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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby name entitlement

160 replies

Pregnantforwaytoolong · 15/06/2023 07:56

My sister and I are both pregnant. I’m due about a month before she is, she’s having a boy, we’re waiting til birth to find out.

Initially she told me a boys names she’d like to use so obviously I took that off my list. However she now keeps adding to her list and we’re up to about 6 or 7 boys names that’s she considering and I’m guessing doesn’t want me to use. She hasn’t directly said it’s heavily implied. Such as randomly testing ‘oh btw we also like Jack’ for example, I’ll say ‘oh yea we also like that one’ and she’ll reply ‘well we’re not sure if we’re going to use it yet’ 👀.

As we’re not sure what we’re having, we’re thinking about naming baby after my mum if we have a girl. Sister also isn’t keen as ‘is that fair, then yours will be the favourite’.

I feel this is getting a bit silly, one name of she’s really likes it and doesn’t want us to use , fair enough, but after that she just needs to accept what we call our baby even if it’s on her ‘possibles’ list. There are a couple I really like and liked before she ‘claimed’ them.

on the other hand they’re are still
plenty of other names??

AIBU?

Also is it worth discussing or just dealing with any fallout if/when baby arrives?

OP posts:
Kedece2410 · 15/06/2023 13:18

I'd ignore her. Pick your name and don't tell her. It would be different if there was one name that she & her partner had their heart set on but she can't 'reserve' them all. Next time she mentions it just say you've picked names and leave it at that

Don't be put off calling a girl after your mum either because you can bet your life if you don't she'll have it as top of the list for future pregnancies

Pick what ever name you want. By the sounds of it if you do pick one she likes she's got plenty left on her list to choose from

KR2023 · 15/06/2023 13:24

I would have to keep saying in front of her a different name, just to wind her up.

"Here's little Jack, Aunty Trouble"
"You are calling him Jack? I WANTED THAT NAME"

"Do you want to hold your new nephew Oliver, Aunty Trouble?"
"Oh, is it Oliver? I WANTED THAT NAME"

"Doesn't little John look like Great Uncle Robert? Thinking of calling him that." "Now he will be the most popular baby - I WANTED THAT NAME"

And ad nauseum ( in front of others) till it becomes a joke

2bazookas · 15/06/2023 13:26

She's being very silly and insensitive. Nobody can "book" babynames in advance. You are just as excited about your baby as she is.

Have your baby, call it what you want, and if she objects you say " Well, you had so many favourite names lined up I knew you'd be happy with any of them".

Sartre · 15/06/2023 13:28

Wow, is she mature enough to be having a child? Demanding you don’t name your baby any of the 25 names on her list is crazy. If she chose one name then that would be far more understandable. Just call your baby whatever you want and ignore her.

Nothingisblackandwhite · 15/06/2023 13:30

Tell your sister you will name your baby whatever you like and she should do the same !
my sister got really s*y with em when I used my mums name as a second name and my cousins the same when I used my nana name as my oldest daughter , despite them having kids and choosing nit to use it before 🤷🏻‍♀️. People are weird .

dottiedodah · 15/06/2023 13:36

I would just say something like "Hey Sal ,this is all getting a bit silly now,isnt it?" Just agree Jack, or the girls favourite for her.After just say "You have a number to choose from as well and will choose your fave " As far as Mums name is concerned maybe use that for a middle name .It may cause a fuss and also confusing with Big Mary little Mary sort of thing

Splishsploshsplash · 15/06/2023 13:43

Just say, I’m not ruling out ten plus names because you like them. We’ll choose a name we like and if the cousins are the same that’s fine. I’m not talking about it anymore with you.

Sugargliderwombat · 15/06/2023 13:46

Tell her if she decides on a name then she can have it. But can't reserve any others, she probably just has a horrible irrational fear that you'll use a name she wants. But of course she is being unreasonable.

greyhairnomore · 15/06/2023 13:52

Call your baby what you like. Your sister is ridiculous saying yours will be favourite if it's named after your mother.

twoshedsjackson · 15/06/2023 14:06

Well it's entirely up to her, but I grew up with two cousins bearing the same first name, one on each side of the family, and it never caused any confusion which I remember, if that's any consolation.
It might be different if she had expressed a preference for one or two names, but she is being unrealistic about "bagging" so many, and I think you're right in guessing that she feels you have "beaten her to it". especially with her comment about a possible niece being called after your mother - "Not Fair" has the ring of a tantrum about it!

