Baby name entitlement

[Pregnantforwaytoolong]

My sister and I are both pregnant. I’m due about a month before she is, she’s having a boy, we’re waiting til birth to find out.

Initially she told me a boys names she’d like to use so obviously I took that off my list. However she now keeps adding to her list and we’re up to about 6 or 7 boys names that’s she considering and I’m guessing doesn’t want me to use. She hasn’t directly said it’s heavily implied. Such as randomly testing ‘oh btw we also like Jack’ for example, I’ll say ‘oh yea we also like that one’ and she’ll reply ‘well we’re not sure if we’re going to use it yet’ 👀.

As we’re not sure what we’re having, we’re thinking about naming baby after my mum if we have a girl. Sister also isn’t keen as ‘is that fair, then yours will be the favourite’.

I feel this is getting a bit silly, one name of she’s really likes it and doesn’t want us to use , fair enough, but after that she just needs to accept what we call our baby even if it’s on her ‘possibles’ list. There are a couple I really like and liked before she ‘claimed’ them.

on the other hand they’re are still
plenty of other names??

AIBU?

Also is it worth discussing or just dealing with any fallout if/when baby arrives?

I agree with offering to not choose your sister's favourite name. She can only veto one.
Stop discussing all your names with her.

I think it’s very weird to discuss baby names with anyone apart from the baby’s parents. Let alone chose one before baby is here safe and well. I’d just stop talking about it, it’s causing unnecessary angst

But OP is having her baby first! And she’s set a precedent by taking off the list the names her sister has mentioned. So OP could easily say “it’s great you’ve given me the names you want. Makes life so much easier. This is my list”. Then she can’t be blamed for using one of the names on her own list, that her sister was aware of.

Because it’s bonkers and causes confusion for ever. Everyone is confused saying big Jane and little Jane, old Jane and young Jane, Jane junior, Jane senior etc etc. When there are thousands of names to choose from, why give a child a name that a close family member already has?

And actually, if OP isn’t bothered about her baby sharing her mum’s name, why worry about her baby sharing the name with her sister’s baby? Why not just all use the same names?!

Yep! I'd do this too

Your first so get to have anything you want. Unlucky for her. She can't make you feel like your not allowed to use certain names. It's weird as fuck. Fair enough if she had 1 definite and it was decided but she doesn't so she's clearly unsure herself.

I would not be allowing my sister to be so heavily involved in my own family planning. Certainly not conferring over lists. I would be naming my child what I want, and let her do the same. Those are decisions for me and my husband alone.

Because it’s bonkers and causes confusion for ever. Everyone is confused saying big Jane and little Jane, old Jane and young Jane, Jane junior, Jane senior etc etc.

It is not that confusing and often families give nicknames if there is some.

Your sister sounds like a toddler with the attitude of ''what's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine''.

I wouldn't even continue the discussion about this. Just name your baby what you want, and if your sister also chooses to use that name, then oh well, there'll be two ''Jack's'' in the family.

I feel this is getting a bit silly, one name of she’s really likes it and doesn’t want us to use , fair enough, but after that she just needs to accept what we call our baby even if it’s on her ‘possibles’ list. There are a couple I really like and liked before she ‘claimed’ them.

I think you have it here. Tell her if she settles on a name you won't use that one but you can't discount a whole list of names when you like several of them too.

Stop discussing names with her.
You have the advantage of probably being first and she obviously is nervous about you picking something she wants so she's trying to make you feel she has ownership of many names. It's one thing if it's the name she's had earmarked for a long time but to veto several names is ridic
Congrats to you both. But esp to you!

I too am waiting for the coming up thread. 'Heartbroken, my sister stole my baby name.' I call dibs on that title and nobody else is allowed to use it, ever!

Guaranteed, whatever name you choose will cause her to pout and huff. Get her to pick a first and middle name you can't use.

It’s not something I have personally done but I see it all the time. Never had it cause even a tiny bit of confusion. Granny Jane and Jane when talking about the whole family or where context is clear. Or Jane and Janey because loads of people use nicknames (Jane not being the most obvious for a nickname and funnily enough not one I’ve seen replicated).

An odd thing to be so worried about others doing…

This. If you still want to be nice. It sounds to me like she's a bit gutted you're going to have a grandchild first and is trying to control the situation.

Why don't you both do a shortlist of your top 3? Have them written down and exchange at the same time rather then discussing it. That way you can see if there are any crosses. She can't claim every name on the list that's ridiculous and if you have a girl and name it after your mum then that's entirely your choice she can't veto it!

Hope your sister is responsible enough to be a mother. Her attitude is extremely childish, dictatorial and proprietorial.

If she'd had one name she'd always loved, and would have been devastated if you'd used it, that's one thing. Given there's a list of numerous possibilities, and it keeps growing, I'd say that takes care of that particular issue.

Just tell her that when the babies are born you'll both have to take pot luck, and refuse to discuss it further.

Your sister's right to name her baby as she chooses does not trump yours. Choose the name that you like best for your baby and try not to be beholden to her ever-increasing "list". What she's doing is not fair to you.

It was kind of you to be understanding and accommodating with the first couple of names preferred but your sister seems to be playing games with you (and possibly also wants to be the actual one who decides what your baby is called instead of you).

Any post-birth conversations can be shut down straight away with a touch of the old grey rock method (a polite refusal to engage in any nonsense). If she starts or tries to continue any arguments, all you need to say is "This/these is/are the name/s we have chosen and we are very happy with them." Nothing further, that's the end of the discussion and you won't be debating it any more. Repeat this one phrase and no more any time it's brought up, as often as you need to. Her fire can't burn if you don't put any fuel on it.

Best of luck with the birth and with your new little one. x

Good luck with her.

She's obviously insecure and jealous that you will have the first born. Brace yourself, it will be a constant competition between the 2 babies. You must learn to ignore from now, and focus on the support of having 2 babies, and cousins being so close in age.

Don't ask her, pick your own name and that's that.

You’re due first so the absolute worst case is you’ll use one of her boys names and she’ll have to cross it off her list. At least she has a list, I had one option. You may have a girl so it’s a mute point. Forget the issue with your Mum’s name. If she’s that bothered, she can call her boy your Dad’s name and then he’ll be the favourite - if that’s her logic.

Also is it worth discussing or just dealing with any fallout if/when baby arrives?

It doesn't sound like your sister is the "discussing" sort.

Start from the standpoint that anything you do will be wrong, and you can't then lose.

No way would I be letting her know the names we like. Often you change your mind when you see the baby anyway, we did with one of ours.

you REALLY cannot think why the name of a person you love would be your preference over the name picked from a baby book? Really? 😂

A grand-daughter having her grand-mothers' name. In the real world, there's 0 confusion possible. Close family member will call one "mum, or nan" anyway

You’re due first. She’s clearly got a lot of names and hasn’t decided so you get first pick. We are having a boy this month, SIL is expecting a boy in August. We’ve not even discussed names, no one owns a name.

Just stop discussing names completely. We didn’t find out the gender of our baby, absolutely nobody knew our name choices. It’s no one’s business what we chose to call our child and if we chose a name that someone ‘may’ want to use, then tough 🙄

Just stop discussing baby names with your sister and pick whatever name you want when your baby is born.

Just stop discussing baby names with her! Joke and say - well, if they end up with the SME name it’s not the end of the world, is it? And then shut it down.