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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is insanely childish? Anyone else been shocked by an adult’s immaturity?!

232 replies

llammar · 15/06/2023 19:57

In our group of friends one of us can’t make the birthday dinner for someone in the group. They birthday girls has taken huge offence and said the alternative date suggested ‘isn’t her actual birthday so it won’t feel the same.’ Wtf? She’s going to
be 38 not 6? It’s literally moving the day from a Friday (her birthday) to a Saturday. I’ve

OP posts:

Backstreets · 15/06/2023 20:52

Uh, can't you just celebrate the birthday girl like she wants, then get together all eight of you a week or two later and have a non birthday meal?

What are you, the birthday club?

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 15/06/2023 20:52

You all sound like a group of Year 4 girls to me with this kind of petty drama, so I'd say you were all being pretty childish.

Can none of you do anything without the others having to be there?

Climbles · 15/06/2023 20:52

It’s ridiculous to not change the date. I celebrated a landmark birthday for a friend last week. Her actual birthday was 6 months ago.

Strawberrydelight78 · 15/06/2023 20:53

I would rather have everyone I want there than having it on my actual birthday. But fair enough if she wants to be a spoilt brat about it.

Redebs · 15/06/2023 20:53

Surely birthday celebrations are for children?

NameChangeSorryNotSorry · 15/06/2023 20:56

I agree. Adults who get all fussy and self obsessed about their birthday make me die inside!

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/06/2023 20:56

It’s the birthday girl’s prerogative and if she has to have it on her birthday then the other guest has to suck it up ultimately and miss it.

That said it seems a bit precious for her to get arsy with someone making the suggestion she move it. I don’t see the harm in trying to negotiate it. Don’t ask, don’t get!

ATerrorofLeftovers · 15/06/2023 20:57

llammar · 15/06/2023 20:38

No I’m not getting back late! It’s already being planned months in advance (it’s in august).

It’s not being moved. The person flying back said they could do the Saturday, everyone else was fine with it, birthday girl was not!

I have posted because I was shocked that someone could be so much of a princess about their birthday! She is a lovely person but I honestly cannot believe someone could be this precious.

Woah, you’re ’shocked’ because you perceive her to be a ‘princess’ who is being ‘precious’?!

Are you sure you’re not overreacting?! It all sounds like a bit of a reach to be drawing conclusions like that on the basis of her having the temerity to pick the date that suits her for her own celebration!

Or do you just not like her much? You certainly come across like that. I can’t imagine creating a thread for something so trivial.

Whenwillitallmakesense · 15/06/2023 20:57

Redebs · 15/06/2023 20:53

Surely birthday celebrations are for children?

What? Have you not once celebrated your birthday since you were a child?

ATerrorofLeftovers · 15/06/2023 20:58

Redebs · 15/06/2023 20:53

Surely birthday celebrations are for children?

I was waiting for someone to say something like this! 🤣

Comes across as a bit superior. Not everyone thinks all fun and celebrations have to stop when we reach a sober majority!

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/06/2023 20:58

Redebs · 15/06/2023 20:53

Surely birthday celebrations are for children?

You sound fun.

Apricotflanday · 15/06/2023 20:59

No, it's not childish. Moving the date would mean having a birthday just not doing anything, on the day. It's not the same, unless you organise something else for the actual birthday, which isn't always possible. Of course the meal out would still be a birthday celebration, but for the person whose birthday it is it can mean the day itself is a let down.

dinoice · 15/06/2023 21:01

This really is how the other half live.

Yanbu op.

But does she really have nobody? Do six friends of this age seriously spend their birthday celebrating?

Does nobody have a partner? Or children?

I would actually be saying it's the Saturday, so we can all catch up.

This really is an example of someone's behaviour being so ridiculous they need to have a long hard look at what's happening in the world.

I would be embarrassed to ask friends to spend money celebrating my 40 birthday never mind 38

MichelleScarn · 15/06/2023 21:03

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 15/06/2023 20:52

You all sound like a group of Year 4 girls to me with this kind of petty drama, so I'd say you were all being pretty childish.

Can none of you do anything without the others having to be there?

