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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby name entitlement

160 replies

Pregnantforwaytoolong · 15/06/2023 07:56

My sister and I are both pregnant. I’m due about a month before she is, she’s having a boy, we’re waiting til birth to find out.

Initially she told me a boys names she’d like to use so obviously I took that off my list. However she now keeps adding to her list and we’re up to about 6 or 7 boys names that’s she considering and I’m guessing doesn’t want me to use. She hasn’t directly said it’s heavily implied. Such as randomly testing ‘oh btw we also like Jack’ for example, I’ll say ‘oh yea we also like that one’ and she’ll reply ‘well we’re not sure if we’re going to use it yet’ 👀.

As we’re not sure what we’re having, we’re thinking about naming baby after my mum if we have a girl. Sister also isn’t keen as ‘is that fair, then yours will be the favourite’.

I feel this is getting a bit silly, one name of she’s really likes it and doesn’t want us to use , fair enough, but after that she just needs to accept what we call our baby even if it’s on her ‘possibles’ list. There are a couple I really like and liked before she ‘claimed’ them.

on the other hand they’re are still
plenty of other names??

AIBU?

Also is it worth discussing or just dealing with any fallout if/when baby arrives?

OP posts:
EVHead · 15/06/2023 08:06

Name your baby what you want. Your sister sounds about 12 years old.

Whoever has their baby second will just need to decide whether to name them the same thing as their cousin, or something different.

mondaytosunday · 15/06/2023 08:08

Do you have a list too?
I'd get a sort list of two or three names and meet up with her and tell her. She can't 'keep' every name on the off chance she'll use it. And if one name on your list is your mums name that's your choice! You at least have the advantage of having your baby first.
She sounds like she continuing any sibling rivalry.

yellowsmileyface · 15/06/2023 08:08

Your sister is being ridiculous. Of course she can't claim all the names on her list. I don't know much good would come from discussing it though. Just name your baby what you want and let her be stroppy if she wants.

I'll keep an eye out for the "niece named after mum aibu?" thread in months to come!

phoenixrosehere · 15/06/2023 08:10

I find such things ridiculous especially when it’s a common/popular name.

When we went through choosing boy names it was so hard because there were not many we could agree on. I didn’t want a popular name and the choices I chose were too posh to my DH, something I didn’t realise was a thing until I moved here. Then it had to be easy to pronounce for a few on his side which I pointed out they could learn to say it and we don’t even see them on a weekly or even monthly basis for it to bother me if they do mispronounced, and there were always the options of nicknames.

I would simply ignore her or tell her you will name your child what you like and that’s it.

Everywherenowhere · 15/06/2023 08:12

Myself and DSIS also pregnant did a week apart. When she told us I just said to DH we will have to have backup names as we are quite similar and may choose same. We never discussed names with DSIS. As it turns out we both had picked the same boys name but both had girls. I would tell your DSIs you have picked your names now and will be keeping them a surprise for when baby is born. Tell her you have a backup name in case she uses the same one but that you don’t want to talk about names any further @Pregnantforwaytoolong

Everywherenowhere · 15/06/2023 08:12

I just saw you’re due before her. In which case I’d say names have been picked and a surprise at birth and as she has so many names on her list you are sure she will find one she loves if you end up using her first choice.

snitzelvoncrumb · 15/06/2023 08:13

I would tell her she gets one name she can ask you not to use and that’s it.

Deathbyfluffy · 15/06/2023 08:14

Tell her to pick a name or F off - she sounds like a nightmare.

ThatFraggle · 15/06/2023 08:15

mondaytosunday · 15/06/2023 08:08

Do you have a list too?
I'd get a sort list of two or three names and meet up with her and tell her. She can't 'keep' every name on the off chance she'll use it. And if one name on your list is your mums name that's your choice! You at least have the advantage of having your baby first.
She sounds like she continuing any sibling rivalry.

Don't give sister the real list. Those names will OBVIOUSLY be put on the banned list, then not used, tinkly laugh.

Get a baby name book. Highlight about 20 girls names you don't like, and 20 boys names you don't like. Not obviously hideous ones like Englebert and Euphemia. Just ones you don't fancy, e.g. Aaron, Callum. Give it to her.

She can then stop laying claim to 50 names.

Twinpeaches · 15/06/2023 08:17

Just name your baby what you like, and she can do the same. If there’s only a month between due dates there’s a decent chance she may end up having hers first anyway so keeping options open may be a good thing!

