To think this is insanely childish? Anyone else been shocked by an adult’s immaturity?!

[llammar]

In our group of friends one of us can’t make the birthday dinner for someone in the group. They birthday girls has taken huge offence and said the alternative date suggested ‘isn’t her actual birthday so it won’t feel the same.’ Wtf? She’s going to
be 38 not 6? It’s literally moving the day from a Friday (her birthday) to a Saturday. I’ve

I can't stand the attitude that your birthday MUST be celebrated ON THE DAY. On the other hand, if the other person is demanding that everyone change the day just to accommodate her, that's also childish. The birthday person should not take offence if someone can't make the day, but she's not obliged to change the time- with any date, there's likely to be someone who can't make it.

I agree with you OP - it's bloody daft to get worked up about something like that when you're a grown arsed woman of nearly 40.
I would be very much wtf?! if one of my friends had a strop on in this situation.

I bet flying-in friend isn't demanding anything - probably just said 'Ah bollocks, sorry, I can't do the Friday night but could do Saturday?'

But don’t you see, it’s not about the traveling friend and when she wants to have the birthday dinner. It’s about the friend whose birthday it is. She wants the get together on her actual birthday. It’s her birthday, so it’s her call.

It’s not your call, it’s not the traveling friend’s call, it’s the birthday Princess’s call.

If the Birthday Princess knew you and traveling friend were moaning about her preference to have her birthday dinner on the actual day, and that you’ve come on here to insult her, she probably would disinvite you both. In fact, maybe she knows traveling friend doesn’t much like her so she isn’t willing to move the day for her. We really have no idea of the context around all this. But the way you talk about her gives you away re how you really feel about her “she’s lovely but” sure.

Oh I’m sorry, I meant to include her full title. Precious Birthday Princess.

Most sensible adults don't make a song and dance about their 38th birthday IME. Is she going to have everyone singing happy birthday and clapping while she blows out thirty eight candles on a cake? Will the focus have to be on her all night just because she's the 'birthday girl'? At 38?!

I think OP is the friend who cannot get there ,that’s why she is so annoyed!

Sorry, I haven't read the full thread, just popped on to say that I'm currently on a train to my dd's house to celebrate the birthday of my granddaughter. Her birthday is today but we are going out to celebrate tomorrow as Fridays are school days. My granddaughter is eight today. She will be in bed when I arrive. We skyped briefly this morning. Your friend needs to grow up.

This is my attitude too. It's not about the woman who can't make it making anyone change the date, if I was the birthday person I'd want that friend to be at my birthday celebration!

I'm sure the OP said that everyone could make it the next day

@llammar well for me personally I suppose it depends whether celebrating with all your friends is more important or whether having it on your actual birthday is… for me I’d arrange the date for when everyone could attend.. but I know people who wouldn’t change the date for anyone..
People are precious, I’ve known people throw a hissy about kids birthday present being wrapped in the ‘wrong’ paper… A family member hated the fact her birthday was shared with her Nan… felt it awful she had to ‘share’ her birthday! My birthday often falls on Mother’s Day or Easter and it really doesn’t bother me… but we are all different! The friend that can’t make it should just say ‘OK, we’ll I’m out of the country so won’t be there! I wouldn’t apologise if I was her as the birthday girl clearly isn’t bothered about her being there.

I don’t think people have said it’s necessary, just that it’s up to the person whose birthday it actually is to decide when they want to celebrate it. I think you are really odd for thinking she should accommodate another person on HER birthday. If she’s ok with them not being there, then fine. It isn’t their birthday.

Also @llammar when she said she couldn’t make that date, was it her suggestion to move the date or other friends from the group suggesting moving the date? I think it’s reasonable for other friends to say ‘oh Sandra can’t make that date, how about the following night?
is she single?? (The birthday girl)…

when I was married I used to spend birthday with family and DH, now single I suppose going out with family in the day and friends in the evening might seem more important, not wanting to sit alone on your birthday etc… but also spreading over 2 days has its benefits

It’s not everyone else’s birthday though 😂 Am I missing something? The important person in a birthday party is surely…the person whose birthday it is. Are you guys like the cast of Friends or something? You have a really odd mindset about this.

Haven't read all the way through but can't believe how many people are supporting the idea that the celebration HAS to be on their birthday. YES OP the woman is being incredibly childish. So when she turn's 40 and it lands on a Monday she's going to insist that everyone attends a big birthday bash on that MONDAY - I mean seriously??? Pathetic! I didn't even do this with my kids - their parties were always at weekends that got the greatest number of yeses!

So who wants to bet this is a semi-reverse and OP is the childish and entitled friend who wants somebody to reschedule their birthday to her convenience rather than just accepting there is a party they can't go to.

This!

I delayed my 18th birthday party by 6 weeks so someone could attend.
But I guess it depends how much the birthday girl likes the person!

I cant remember the last time one of my friends actually had a birthday night out on their actual birthday. We always try to find a date to suit as many people in our friendship group as possible. Sometimes people still cant make it and they withdraw gracefully. I think its ridiculous for an adult to sulk about such a thing.

I would prefer to go on the Saturday and everyone is there than the Friday and 1 isn't there. My birthday is a popular time for people to go on holiday, so I rarely celebrate on the day itself, sometimes not even the same week, shock horror!!

Maybe birthday girl can't do saturday because she has other plans

I agree with this. It reads like this was decided by the group without actually considering if the birthday friend wanted to do that and because she expressed she isn’t (which she is well within her right to since it is about her birthday), OP is annoyed with her because she won’t accommodate someone else for her birthday which she doesn’t have to.

I can see where OP is coming from BUT, it’s not something I would be upset about nor do I think it is OP’s problem since they’re the ones that can make it. If the person who can’t make it is put out about it, that’s between them and the birthday girl and tbh, I wouldn’t be upset or resort to OP’s level of annoyance or insults if someone wanted to celebrate their birthday on their actual day.

I guess it depends on her situation. Does this mean she will spend her Birthday on her own. Don’t understand why you wouldn’t just have the meal without the friend that can’t make it

No, she will spend her bday with all her other friends, apart from the friend who can’t make it because they’re busy.

I agree with you OP, birthday girl is being childish. Why leave out one friend just because she can't wait a day? Even actual kids celebrate their birthdays on days other than their birthdays - eg by having a party on Saturday rather than a weekday.

In my family we give presents on the actual.day, maybe have a special tea with cake at home but choose a suitable day / evening to go out. It does feel like a birthday celebration, strangely! Of course it's nice to be able to do it on the actual day, but really! If I were the left out friend I'd be pretty upset.

I guess a lot of posters are as childish as OP's friend though.

@llammar It’s her party & she’ll cry if she wants to comes to mind… lol
It wouldn’t be an issue for me but for this person it clearly is.
Maybe they are a creature of habit & for them they have to celebrate their birthday on their birthday.