Was just going to say same, have you been friends since school and some of you haven't moved on from a perceived 'pecking order'?

therescoffeeinthatnebula · 15/06/2023 21:05

If the birthday girl wants to celebrate on her actual birthday, that's her prerogative. It means she has to accept not everyone can make it, and it sounds like she has.

We're basically talking about the preferences of 1) the birthday girl and 2) the girl who can't make it. The birthday girl's wishes should be prioritised. Because it's her birthday.

autieawesome · 15/06/2023 21:08

It's the person who's having the event who chooses the date not the guests.

2lsinllama · 15/06/2023 21:09

I still haven’t got my head round why you all have to go out together? Unless you are Joey, Ross etc etc then isn’t it normal to say ‘I’m having a meal on xx date for my birthday’ and then people say they can/can’t come. Is that not how it works now? I have to say I haven’t had an official birthday do for many years now so might be out of touch.

phoenixrosehere · 15/06/2023 21:09

Ghosttofu99 · 15/06/2023 20:48

Don’t think it has to be a drama but do think it’s weird you are all dictating her birthday plans too her and making a dramatic thread out of it tbf.

Same. It’s their birthday. They should be able to have it on their birthday. Different imo if it was half the group but one person, don’t see the need.

If I was the only one missing someone’s birthday, I wouldn’t want them to move their party to suit me. I would simply schedule a time I could take them out myself instead.

Spirallingdownwards · 15/06/2023 21:09

It is a small group of 6 and easy to arrange for all 6 to attend really close to her birthday. Birthday girl is definitely being a drama queen and if she insists on arranging for her birthday I might consider making sure when it was my birthday to make sure I arranged mine for a day she wasn't free.

WiddlinDiddlin · 15/06/2023 21:10

Do folk have to take everything down such a dramatic route?

Normal situation:

*Someone wants to do something on Friday, with a bunch of people.

All but one of the people can make friday, one person says 'damn, I can't do friday but I could do saturday?'

Everyone else says 'well we could all do saturday, if thats an option?'

The someone whose birthday it is can say 'no I'd rather do friday, sorry' or 'yeah lets do saturday id rather have my birthday bash with everyone and it is only one day'..*

Mumsnet view:

*Someone wants to do something friday, with a bunch of people.

All but one can do Friday, one person says HEY, NO, FUCK YOU I CAN'T, YOU MUST REARRANGE FOR SATURDAY JUST FOR ME.

Everyone else says 'fuck you birthday girl, saturday it is'.

Birthday girl 'i hate you all, my birthday is special and it wont be the same on saturday'..*

Suggesting an alternative date is NOT a demand. It is a suggestion! It is not entitled or rude or whatever, simply a suggestion!

Zanatdy · 15/06/2023 21:10

Personally I’d rather move it and all my friends be there. She’s being childish for sure

WiddlinDiddlin · 15/06/2023 21:12

And FWIW... id rather spend an evening with all my friend group, a day later, than spend it with some of them, on the actual day. Because my friends are more important than what day it is.

Some days are impractical for going out for a meal, I don't think I've celebrated many of my birthdays on the actual day, either as a child or as an adult (obviously ive had pressies from family/those I live with on the day, but not parties/going out for a meal).

JudgeJ · 15/06/2023 21:12

therescoffeeinthatnebula · 15/06/2023 21:05

If the birthday girl wants to celebrate on her actual birthday, that's her prerogative. It means she has to accept not everyone can make it, and it sounds like she has.

We're basically talking about the preferences of 1) the birthday girl and 2) the girl who can't make it. The birthday girl's wishes should be prioritised. Because it's her birthday.

But she can't take offence if someone genuinely can't make the date.

Lacucuracha · 15/06/2023 21:12

Why are people assuming the person not attending wants the party moved? All they’ve said is they can’t make the Friday but could make Saturday.

It’s just an option because BG has kicked up a fuss about them not being there, they’re not demanding the party be moved.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 15/06/2023 21:12

Redebs · 15/06/2023 20:53

Surely birthday celebrations are for children?

Do you not have anyone to celebrate with or something? Birthday celebrations aren't childish.

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