Banned from school event.

[Wuzzlew]

Help!

My child has had a terrible time at school and technically leaves next Wednesday after final GCSE Exam.

School contacted me yesterday to say that due to poor behaviour choices they were no longer allowed to attend a series of after school or out of school leavers events.

However, there is also an awards ceremony next Friday for 1 hour. They have also been banned from this.

My child has significant SEN.

My issue is, which I’ve slept on and still can’t decide what to do is that they don’t want me tell my child until after their final exam.

Whilst this is sensible to allow them to focus on their remaining GCSE’s, it also seems cruel.

My child has chosen and selected gifts and written lovely letters to all their teachers which they are hoping to give out after the assembly.

They keep talking about the assembly to me and today when I collected them, mentioned how excited they were about the upcoming leavers events to teaching staff.

I feel like my choice is, tell them and potentially screw up their final GCSE’s as they probably won’t attend or let them go around school excitedly talking about events they are not going to be part of until the end of next week.

AIBU to think that I have been put in an impossible position and what would you do?

Now THAT would be cruel to the child.

I can understand not being allowed to attend prom or similar, but a leavers assembly should be every leavers right. Id be attempting to negotiate regarding the assembly to be honest.

Based on what you have said it sounds disproportionate and pretty vindictive.

I have no particular experience or expertise with SEN but I would be going to the governor.

Banned from a leavers assembly is a huge sanction reserved for a tiny proportion of students and usually a reflection of ongoing deliberate misbehaviour.

Critically reflect on your sons behaviour all year, has he made bad choices?

The cards and presents is lovely but doesn't always mean students are doing what you need them to in school.

By all means speak to school to find out all of the information about why he has been banned, but it wouldn't be a decision that was overturned where I am.

I feel sad for your child....end of an era and they aren't allowed to go.....cruel punishment.....Rock up anyway!!!!

Don’t screw up the exams

What poor behaviour?

I have heard of this happen before

It's not unusual

Poor behaviour has consequences

Well you dont have to tell him yet, because it isnt decided yet - you are in the process of advocating for him, and if you are sucessful and he is allowed to the awards then you would have misinformed him if you had told him now!

Were they told beforehand what the expected behaviour was to be?

We got a list of expected behaviour to be allowed to prom and the leavers' assembly (no difference to ds who doesn't want to do either anyway!) and almost all was easy to comply with (eg attending lessons up to half term) and would be a definite choice not to.
The only one I thought was unreasonable was number of revision sessions needed to attend, simply because there weren't huge numbers of revision sessions left. When this was pointed out to them, they agreed and removed that condition.

@SeaToSki It’s not looking likely that anything will change. I strongly believe, that whatever I say or do is not going to change a thing.

Absolutely this!

Were you and your child aware this was a potential consequence? Were they on a final chance type of thing? A leavers assembly seems like a right of passage and unless there is a safety risk they should be allowed to finish school with everyone else. If you're going you can be clear that you will be fully responsible for them when they're there?

It's shit can you argue it? I'd wait till after to tell your child.

Not only does the punishment seem wholly disproportionate to the "crime", but it's further intensified by how hard it's likely to hit your poor DC; harder than a non-SEN child.

Can you approach the governors?

That's cruel. Everyone went to the leavers assembly and they said something positive about every child and at the same time there were alot of references to challenges too.

That sounds ridiculous. Surely if the banning is a consequence (for having a verbal argument with a friend, wtf?) then it should have been decided on and communicated to your dc there and then? How on earth is a child supposed to understand a 'poor behaviour choice' if the consequence is kept a secret until a later date? And surely the consequence should fit 'the crime' so to speak, so how on earth is your child missing events going to have any impact on the impression the visitor got if the school? (Which I'm assuming is the main concern of the school 🙄) I could understand say your dc having to apologise for bad language to the visitor, or apologise to the friend, but this punishment just seems vindictive and out of proportion. Unless there was some type of violent behaviour you haven't been made aware of, then why is there any risk for your dc attending the events?

This is horrible for you OP, but I'd keep quiet for now, and meantime really push back on this. The banning is disproportionate.

I speak as someone who has been a Head of Year 11 btw so I'd really question this decision by the school. From my ex HOY pov if I'd decided this, I'd fully be prepared to meet with parents/carers and inform the pupil myself quite quickly, but I'd never choose such a delayed consequence quite honestly. I did have cause to ban a child from their prom but this was due to a dangerous, violent behavioural incident, and this decision was fully discussed with everyone involved inc parents, as school staff know how important these events are to the children it wouldn't be a decision made lightly.

I'd fight this tooth and nail

Unless your child really has caused dangerous disruption with repeated warnings of the consequences I'd fight it - I can't see the benefit to the school - he/she is leaving .

They've been happy enough to accept the extra funding that comes with having an SEN student - I'd be fighting it . I wouldn't passively accept this - I can't imagine how your child would feel being so excluded- if their behaviour was that bad why are they still in the school ??
What's your child's diagnosis op ?
Are the behaviours associated to their condition or are they just really badly behaved ?

Definitely don’t tell him before the exam - that is the most important thing. However I would talk to the school and tell them that he is excited to give gifts in and strongly ask them to reconsider. What a rotten situation for you.

Are they worried the assembly may be too much for him, can you offer to go to support him?

Otherwise it does sound very mean!

I've advocated for people before now as my son now an adult has Aspergers - I successfully fought the LEA and won - it takes tenacity and energy but if you know your child and their condition you can do it .

I wouldn't allow this - at least I wouldn't take it lying down - I can't imaging the hurt this will cause and it seems needless when the school isn't going to even have to deal with them anymore ! They've been happy enough to allow them to stay in their school (and take the extra £££££ says the cynic in me )

Come in op fight it .

They can only exclude her/him from the ceremony if they judge that her/his behaviour will be unsafe or severely disruptive during the event.

Unless s/he is a risk to or is intimidating staff or pupils, then it is unreasonable to do that.

Spiteful and unprofessional I'd say.

Take it straight to the head and challenge, challenge, challenge. It’s very poor practice.

Meanwhile teachers and teaching assistants are been sworn at, slapped, punched, kicked, spat at, sexually assaulted by children who often have SEND needs but yeh …. but you are right …. It’s because we can’t be bothered.
SEND needs doesn’t mean poor behaviour is ok

https://www.unison.org.uk/news/2022/10/school-staff-face-violent-attacks-from-pupils-with-some-receiving-death-threats-new-research-finds/amp/

God that is nasty. I hope you can find a way of going and ensuring your DC enjoys the night. Some teachers are heartless.

I think you need an urgent discussion with them about disability discrimination and whether they really want you to have to take this to the tribunal.