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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is insanely childish? Anyone else been shocked by an adult’s immaturity?!

232 replies

llammar · 15/06/2023 19:57

In our group of friends one of us can’t make the birthday dinner for someone in the group. They birthday girls has taken huge offence and said the alternative date suggested ‘isn’t her actual birthday so it won’t feel the same.’ Wtf? She’s going to
be 38 not 6? It’s literally moving the day from a Friday (her birthday) to a Saturday. I’ve

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 15/06/2023 21:14

@llammar would the rest of you move your celebration for this friend?

Iloveacurry · 15/06/2023 21:17

Yes the birthday girl is being ridiculous! I go out with my friends for birthdays and it’s never on our actual birthday.

SunSunGoAwayButNotCompletelyPlease · 15/06/2023 21:17

Oh wow op. You and your friends sound really nasty. Why is it such a big deal that that one friend attends? I'm not sure if the birthday girl is upset about not celebrating on her actual birthday or upset because she can clearly see that you are prioritising this other woman. You obviously value her more than the birthday girl. You don't seem to care that this celebration is about the birthday girl so why don't the rest of you meet up on Saturday? Sounds like the birthday girl's reason is just an excuse to meet this other person who everyone likes better.

Colourfingers2 · 15/06/2023 21:19

I can’t believe that there are grown adults still immature enough to celebrate their birthdays to be honest. A birthday might be exciting for a child because they get presents but for an adult it’s just a date in a calendar printed years ago that they just happened to be born on. I was over it at 21 and I still consider it to be pathetic behaviour for an adult 27 years later much like Christmas.

MichelleScarn · 15/06/2023 21:21

Lacucuracha · 15/06/2023 21:12

Why are people assuming the person not attending wants the party moved? All they’ve said is they can’t make the Friday but could make Saturday.

It’s just an option because BG has kicked up a fuss about them not being there, they’re not demanding the party be moved.

There's been nothing to suggest bg is kicking off as away person not there, just she's upset her birthday is being planned around someone else.

Strawberrypicnic · 15/06/2023 21:23

Is she single/does she live alone? If so, then it could be that she is worried about sitting at home alone on her birthday feeling sad, especially as it's a Friday night. If she is normally lovely and reasonable, there might be a bit more to her reaction than meets the eye.

SparklingMarkling · 15/06/2023 21:23

I call them “birthday people”.

Some people are really too concerned about their “special day” even when they’re not 6. I know a few “birthday people”.

Fucking weird.

Whenwillitallmakesense · 15/06/2023 21:27

I'm really happy to be corrected, but has the OP actually stated that birthday girl wants to celebrate on her birthday because she will be alone and lonely on her birthday otherwise or is that just people making assumptions?
Has anyone thought that maybe she wants to stick to the Friday because she had plans on the Saturday with partner or family or whoever?

WaltzingWaters · 15/06/2023 21:32

I really think it depends if she has nobody else to do anything with on the day or not. I’m mid 30’s and wouldn’t say I’m particularly precious about my birthday, but I spent a few completely alone whilst working abroad and it really was quite depressing.
But if she has other family and friends she could see that day and change it it’s different.

Catbumps · 15/06/2023 21:33

Maybe she doesn’t have anyone else to spend her actual day with

Daydreamer123456 · 15/06/2023 21:37

SparklingMarkling · 15/06/2023 21:23

I call them “birthday people”.

Some people are really too concerned about their “special day” even when they’re not 6. I know a few “birthday people”.

Fucking weird.

Ah yes, know a fair few ‘birthday people’
myself.

Genuinely shocked at a lot of the responses on this thread!
Oh course you’re not being unreasonable.

Assuming there’s no genuine reason, for the sake of moving it one day, surely you’d want to all your friends together?

Caramelatt · 15/06/2023 21:45

bibbityboppityboo · 15/06/2023 20:42

Tbh the more you post, the more you're sounding like a terrible friend!! Do you even like this person?!

The majority of comments are saying she's not being unreasonable, sounds like you're having more of an issue over this than anyone else!

Show quote history

I agree with this. Why even bother with her birthday if you don't even like her and think a friend wanting to have a nice evening on her birthday is asking for too much, acting like 6 years old. Whole point of celebrating a friend's birthday is to want them to have a nice day / make them feel a bit special, this get together seems like a favour to birthday girl.