IglesiasPiggl · 15/06/2023 08:23

She's using this as a tool for control. Fine if there's one particular name she really loves, but she can't "reserve" a whole list. In a way, it would be better if hers was born first, because then she can't accuse you of having "stolen" her name.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/06/2023 08:25

Cant you just say 'sis, were both getting close to the births now and we want to decide on names for the baby. Please can you let me know your final top two choices so you can avoid them? You've mentioned quite a few over the last few months but we can't rule out all of them so let us know your final choices as I'd hate to pick your current favourite by mistake'

Carrusa · 15/06/2023 08:26

While you're likely to have your baby first, it's not a guarantee.

It's getting ridiculous. Maybe say to her look, you've given me something like 20 names. I can't possibly keep track of them all and you're going to get very hurt if I forget one. Can we just give each other 5 names and the rest is fair game?

If you like you could let her change her top 5 but for every one she adds, one has to come off. Because her baby definitely won't need more than 5 names.

Also try and get her to agree to exclude middle names from the embargo. No one uses them day to day and it really won't matter in the least if one has the same middle name as their cousin's first or second name.

EggInANest · 15/06/2023 08:28

This is why discussing names in advance is bad news. Next you get all the grandparents chipping in not liking your names.

Tell your sister that along with not finding out and sharing the sex in advance you aren’t discussing names. Say you are likely to have similar tastes but if there is one definite name that they want for a special reason, let you know.

She can’t ‘bags’ a long list of names!

Ignore the whole thing around your Mum’s name. She can use a boy family name or give a subsequent Dd the same middle name, even as a first name if her competitive anxiety really gets the better of her.

Drop the rope, don’t engage.

ThatFraggle · 15/06/2023 08:29

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/06/2023 08:25

Cant you just say 'sis, were both getting close to the births now and we want to decide on names for the baby. Please can you let me know your final top two choices so you can avoid them? You've mentioned quite a few over the last few months but we can't rule out all of them so let us know your final choices as I'd hate to pick your current favourite by mistake'

This is perfect.

justanothermummma · 15/06/2023 08:29

Call your baby what you want!

We liked a name but my list was just between me and my DH. My cousin who I'm really close to, had a girl and called her the top name on our list.

So we called our DD something else (which I actually think she suits better and I love it more now!)

My cousin doesn't have to know, we're all happy..

If she names her baby the same, well it's odd but it's not like there is only one 'Jack' in the world is there?

Leave her to it!

SkyandSurf · 15/06/2023 08:31

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/06/2023 08:25

Cant you just say 'sis, were both getting close to the births now and we want to decide on names for the baby. Please can you let me know your final top two choices so you can avoid them? You've mentioned quite a few over the last few months but we can't rule out all of them so let us know your final choices as I'd hate to pick your current favourite by mistake'

This is perfect.

Call an end to this nonsense.

Respecting one chosen name is a courtesy, but a growing list of 'maybes' is just ridiculous.

Tell her to chose one or two that are 'hers' and then stop discussing baby names with you. You'll name your baby what you like, she doesn't get a vote.

She sounds childish beyond belief.

MrsLiam · 15/06/2023 08:32

I think it's fair for her to pick one boys name which you agree not to use if you have a boy before her. But she can't have monopoly on a long list of boys names as she won't use them all - and she certainly has no right at all over girls names, if your baby is a girl.

Justalittlebitduckling · 15/06/2023 08:32

Tell her she’s allowed to reserve two possible boy names as her very favourites but you won’t make allowances beyond that. She’s jealous you’re going to have a baby first.

RattyHealy · 15/06/2023 08:33

I would explain if she's fixed on a name then you're happy to take that off your list but she can't reserve a long list of names.

Emmamoo89 · 15/06/2023 08:33

Your sister is ridiculous

Justalittlebitduckling · 15/06/2023 08:34

I’ve never seen a post where all the replies are quite so similar before!

WandaWonder · 15/06/2023 08:37

I would give her my name list

Norman Bates
Oh for a boy we were thinking Rosemary after Rosemary's Baby
Can we have Geraldine Grainger for a girl or is that one taken

Etc. Etc.

honeylulu · 15/06/2023 08:39

The two names suggestion is a good one. Tell her she can't embargo any more as you're having your baby first and don't want to be banned from other names you like just because she might want to use them! She's being silly and greedy.

Fancylike · 15/06/2023 08:44

I suspect whatever name you use, when your baby is born first there will be a big song and dance about how your stole “her name”. You can’t win by playing into these kinds of games. Just tell her you’ve chosen your names and that’s that.

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