Baby name entitlement

[Pregnantforwaytoolong]

My sister and I are both pregnant. I’m due about a month before she is, she’s having a boy, we’re waiting til birth to find out.

Initially she told me a boys names she’d like to use so obviously I took that off my list. However she now keeps adding to her list and we’re up to about 6 or 7 boys names that’s she considering and I’m guessing doesn’t want me to use. She hasn’t directly said it’s heavily implied. Such as randomly testing ‘oh btw we also like Jack’ for example, I’ll say ‘oh yea we also like that one’ and she’ll reply ‘well we’re not sure if we’re going to use it yet’ 👀.

As we’re not sure what we’re having, we’re thinking about naming baby after my mum if we have a girl. Sister also isn’t keen as ‘is that fair, then yours will be the favourite’.

I feel this is getting a bit silly, one name of she’s really likes it and doesn’t want us to use , fair enough, but after that she just needs to accept what we call our baby even if it’s on her ‘possibles’ list. There are a couple I really like and liked before she ‘claimed’ them.

on the other hand they’re are still
plenty of other names??

AIBU?

Also is it worth discussing or just dealing with any fallout if/when baby arrives?

I find the whole same baby name thing silly. You can call your child what you like. It's probably better not to have cousins with the same name, or at least not the same first name, especially if they are likely to be together a lot, but the way people moan on here because their friend has nicked "their" name.

Spoiler - more than one person in the world can have a name.

I advised dd not to discuss baby names with anyone except her dh.
They chose a name that was totally not what I expected.
I would tell your dsis that she’ll find out the name once your baby is born and you’ll choose what you want.

Both my grandfathers had the same first name... so unsurprisingly, given I come from a very big family, I have four cousins with that same first name.

Nobody gets confused, nobody got upset... oh except me because it was also my favourite boy name and my husbanded vetoed it!

We told everyone our boy and girl names (including middle) very early on - that way the grandmother who felt "sorry for your poor child with a name like THAT" could get over it before the birth, and one SIL could stop sulking that I'd "stolen her favourite name" (I'd only met her once so wasn't deliberate).

In your position, I'd give her dibs on one boy name and everything else is up for grabs.

Just stop discussing names with her, and use whatever name you want

This. She has to just suck it up if her baby is born second. As for not wanting you to not name a girl after your Mum, there are just no words to describe how ludicrous she sounds. Your Mum will love both her newborn Grandkids.

This.

Gosh do people who act like this look back and cringe at themselves?!

@Pregnantforwaytoolong - ignore. Don’t even give it headspace.

Madness!

Good grief, it doesn't matter if cousins have the same first name. Either they will end up as 'Jack' and 'Jackie' or 'Grace' and 'Gracie' or Big Jack and Little Jack even if Little Jack is 6 inches taller than Big Jack.

Your sister appears to have a very poor opinion of your mother if she thinks your mother will play favourites based on a name. Does your mother actually want a grandchild named after her? DH and I were going to name one of our DC after my mother 'I've always hated my first name' she told us. I suggested her second name 'I don't like that one much either'.

Just text back ‘DH is naming the baby so I’m keeping out of naming discussions from now on, glad you have a good list as you have loads of good options there.’

Well if she wants her son to be the "favourite", and your mum is called, say, Jennifer, ask sis if she wants to call her son Jennifer.

Ignore.

You don't know what sex your baby is and she can't embargo all names.

Also even if you give your children exactly the same first name it doesn't matter.

I actually have 2 nieces the same age with the same name. Then 3 other nieces who are around the same age with similar sounding names. ( I think this is funnier. ) The rest of my nephews and nieces names are different.

Good grief! Four weeks is nothing these days. She may even go first. Don’t get involved in any baby-naming conversations. Just tell her to shut it. She will know your baby’s name when you do.

I'd discuss it with her. Tell her something like there are 3 names she can pick that you will not touch but any other name is up for grabs.

Go and buy a book of baby names and give it to your sister and say the names in the book are on your list of possible names.

We have named all our babies after birth. Have a short list and then choose once they're here. Hopefully your nephew will arrive first and then you can choose anything your sister hasn't used. Have everything else you like on your shortlist.

I think having one name (the favourite) and a back up in case it doesn’t suit will more than suffice! Okay, maybe a third for another baby with the same sex potentially one day. But any more than that is unreasonable, especially if you both like, say, top 20 names like Noah etc. - which people obviously do, otherwise they wouldn’t be in the top 20! So, I’d share my top two (or three) with her and ask what hers are. Tell her more than this is unreasonable as what are the chances of her having seven of the same sex to use them all?

The comment about using your mum’s name and favouritism is ridiculous. I’d ignore this or say she can always honour a family member if she wishes too. If she doesn’t want to as she’d prefer something more trendy, that’s on her.

Talk to her. My sister had a baby 2 weeks after me last week. We both knew we were having boys. We did discuss names before hand. I had a list of ones I liked and said it to her. I didn't "claim" any just said the ones I liked. She said she was 99% sure she was going with Adam (not name used) I did like it and it was on my list but not my fav so told her I wasn't going with Adam anyway. If we had both wanted Adam I guess we would have discussed it further.

Ask her does she have any particular names she doesn't want you to use.

I think you should call your baby whatever you like, regardless of her list and alleged preferences.

After all, your baby is oging to be born first and there's nothing your sister can do about it if you choose a name she's tried to appropriate in advance.

I'm sorry, but I would tell her to feck off ignore her heavy hints.

And certainly ignore this idiocy

As we’re not sure what we’re having, we’re thinking about naming baby after my mum if we have a girl. Sister also isn’t keen as ‘is that fair, then yours will be the favourite’.

What a load of rubbish! If you love your mum's name, and you want that for a daughter, then bliddy use it! Your DS sounds slightly unhinged.

Nonsense, tell her that you'll use whatever name you want, she has no right to any name.

Don't talk to her any more about it. You're due first. Pick the names you want, ro not ask permission. My sister was like this, we ended up having different genders anyway. She also used a name that she never mentioned before, on her list of forbidden names! So there you go. Don't listen to her and don't ask permission. There are literally hundreds of nice names.

You're due first, so fuck her!

Have the baby.

Name the baby.

Probably avoid using the same name as any cousin already born and named. Otherwise go with whatever name you like.

This scenario was in my mind, too. It's a lose-lose situation for OP- whatever boy's name she decides on will have been "the one", and if she uses her DM's name for a girl then she's already (in her mad sister's fevered brain) destroyed any chance of any other baby being loved by the grandparents (what a load of BS).

I'd just ignore the sister, have my lovely baby and give her/ him whatever name I thought suited, which both parents liked.

You can name your baby whatever you want to, as can your sister. We had several male relatives with the same name.