Banned from school event.

[Wuzzlew]

Help!

My child has had a terrible time at school and technically leaves next Wednesday after final GCSE Exam.

School contacted me yesterday to say that due to poor behaviour choices they were no longer allowed to attend a series of after school or out of school leavers events.

However, there is also an awards ceremony next Friday for 1 hour. They have also been banned from this.

My child has significant SEN.

My issue is, which I’ve slept on and still can’t decide what to do is that they don’t want me tell my child until after their final exam.

Whilst this is sensible to allow them to focus on their remaining GCSE’s, it also seems cruel.

My child has chosen and selected gifts and written lovely letters to all their teachers which they are hoping to give out after the assembly.

They keep talking about the assembly to me and today when I collected them, mentioned how excited they were about the upcoming leavers events to teaching staff.

I feel like my choice is, tell them and potentially screw up their final GCSE’s as they probably won’t attend or let them go around school excitedly talking about events they are not going to be part of until the end of next week.

AIBU to think that I have been put in an impossible position and what would you do?

If it is based on this- is the other child banned too?

my DS with Sen was also threatened with no prom - he didn’t want to go so didn’t raise it. It was essentially behaviour escalating not managing with changes. Of exams been in different places . The school made some mistakes which they admitted - but my Ds called a level of chaos .

Gcse’s are particularly difficult for children with Sen’s

my Ds hasn’t mentioned it . I am aware of the date but playing it down .

Ahh OP. My heart sank reading this. No useful advice just wanted to offer a bit of support to you both. Your poor kid. I hope he has a better time whatever he’s moving on to next. Onwards and upwards x

At risk of being leapt on again for talking about my neighbours child .....

She's an absolute nightmare . At the weekend she tied to kick my injured ankle because she thought it was funny

She turned a hosepipe on me

She said some horrible things to me (after battering and pestering her mum to have me go round!)

But I understand her condition and I make allowance's- I do however set my boundaries and lay down consequences.

The easy option would b stop going round , ditch my best friend because her dd is a total pain in the arse - but I don't because I get where much of her behaviour stems from

She is anxious and I swear she tests me to see if I'll stick by her . It's hard at times . I get cross and I tell her I'm cross and that if she doesn't stop with the poor behaviour I'm going home .

But I'd still fight for her as an advocate because I understand her condition. I have assisted her mum with advocacy when needed with school , as I had amazing advocacy from much more experienced parents when my boy was in school and needed it .

Don’t tell. A sudden disappointment will affect them for a few days or weeks, but failing exams will affect them forever.

I do think it’s awful though. Schools shouldn’t be allowed to exclude kids from leavers events. They are not privileges (or shouldn’t be).

Absolutely do NOT tell him / her before their final exam. Exam results matter for a long time, one set of school events doesn't really matter in the long run. It's more important that your DC has the best opportunity to do well in their GCSEs.

And there's an awful lot of schools who find it convenient to decide that is the case rather than make the effort to identify and meet SEN.

There is clear government guidance to schools about thinking carefully about whether there are unmet SEND when considering disciplining children, but many schools ignore it - particularly the academies who think it's big and clever to make a massive show of rigid discipline policies. There's a lot about the behaviour of this school which makes it look as if it is within that category.

Zipidy I get completely what your saying but this is a child that the school have kept in mainstream right to the end - if their behaviour was so
Poor - would that happen ? Or would they have been excluded by now ?

Look at school policies - particularly around behaviour and exclusions and SEN to see if these are being correctly followed.

Bit off topic, but OP hasn't stated the child's gender and so many people have assumed it is a boy :(

I've not assumed gender - I e said " them/ they etc !)

This exactly.
Don’t tell your dc before the exam, he/she needs a calm head for that.
Then discuss with the school citing the above and possible discrimination of SEN.

Have you told the school about the gifts, letters and excitement? Maybe they would relent and allow your child to go to at least one of the events.

I'd be tempted to do this.

It seems a very cruel thing for the school to do.

Don’t say anything. Your rational can be it’s not set in stone yet because you are contesting it.

I didn't say YOU had. I said many posters have. At least 5 posts on this thread use he/ him without having been told this is a boy. It's just a shame that's the assumption - it could equally be a girl.

Not saying you aren’t telling the truth OP but in 20 years of teaching I don’t think I can remember one pupil who had behaviour bad enough to be banned from a leavers assembly who would have had any interest in attending or in handing out cards etc.
those 2 things just don’t go together normally.

I have definitely heard of kids banned from prom who wanted to go but as a social activity that is entirely different.

Can the Senco help at all - most of the Sencos I have worked with are massive advocates for their students (in a way which is sometimes difficult for their teachers!)

could your child go but sit with you? Did they suggest what they think your child might do at the assembly or is it just a case of them only wanting them on site for exams. Definitely seems a bit vindictive.

Why is the sanction so severe?

OP, what was the incident? Was it an aggressive verbal altercation with swearing and threats? Were others frightened? If not, I can’t get my head round such a significant consequence. What an end to the school year.

Do you have a decent relationship with the school or are things hostile?

I think you need to challenge this assertively.

The most challenging presentations of SEN are in boys by a long way.

In six years of teaching children with severe SEBD, I didn't have a single girl in any of my classes.

I did refer to both sexes in my reply here though.

Exactly this. And to fight for the other perks removed. This sounds really ott unless there is something you’re not telling us. You’ve conceded almost everything and they aren’t budging.

Do you think your child would somehow spoil the leavers assembly for others? Maybe you could explain about the letters and see if they could come in for ten mins at the end to say goodbye with you there too.

Well in over a decade of working with young people, I've met a good proportion of girls with SEN too and many with behavioural issues. It's just an observation. Weird that so many people assume it's a 'him' when OP used 'they'.

Agreed! And quite often staff with SEN are discriminated against by the parents who come marching in telling them they don't understand their own disability. Sadly the majority of parents don't bother much to find out the needs of the staff and learn about their disabilities, their needs and what helps them within school. It shows their attitudes towards disabilities when they assume no one in the school has one as if kids with SEN can't ever grow up and have a successful career as an adult with SEN.

Perhaps suggest you will go to the awards ceremony and sit with your child so that you can support them to behave appropriately.

You're comparing apples with oranges.
It is true that some children have astonishingly poor behaviour and that teachers come to harm from this.
It is also true that some children are discriminated against and forced out of their school by vindictive teaching staff.
Not all children with SEN behave poorly and not all poor behaviour stems from SEN.
I have worked in a school where a pupil threw another pupil at me and only got suspended the next day because he hit me, not because he threw another boy.
I have also worked in a school where the teaching staff intentionally goaded a boy they didn't like into getting permanently excluded in Y11 right before his GCSEs and the people involved (including a head of department) came into the staffroom cheering about the "good news" that they had manipulated a child into ruining his future.
People and schools are all different.
It's not black and white and no one is saying teachers or pupils are "all good" or "all bad" because that would be preposterous.

Most children who are banned from a leavers assembly are probably not bothered so the fact your child is excited makes it really difficult.

I hope the school decide your child can attend.