ScientificallyProcessed · 15/06/2023 21:46

llammar · 15/06/2023 20:10

Sorry, to clarify, it’s not being moved! She was just in a huge mood about it and said it was unreasonable to suggest the day went to the Saturday even though everyone else (six in total) were fine with it.

I’m genuinely amazed people think it’s necessary for the day to be the actual birthday. I cannot imagine getting worked up about that.

You sound incredibly worked up about this yourself tbf.

whynotwhatknot · 15/06/2023 21:47

Maybe she would be ding nothing on the actual day so doesnt want to move it

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 15/06/2023 21:48

The birthday girl sounds like a stroppy child. What a shame she hasn't realised what's truly important over the last 2 decades of adulthood.

Feraldogmum · 15/06/2023 21:49

What I think is unreasonable is pretending to be someone’s friend and slagging them off behind their back on mumsnet. I suggest you don’t go to the birthday meal so you can show how equally childish you are ,taking umbrage at your friend for wanting to keep the do on the day chosen, because as you say everyone else is ok about it. Of course it’s about you and everyone else not her ? Alternatively you can actually stop being nasty behind her back and be honest with her. Some friend.

Caramelatt · 15/06/2023 21:52

Redebs · 15/06/2023 20:53

Surely birthday celebrations are for children?

So your kids should stop celebrating once they are adults?

EmeraldFox · 15/06/2023 21:53

llammar · 15/06/2023 20:38

No I’m not getting back late! It’s already being planned months in advance (it’s in august).

It’s not being moved. The person flying back said they could do the Saturday, everyone else was fine with it, birthday girl was not!

I have posted because I was shocked that someone could be so much of a princess about their birthday! She is a lovely person but I honestly cannot believe someone could be this precious.

Unless there's a reason why the woman with the birthday can't do the Saturday then she's pretty much saying one day difference is more important to her than celebrating with her friend who can't make it.

ScientificallyProcessed · 15/06/2023 21:55

Feraldogmum · 15/06/2023 21:49

What I think is unreasonable is pretending to be someone’s friend and slagging them off behind their back on mumsnet. I suggest you don’t go to the birthday meal so you can show how equally childish you are ,taking umbrage at your friend for wanting to keep the do on the day chosen, because as you say everyone else is ok about it. Of course it’s about you and everyone else not her ? Alternatively you can actually stop being nasty behind her back and be honest with her. Some friend.

Hi op’s friend! You are absolutely right.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/06/2023 22:00

I guess it depends what her alternative plans would be. I’m single, live alone, no family nearby. On years where none of my friends have been available on the evening of my birthday I’ve sat at home alone and to be honest it does feel lonely and miserable (to me at least) not marking it in any way on the day. My life is already pretty lonely and miserable but things like birthdays and Christmas etc really amplify that lonely sad feeling when I don’t have anyone to celebrate with on the day, even if I have plans on a different day it is true it’s not really the same. I wouldn’t verbalise that or make a fuss about which day I celebrated because I wouldn’t want anyone else to know how pathetic and lonely I feel, but i don’t think your friend is necessarilly childish if something like that is the case.

Sigmama · 15/06/2023 22:01

Birthdays are important at all ages

Kingdedede · 15/06/2023 22:01

Sigmama · 15/06/2023 22:01

Birthdays are important at all ages

Not in MN land!

tinyshoppingbasket · 15/06/2023 22:03

I think you might be missing the point.

At 38 who can be bothered to celebrate their birthday on any other day but their birthday.

It's not a big enough to deal to start moving the dates around. Just have some dinner with whoever can make it and move on.

She probably just doesn't want to long it out.

WiddlinDiddlin · 15/06/2023 22:05

MichelleScarn · 15/06/2023 21:14

@llammar would the rest of you move your celebration for this friend?

I absolutely have friends I'd shift a celebration for if everyone else was fine with it! (In fact I have some people who are so special to me, that I see so rarely, that I'd move it even if it meant other folks couldn't make it, though I'd make sure they didn't know that or weren't upset by it!)

IsItHalfTermYetHelp · 15/06/2023 22:06

I find it incredibly childish when adults make a drama about any of their birthdays apart from the decade ones and expect everyone to make a huge fuss of them. Get over it. Most of us go to work with cake for our colleagues that we’ve baked ourselves then either a dinner with our partner or takeaway at home. Not five courses at a Michelin starred restaurant with 50 of our closest friends.