Banned from school event.

[Wuzzlew]

Help!

My child has had a terrible time at school and technically leaves next Wednesday after final GCSE Exam.

School contacted me yesterday to say that due to poor behaviour choices they were no longer allowed to attend a series of after school or out of school leavers events.

However, there is also an awards ceremony next Friday for 1 hour. They have also been banned from this.

My child has significant SEN.

My issue is, which I’ve slept on and still can’t decide what to do is that they don’t want me tell my child until after their final exam.

Whilst this is sensible to allow them to focus on their remaining GCSE’s, it also seems cruel.

My child has chosen and selected gifts and written lovely letters to all their teachers which they are hoping to give out after the assembly.

They keep talking about the assembly to me and today when I collected them, mentioned how excited they were about the upcoming leavers events to teaching staff.

I feel like my choice is, tell them and potentially screw up their final GCSE’s as they probably won’t attend or let them go around school excitedly talking about events they are not going to be part of until the end of next week.

AIBU to think that I have been put in an impossible position and what would you do?

I would not tell them. Agree a v difficult situation for you though.

Poor behaviour or poorly managed SEN?

I wouldn’t tell them either.

I would not tell them. I would also rock up to the awards ceremony, and they can explain to your child face to face

@ModeWeasel

I say poor SEN management.

They say poor behaviour choices. That’s a whole other 10,000 threads!

Sorry, that reply was meant for @StrictlyAFemaleFemale

@Tinkerbyebye That is what my husband and I said!

I wouldn’t tell them until afterwards. Don’t screw up their exams.

Depending on what the behaviour was, what support the child had received with their SN etc etc I might well push back hard with the school though - I can understand having sanctions for poor behaviour but it does need to take account of his SN. And banning him from absolutely everything seems very harsh. But it depends on the details.

That's what I was going to say

I wouldn’t tell, but I would expect the school to tell him as soon as his last exam is over.

Remind the school that discrimination on the basis of disability is an offence under the Equalities Act 2010, and that you’re going to consult either SENDIASS or an advocate to ensure they’re not falling foul.

I have zero time for schools being discriminatory because they can’t be bothered to learn the intricacies of their students needs.

Wow, that is horrible. I’m not sure what to advise though. They have put you in a really difficult position.

This seems like a good idea

@Blueskysunflower The action that has triggered this consequence was a verbal argument with a friend when a visitor was nearby.

Did their behaviour result in damage to the school? Or did he threaten/ harm another student?

Why do they want YOU to tell him. Your job here is to provide solace, support and love to a very disappointed dc when THEY tell him.
I would not tell him now. I would make an appointment directly after the last exam and make his head of year tell him.

It is still perfectly possible for children with SEN to make poor behaviour choices.

I first I would t tell them

But I'd be fighting like a tigress to have them included - simply banning them from all the final school events is utterly awful . What does it matter now they're leaving ?

Unless there is a chance they would disrupt the events I'd be seriously questioning what the actual fuck the school are playing at and whose decision it was and how they reached it

What happened to inclusion? If they are managed in a mainstream school their behaviour cannot be so poor ?

I'd be livid . And I'd be maki g an appt to discuss this decision.

if punishment is meant to impact behaviour going forward that doesn’t apply here. This is just mean on the part of the school.
J

The school should tell them. Unless there has been past incidences where news has been better received when you deliver it.

Agree that you have been put in a difficult position, but unfortunately are just going to have to deal with it and not say anything til exams have finished. But if it were me I think I would try to push back with the school over the awards assembly and explain how much it would mean to your DC. Failing that, could school arrange a separate time when your DC could go in after the end of exams and give out the gifts and letters and say a proper goodbye?

I vaguely recall the school's having a legal responsibility for y11 students up to the last Friday in June, might be worth a Google...

I think I'd take the description of your child wanting to say goodbye to staff and such back to the school and ask them to help you find a way to facilitate that happening. It seems like from what you've posted that this assembly is important to your child, and speaking to staff is important to them too, but the peer stuff less so? I'd offer the compromise to the school that child should be allowed to the assembly but perhaps not the other events mentioned. Obviously I think they should be accommodated much better but at this late stage in the relationship with the school it'd be a hard won battle.

Allowing child to attend the relatively short assembly seems like it would satisfy their need for closure on their school time, but also allow the school to avoid losing face by having to back down completely, which you could force them to do, I'm sure.

@FussyPud I have emailed SENDIASS and our local education authority. I have sought help from an agency we have worked with before.

I have pushed back so far as to say that I will accept everything but would like some reconsideration on the awards ceremony.

I just feel so sick.

I have been listening to their excited chat about it all evening.

Absolutely