AIBU to think it's rude to not bring a gift or even a card to a wedding?!

[Wildswimming2022]

Got married recently, it was a medium sized wedding with around 100 people. There were a significant number of people who didn't give a gift or even a card. The wedding was generous - canapes, sit down dinner and unlimited drinks provided. Per head cost around £100. Everyone there was a close friend, so I'm really surprised that many of the guests thought it acceptable to give nothing at all as a token of appreciation or to wish us well into our married lives together.

For context, our friends aren't struggling financially. The few who might be slightly, we know who they are, and they all gave something!

Maybe some felt like they travelled to get there, though it was in the city that most of the guests live, so I don't feel like that explains it.

We didn't want to force people to give, and wanted to give people an out if there was a genuine reason they couldn't give something, so had on the invite 'your presence is enough....' but then links to the gift registry and honeymoon fund. When I've seen the same written on others' invites I've always interpreted it as a polite ask, and have given.

Most didn't interpret in this way, and some were incredibly thoughtful and generous. The whole thing seems to have revealed a lot about these people we call close-friends.

I don't want to seem materialistic, I'm certainly not after lavish gifts, this post is more about the gesture and I'd thought it was very basic etiquette to give a gift at a wedding. I always have done and wouldn't dream of doing otherwise!

Do others think this is normal or acceptable?

You basically said no gifts so I don’t see why you are moaning

I probably wouldn't take gift and card to the actual wedding but would have delivered to the home address.

I find it interesting when people say that it's the 'done thing' etc. I have been to a handful of weddings in my life and most of them as a child so I wouldn't have a clue what was the 'done thing' and I find it very rude when people assume 'everyone knows that' about anything- everyone's experiences/culture/background are completely different.
If someone put presence enough in an invite I would definitely assume they didn't want gifts. Without that written in I would get a gift but would struggle to know what to get. So I would appreciate someone including links to gift registry etc and would get something off that or give some money. So your invite would completely confuse me! I probably wouldn't give anything and would be very surprised to hear this bothered you given you had said it was fine.
As for cards- I don't give cards for anything, haven't done for years. So it wouldn't even occur to me to get one to be honest.

Weddings I've been to always have a table to leave cards and gifts. I haven't been to one in a place so dodgy they migh have been stolen

I'm not keen on getting loads of stuff and might have misinterpreted that too. A card and voucher would be normal in that case though. Bit bizarre really.

A card costs less than £1
To not bring a card IS rude. Its not like your going to throw the cards away. On that yanbu
A gift I think yabu noone is entitled to buy anyone a gift

I would have stuck some money in the card and taken it to the wedding, but I don't think you ought to be too upset that people have taken you literally at "no gifts".

My dad was invited to my wedding.
He chose not to attend and also chose not to attend or even phone on the day.
There was no card or present.
On the flip side we received gifts and money from people who weren't even invited to the wedding.
It has made me realise that people have different ideas of what's appropriate and although at first it made me sad, I get it.

Very rude.

Ha ha! I'm sure there's a spreadsheet somewhere keeping a tally

so had on the invite 'your presence is enough....'

What are you moaning about then?

It's okay for a presence to not be enough, but you shouldn't have stated it would then. I personally think a gift or at least a card/smartshow 3d video card are polite things to do, but surely some would take you at your word, so YABU, since you brought this upon yourself.

It's rude. It doesn't matter if it says your presence is enough. I don't know of any culture that wouldn't give gifts or money at a wedding.
It's like when you are invited to dinner and ask if the host would like you to bring something and they say 'no thank you, everything is sorted', you'd still take something.

so had on the invite 'your presence is enough....'

Well that’s your own fault isn’t it. Ofc some people will take you for your word and not get you anything at all. I’m not exactly surprised. YABU

Hang on, you wrote "your presence is enough " on the invite but actually you wanted a real
Present

Why write your presence is enough though?

Just the gift list or go fund me link would have given people the message

It costs a lot to attend someone's wedding, we were just so grateful people could make it!
I'm going alone to a friend's wedding this summer it's costing £300 for accommodation for two nights (Airbnb shared with others) £145 train ticket, a day off work. Plus eating the night before and morning after (10am service so no way I can travel on the day), drinks throughout the day and night at a very nice venue so not cheap. It'll cost me in excess of £600. Just for me, without considering if I'll buy something new to wear. I will get a card and a small gift, but I'm already spending a lot of money just to be there.

I hate when people put “your presence is enough” and then come on MN and slag people off for in fact just being present. If you are going to judge people for not bringing a gift don’t write that it’s tacky.

I wore the same outfit to two weddings last year, even though some of the guests were at both, I just added a hat at one of them 😀

You said not to give presents, but you're upset people didn't give presents...

No, this is bonkers.

There are some of us who actually mean what we say. I say don't bring anything (weddings/dinners/whatever)

If people bring me gifts they go straight to the charity shop. If people bring me cards, they go straight in the recycling bin. I do not want your stupid crap cluttering up my house. I say to people 'please don't bring anything' because I do not want you to waste money and I do not want the burden of responsibility of having to go to a charity shop or try and sell it online.

People who ignore this, override my wishes and then leave me with things I don't want are incredibly rude. It is selfish in my opinion to force your stupid crap on others to make you feel good about yourself

A gift no but a card yes..the only time I bought neither was when I found out we were a last minute invite to make up numbers as another couple cancelled last minute so I thought I’d just go to take advantage of free food & drink & catch up with some family we hadn’t seen in a while.

I have 2 brothers. Both brought their families (2 of their girls were bridesmaids) but no card or gift

They all fucked off after the meal. I've barely spoken to either since as I was so hurt.

Don't put your presence is enough if it's a lie!