mum to have been more specific. My 4 year old knows babies grow in a tummy and if she wants to talk about it in a few months I will be more specific but will keep it to words she will understand.

I also refer to her nether regions when talking about wiping to wipe her foo/fairy whatever term you want, but she also knows the correct terms. I can't imagine overhearing any woman in a public toilet saying....make sure you wipe your vuvla well!!

I would do this. For boys we have the word willy which isn't cutesie, and isn't crude. For girls there's no equivalent, so I always use vagina/vulva. The alternatives are crude words I obviously don't want my three year old using, or words I find unbearably twee like cookie/fairy/foo.

Don't see the problem here.
Would you have rather she told her the stork left her under a bush 😵‍💫?

Sounds to me like grandma gave a description of a vaginal and CS birth.
She could have just told her about a vaginal birth which probably would have upset you too, seeing as dd wasn't born like that.

Give the woman a break.

Well..............

No, we don't 🙄

@eldersis

I can remember being sent to my room by a very flustered mum when I asked "MUM whats a prolapsed uterus" I think ! was about 8 at the time.

My mother was similarly flustered when I asked her what 'adultery' was, having heard on the BBC radio news that Sophia Loren was accused of it.

I spend part of my working day with 6 year olds - I can confirm they ask all sorts of things completely randomly!

Your MIL may have been put on the spot and answered honestly with a view to getting back to the original topic of conversation quickly. Your DD may have not asked anything at all but instead asserted her version of how women give birth, through cs, and your MIL corrected her that not everybody has cs births? The only way you would know is by having a calm, non-judgemental chat with MIL about how the subject came up.
You seem very defensive about your cs, you really needn’t be, nobody wins prizes for how they give birth and very often we aren’t in control of what happens but the most important thing is a healthy baby at the end surely?

YABU.

Maybe we do…..

Anyway OP, I’d be very surprised if your DD didn’t know by now how babies got out. At that age my DD knew how they got in too. Your MIL had a perfectly age appropriate conversation with her, looks like you’re just looking for ways to criticise her.

Also why be “uncomfortable and embarrassed” by the most natural thing in the world? That’s a bit weird tbh.

YABU. Special door my arse. Stork delicately delivered you under a bush and left you there unaccompanied. Fairy, foo, etc.
In some cases, not explaining how our human bodies work and making up silly names for our sexual organs can lead to confusion and misunderstandings for children (and adults), and can obscure serious safeguarding issues.

How do you know for absolute certain that dd didn't ask? It's entirely possible that she saw your (over)reaction to what she was telling you and assumed she'd be in trouble with you for having asked.

That said, I'd probably have batted the question away and told her to ask mum (or dad).

I know how it feels to have a judgy mil though so you have my sympathy for that.

My husband said he was 7 when another boy told him he knew how babies are made. The boy said 'A man and a lady put their cocks together'. Husband said that he felt sceptical because he already knew, having a little sister, that ladies didn't have 'cocks', but he also felt from what he had already heard whispered in the playground, that it was something along those lines.