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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the parents of children who are in childcare would like to see them more often?

1008 replies

tori32 · 21/02/2008 21:46

I CM and have several sets of parents who finish work early on many occasions who never collect their child early. I know I am paid and it does not bother me in the slightest to look after them for their agreed hours, I just feel sorry for the child because they are missing out on this extra time with parents who work full time.

I was a working mum for 3 months (as in not CM) but always collected dd early when I finished early because I wanted to spend time with her. AIBU?

OP posts:
2shoes · 21/02/2008 22:29

Anchovy it isn't as the op is not a sahm she works you know
and I am a sahm but think she is wrong.

OrmIrian · 21/02/2008 22:29

OK. If I was still using my CM or the nursery I suspect that I'd use the extra time to go to Sainsbury to pick up some stuff, or even go home and do housework, so that when I did have the DCs with me, I'd be able to focus on them. Because sadly, inspite of repeatedly hearing that irritating poem about 'dust will keep' or whatever is is, a reasonably clean house and a full fridge, makes life a great deal easier when you have children.

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 22:29

My childminder would have thought I was barmy and a bit cruel I should imagine had I taken him away before he'd eaten in order to take him to tescos with me.

llareggub · 21/02/2008 22:30

Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't pick him up early. I don't particularly want to upset his routine as he only goes to the childminders twice a week. He spends the other two days with my parents in law so his week isn't particularly predictable.

If I'm shattered then I might have a sleep. If he has actually slept the night before then I might pick him up. I don't care for what I've paid for or not. However if I suspected that my actions were being judged then I'd be terminating that contract as fast as I could and placing him somewhere else.

Neney1 · 21/02/2008 22:30

Tori, I know where you are coming from. I loathe the fact that my DS will have to go to nursery and will bust my guts to have him to myself at every opportunity... however there are those occasional times when tasks are just so much easier and quicker sans child and better to leave them be when they are happy at CM or nursery, rather than all the toing and froing involved with mind numbing tasks.

I have known of lots of parents who take the piss though, a bloke I knew worked term time only and still had his 3 yr old in nursery 10 hours a day in the holidays to get his money's worth... even when they all went on holiday the poor lad went into full time childcare

WallOfSilence · 21/02/2008 22:30

hercules, apparently the girls in the hairdressers 'spoil him rotten'.

Feck that... when I go to the hairdresser I want pampered...not to look at my son being pampered!!

blueshoes · 21/02/2008 22:30

The ones throwing judgment on this thread have No Idea about the logistics of being a working mother, running a household and keeping everyone on an even keel.

Heartfelt motherhood sentiments don't cut any ice with me. As someone else has said, that's just you.

Original poster
tori32 · 21/02/2008 22:30

So many people have mentioned 'not liking them hanging around/tagging along' when doing routine stuff. Why have children?
I appreciate that people like to work, have good careers and need money to live in many cases, however, as a CM I don't have down time. My first child arrives at 715 and the last leaves at 1715. I still have to do chores, cook meals, etc with all children in tow and shop and still find time to go on MN I must be superwoman.

FWIW it seems that the people complaining about sleepless nights and children who need undivided attention are the people who only ever give their children undivided attention.

It seems that multitasking is a lost art

OP posts:
LadyMuck · 21/02/2008 22:30

Not only are parents very different from one another, but also children are very different. My 5yo loves shopping, my 7yo hates it. He'd far rather stay in the house (with the au pair) than trail round a supermarket. Should I force him round the supermarkeet because I want to spend time with him? Or does the fact that I then play battleships when I come home even things up? And who are you to judge anyway?

soapbox · 21/02/2008 22:30

Anchovy - perhaps the question one should ask is 'why don't parents who childmind want to spend their time looking after their own child, without looking after other people's too'

Which, I should point out to the majority of lovely CMs who post on here is said 'tongue in cheek'

Anchovy · 21/02/2008 22:31

(I know Hercules - its really actually one type of WOHM criticising another type of WOHM - aka, by the way, biting the hand that feeds you - with a few additional random "comments" thrown in. But it will degenerate, mark my words!)

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 22:31

Look back at your post!

I even sent ds to the childminder when I was off work sick. .

andiemustlosehalfastonemore · 21/02/2008 22:31

if I hadn't read some of toris posts before I would think this was trolling but I know it isn't
when I read threads like this I really despair about women and how unsupportive of other women they can be
so what if someone goes home and does their housework/shopping/paints their nails/masturbates before picking their children up at the alloted time maybe doing those things makes them a better parent when they are with their children
I agree with those who say if you were my childminder I would sack you

OrmIrian · 21/02/2008 22:32

Too right about being judged llareggub! My Cm repeatedly told me she thought I was fantastic for doing what I did and would never have judged me (well not to my face). She was a gem

bran · 21/02/2008 22:32

I could never cook properly/happily with my ds around as he hated me turning my back on him. He used to try and get between me and the hob and push me away from it. It almost always used to end up with him rattling the stairgate on the kitchen door trying to get back in and screaming. Not my idea of quality time. He wasn't that keen on supermarkets or shops either.

I work part-time, two full-days and two half-days a week. On my half-days he goes to nursery (school now) for full day and always has done.

YABU and I hope you manage to keep your feelings hidden from your mindees parents. I would be a bit pissed off if someone felt they had the right to judge my lifestyle decisions.

NiceTry · 21/02/2008 22:32

I agree with Flum some people seem to find endless activities that are incompatible with looking after children, of course they can be around when you are decorating can't see why not? How do you think SAHMs manage to shop, cook, clean, have a haircut, decorate etc?

fletchaaarr · 21/02/2008 22:33

So tori - out of interest - when do you do your shopping / banking / filing / relaxing / reading / watching telly / MNing?

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 22:33

tori - that's what I mean about being a martyr. I wouldnt want to spend all day ever day with my kids. I like going to work. So?

soapbox · 21/02/2008 22:33

Perhaps tomorrow whilst I am working, I should ask 'why doesn't that lazy finance director look up the answer to his own flipping problems, rather than go out for a long lunch - I mean it isn't as if I resent doing what I'm paid for, but you know surely he should enjoy working it out for himself rather than me doing it for him'

lennygrrl · 21/02/2008 22:33

Message withdrawn

andiemustlosehalfastonemore · 21/02/2008 22:33

tori so what you are saying is that when you are being paid to look after other peoples children you are actually doing your shopping and housework

Original poster
tori32 · 21/02/2008 22:34

Neney1 I completely agree that occasionally things need to be/ are easier done alone, however, I am talking on a regular 2-3 times per week regular basis where 1 or both parents have finished early, not the occasional time.

OP posts:
Anchovy · 21/02/2008 22:34

See! I told you so! Its degenerating!

Ping - the first "why have children in the first place" has been unleashed.

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 22:34

In fact I had a lovely day with dh the other week when dd was at nursery. We went for a lovely long dog walk together, went to lunch with my mum etc. Dd had a lovely time at nursery too.

soapbox · 21/02/2008 22:35

And what about the complete lazy feckers, who use childcare, when they don't even work themselves - string them up, stone them - their poor children

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