Original poster
Pregnantforwaytoolong · 15/06/2023 14:45

@MooMooSharoo you are unfortunately not wrong. I know if I say ‘I’m not discussing it further’ like many have suggested, I will be made to feel like I’m being cold hearted and unnecessarily stern. This is whenever I try to put any sort of boundary in. It’s great to get all this clarity 😊

OP posts:
averythinline · 15/06/2023 16:01

Sounds like she's going to be an arse no matter what . ..
so choose a name you and dh want....
if shes like this now it's likely to continue after as well so you will need to hold your boundaries clear...

Firstgrandbabyissues · 15/06/2023 19:13

I had the same issue. My sister is 3 months behind me in her pregnancy. I am due in August, she in November.

I found out I was having a boy but didn't have any ideas or lists of baby names. My sister has a list of 15 boy names she likes.

I did ask for her list to make sure we didn't pick one of hers, but unlike yours, mine never sent it. So my husband and I decided on a name we both liked. When we told her, she got annoyed and said it was on her list.
She can't reserve names and expect them to be off-limits. She has another 14 names to choose from.
Luckily, both my parents had my back in this (mum usually supports my sister no matter what) and said she can pick another name as we are due first and she will have to accept our decision.
She seems to be alright with it now, and if she's not well, that's her issue. I shouldn't have to bend over for her due to her long list of names.

You choose a name and your sister will just have to accept it. Lucky she will have plenty of other names to chose from by the sounds of it. Don't let her bully you

tuvamoodyson · 15/06/2023 19:15

‘We’re not sure if we’re going to use it yet’

’neither are we…’

CheshireCat1 · 15/06/2023 19:21

I have cousins with the same name, there’s never been an issue about it. Myself and my sisters all have the same second name.

Confusion101 · 15/06/2023 20:12

I was due very close to my SIL. We did not speak about names..... ever! The most we said was "got 3 girls names picked". After that it was up to whoever gave birth first! I'd stop discussing it with her altogether and next time she brings up a name she likes just say something like "oh that's on our list too. Guess it's up to whoever gives birth first!" laugh it off and change the topic.

I have lots of cousins with the same name but not with a few weeks age gap!

Blondeerror · 15/06/2023 20:12

Your baby is due first so she is trying to control the situation by telling you names they might want to use. She knows that ultimately you are in control as you’re baby will be born first, so you can make first choice.
I would tell her to stop telling you and sending you lists of names she is reserving, so then you can be left In Peace to choose your babies name as you see fit.

I would have lost it with her by now in your shoes, so well done for your patience, I cannot bear such controlling behaviour!

GG1986 · 15/06/2023 20:41

I would stop discussing it with her to be honest, then she can't claim a name! Name your child what you want to name it, If you want to call a girl after your mum then that is your choice. If she wants to get in a huff about the name you eventually use then let her.

Dogslife25 · 15/06/2023 20:44

My sister and I had girls a day apart, luckily we didn't have this issue as we have totally different taste in names, nothing wrong with a bit of sibling rivalry, if she was dead set on a particular name I'd maybe think of something else but she can't have a long list of names that are off limits, plus you have the upper hand being due first, although I was due nearly a month before my sister and turns out my neice is the eldest lol

Sunshine275 · 15/06/2023 20:53

If she had one name she had her heart set of it would be different but considering she doesn’t know herself, sod it!

Ndhdiwntbsivnwg · 15/06/2023 21:10

Also cousins can have the same first name. It’s not unheard of and it’s not like you can play dibs anyways

Confusion101 · 15/06/2023 21:16

I would find cousins this close in age having the same name very strange.

ALJT · 16/06/2023 12:29

I guarantee if she has a girl in the future she will call her after your mum if you don’t. Call the baby whatever you wish.

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 16/06/2023 18:27

YANBU I have two cousins with the same name (and surnames until was married) and it’s literally no problem. Call your child what you like, no one else’s business.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 16/06/2023 19:05

Tell her to name hers after dad/uncle whatever. I would say that she’s putting too many names on her reserved list. If she’s set on one name that she really wants then you won’t use it but she can’t reserve a whole bunch of decent names.