Baby name entitlement

[Pregnantforwaytoolong]

My sister and I are both pregnant. I’m due about a month before she is, she’s having a boy, we’re waiting til birth to find out.

Initially she told me a boys names she’d like to use so obviously I took that off my list. However she now keeps adding to her list and we’re up to about 6 or 7 boys names that’s she considering and I’m guessing doesn’t want me to use. She hasn’t directly said it’s heavily implied. Such as randomly testing ‘oh btw we also like Jack’ for example, I’ll say ‘oh yea we also like that one’ and she’ll reply ‘well we’re not sure if we’re going to use it yet’ 👀.

As we’re not sure what we’re having, we’re thinking about naming baby after my mum if we have a girl. Sister also isn’t keen as ‘is that fair, then yours will be the favourite’.

I feel this is getting a bit silly, one name of she’s really likes it and doesn’t want us to use , fair enough, but after that she just needs to accept what we call our baby even if it’s on her ‘possibles’ list. There are a couple I really like and liked before she ‘claimed’ them.

on the other hand they’re are still
plenty of other names??

AIBU?

Also is it worth discussing or just dealing with any fallout if/when baby arrives?

My mum and 2 of her sisters all called their sons Jack because they all liked it 😂 Literally never been an issue apart from being a funny story

Also, you do only get one first baby. Don't let this cast a shadow over it, choose the name you like and deal with your sister if and when it comes to it.

Maybe you both need to settle on top three (don't tell each other) then compare the list. In an ideal scenario you will pick different names. I think the mums name is too bad as she's having a boy anyway (then so might you). I'd try deal with it fairly and amicably as I feel there's no point having a fall out over a name. She can't "bags" all the names. Top three seems fair.

Ha ha, or this 🤣

Your sister is bu. She doesn't get to dictate what name you call your child. There's 6 kids between me and my siblings (and more to come) and not once have any of us had a conversation about what names others can't use... She needs to grow up.

Just point blank tell her that you won't be avoiding a big list of maybes.

If she'd already picked a name or has a couple of partucular favourites of course I'd avoid but I wouldn't be restricting my choice over an ever expanding list of possible names.

She can’t ask you not to use 7 names knowing that she won’t use 6 of them herself (maybe 5 if you generously allow for a middle name)!! The cheek!

I’d tell her that if she wants to share her first choice boy’s name with you then you won’t use it but that’s it and she definitely doesn’t get to give you an ever growing list of names that you can’t use. Also since she isn’t having a girl then she gets zero influence there except maybe that you wouldn’t call yours for example Louise if she tells you that her boy’s name is Louis and that includes anything to do with your mum’s name.

Don't even discuss any names. Just say you haven't decided yet. When your baby comes just announce the name you have chosen and to hell with anyone else's demands.

I think you need to have your boys names sorted, no matter what she has said; your baby is born first and you get the choice.

Make it plain to her that she can not take ownership over multiple names. If she settles on one name that is one thing but to monopolise several is unfair.

Always the same when siblings have babies around the same time, she is jealous you’re stealing her thunder by having baby first and is trying to regain control by name domination. Got that vibe when she was upset about you using your Mum’s name for daughter.

Complete agree with this. My brother and sister both liked the name Benjamin for a boy. My sister "reserved" it for if she had a boy, so my brother couldn't name his son (who was born first) Benjamin. Then when my sister had her baby boy she didn't even call him Benjamin!!

So I'd stop discussing names and call your child whatever you like

I would ignore....smile and wave! . Don't talk to your sister about names. Be really non-committal even if you have absolutely settled on a name. I wouldn't even entertain a negotiation about 2 names. I can understand that she may feel anxious but anxiety doesn't mean you can exert control.

I’m one of the rare people on MN who thinks it’s ok to call dibs on a name as long as it’s one name. Both my siblings mentioned (in casual conversation) one name they’d like to use so I avoided those. Now, avoid a whole list “just in case” is beyond ridiculous. Unless she’s planning on birthing her own football team.

Make sure the agreement goes both ways as she may end up having hers first.

Ignore, stop talking to her about this. Say you have chosen your names and will reveal at birth, and that you will discuss names no further. I´m called like one of my first cousins and we are fine. No drama.

You shouldn’t be discussing it at all. Just pick the name you like and call your baby it.

Yanbu

You need to text/say to your sis "if you want to nominate one single name for us to not use if we have a boy then I don't mind avoiding that one but I am not going to avoid a whole list of possibilities that you might use so if you don't want to settle on a single choice we will just be choosing a name when the time comes without worrying whether its on your list and if the two cousins end up with the same name that's ok"

She cannot veto you using your mums name if you have a girl and of course doing so would not make that baby a "favourite" because your mum is presumably a woman of integrity and sense.

Just name your baby exactly what you want, you’re likely going first.

and you are only having one of the names off the list so if she’s reserving TONS she will have loads of alternatives to pick from
for her baby

I came on to say this.

There is no point in falling out over baby names, but she is being ridiculous to think that you can keep all her possible choices off your list.

I had a favourite boys name and it also had connections to dh's family. I would have been sad if my sibling used it as it had no connections for them, just a nice name.

So I think it is nice to your sister to say give me your top 2.
I would do the same with girls names, but she doesn't get to stop you using your mum's name. More like if there is a name which is key to her dh (his mum's name or Gran's name) then it would be nice to let them use that one.

No-one has the right to a name, but give and take goes a long way in families!

Tell her you are not bothered what she calls her baby, and what is more you are not sharing your baby name lists with anyone, but that if you do coincidentally decide on the same name it will be a sweet link between the cousins.

I'd ask her to pick one (two if you're feeling generous) name for you to avoid, but not five or six!

I’m confused - why are you standing by while she gives you boys names that are banned? Why not just get in there first and say “these are the boys names we’ve chosen”. Then she can take them off her list.

And if it’s a girl - surely you’re not planning to give your daughter your mother’s name as her first name, because that would be ridiculous and confusing? I assume you mean as a middle name, in which case you can both use it if you both end up having girls at some point.

Do you honestly think entitled sister will 'take them off her list?'

Why wouldn’t she use her mother’s name as a girl’s name? I know lots of family names where this is the case.

This. Unfortunately for your sister, as your baby is arriving first you get first dibs. That's just life.

I wouldn't even discuss names with her, just inform everyone what your baby is called when they arrive.

Ignore her.

Call your baby what you like.