His debt is making me broke

[Lidale]

I feel like I can't complain about this to anyone irl so here I am.

My partner has some serious debt, which he is slowly paying off. It's not as bad as it used to he but I feel like I'm not allowed to show let alone express upset or frustration about his financial situation that is effectively mine as well.

His lack of money has always meant I have none as although I don't lend him any money I always carry more of the load than I should. I'm mentally and financially exhausted. I despair when I think about how much money I could potentionally have now if I was with someone without money baggage. It's been impossible to save any money on my end and I'm finding myself constantly in the minus.

It's important to note we have a child so it's not a case of "oh don't pick up where he leaves off" otherwise our child goes without. It's bad enough that I wear clothes with holes and that don't fit but I refuse to see my child go without.

It's so infuriating and if I was to complain about this to dp he would take it as an attack or offense so I can't. It's even the case of our future, I wonder what lies ahead for us as a family with him. We are still living with parents since we can't afford to get out. I had savings for a depoist that all went down the drain when he/we needed money for this that and the other. When I came into my savings he basically fixated all his money on his debt so I covered everything else and consequently we have none left.

I don't know when we will be able to save up and leave. When we get married we at best will be able to afford a wedding in a garden if I'm lucky. My engagement ring cos a mere 200 pounds, which is fine, had I not had to PAY FOR MY OWN RING because he couldn't afford it. He eventually paid me back in installments, a year later, after a lot of nagging and arguments.

Just feeling really down about my present and future financial aspects. He is now currently "bankrupt" and has no credit score. I'm in the minus again. When will this end.

Just to be clear, you have protected yourself by having no assets, no income and being up to your eyes in debt ? what a fucking genius.

This is what I was tryna say, but you said it wayyyy better @3BSHKATS and to think some men still think we aren't smart enough to live without them!

@Mulhollandmagoo I’ve 20 years to sort that out,
yes there was extreme lengths to go to protect Myself, getting told I would be taken for everything and half future earnings of the business does make someone think long and how how they can protect themselves
@RantyAnty and the alternative is???
I forgot to add the KIDS were always OUR kids while in the relationship but as she said at the start of the divorce (MY kids) will stay with me and cut contact, amazing how quick things change.

Sounds like you didn't read the post before commenting. It's not her ex who's drowning in debt, it's her fiance and he's dragging her down with him.

And well done you for cheating your children out of CM in order to get back at your ex wife, I'm sure they'll be more than happy to take you in when you get old and don't have a pension to live on.

@SpiralHecate you are correct I misread th op post as fiancé Is an ex and he was underhandedly racking joint Debt.

I’ll say it again I have no biological children, I met ex with 3 children and happily lived the life we had, unfortunately when it started to fall apart a lot of things were said that made me question, I never once reneged on paying during the separation, when I mentioned divorce things got nasty and our kids suddenly became (her kids) with me not having any part in their lives ex’s decision, so yea I went through CMS.
You do k ow when you have money or property the government use that to play for your care when older, when you have nothing do you still receive the same care?
YES you do, I would never want to be a burden on any family when I can’t wipe my own arse.

@3BSHKATS yes that’s right because the temporary debt will be cleared in less than 1 year, using what spousal maintenance I would of had to pay, I’m much better off alone

@PurposelyinDebt

just wondering why the hell your paying for kids that arnt yours? I have 3 dc 2 by one exp and 1 by current ex id never expect him to pay child maintaince for the 2 that arnt his even thou he brought them up for 10 years.

@Crazygirlz3 because I was the only father they knew and that was my family, never referred to them as SC and tried to right by them even after separating, I guess the fact none of 3 ex’s were on the scene when I first met her should have raised a red flag 🚩 but the reality was it was easier without anyone else being in their lives

Is he a gambler OP ?

Be careful Op because I know someone who paid for everything while her O/H got rid of his debt only to find she was dumped once his debt was cleared. I've read all your posts and I'm wondering if he has a gambling problem as he doesn't seem to be clearing this debt or have any sort of plan of action .

Don't be a 'rescuer' , I was for a short while in a relationship. Soon realised he was getting more out of the relationship whilst my income dwindled to pay for his nights out. My boundaries were poor and tolerance was high. Not any more.

You'd be better off looking into universal credit etc, single parent low income, you'd get more than he's contributing.

Like most things in life you actually DONT get the same care when older if you are relying on “the Government “ (actually your local Council) to pay.

@PurposelyinDebt if you saw the level of care available to you if you don’t have any money and you’re relying on the government, you would top yourself before It even got to that stage

It also fills you with joy and happiness to read about how if a child isn’t biologically yours, but you are the only parent that they’ve ever known the only support in life that they might potentially gets withdraw at the minute you no longer fucking their mother. What a trooper.