to ask what is a reasonable timeline for moving in together and marriage? we are 32 and 30

[bluesymphony]

Before I get my head bitten off - yes I realise that these things are very subjective.

For context, we have only been together for a few months so anything could happen. He is 30 and I am 32. I would like to try for two children and I am trying to be mindful of my fertility.

Does moving in together at around the 1.5 year mark sound sensible or rushed? And does marriage at 2.5-3 years sound reasonable?

We both want marriage and this has already been discussed. I am cautious as I was badly hurt in my last relationship which ended four years ago, and he had a similar experience too.

TIA

I actually agree with this. I think you can’t put a timeline on this - you just know or you don’t. Also a lot depends on your circumstances: DH and I met on campus, lived at the same block so we didn’t need a lot of time to know each other. Meeting through a dating app and living in different cities would be a very different situation.
We moved together after a year, not because a year was long enough or anything, it was time to move for jobs so we did. My mum thought it was too soon, I didn’t care for her opinion, I knew I was right. Then we married in 6 months and then it took us 8 years to get through my fertility issues. It was 27 years ago. We are still together. I don’t think we were too quick.
A relative of mine was dating for nearly 5 years ( living together was not possible because of jobs) then they separated. Another one was dating and married in a year and then divorced very soon.

@Ange1233556 good re the ick that sounds like you wouldn't be prey to a love bomber 😂 you sound very sensible (my comment was more geared towards anyone else reading than you tbf!)

I also agree that your finances and whether you own property and would be buying or renting together and whether one of you would need to leave a job or your preferred area /town in order to move makes a difference. You can throw yourself into things if you have less to lose

I think it's less "what the timeline is" and that he actually wants to get married/move in, and won't drag his feet when it comes to it. In your 30s, I feel things move faster, and it isn't odd to have "what do you want out of life" conversations after 3-6 months of dating to make sure that you are aligned, and then revisit them to see if you are still aligned. Relationships work when you grow together, and people are always going to change.

Up to you. We waited 10 years to get married. And now starting TTC a year later. We’ve never planned anything though, just see how it goes.

DH and I met in the summer, moved in together the following Spring, engaged at the 2 year mark and married 10 months later. We were in our late 20s at that point. DD was a bit of a struggle to conceive, born 3 years after we got married though we were trying from a few months before the wedding.

If you're both happy and it feels right then there's not really a reason to have an arbitrary timeline on it. I'd probably move in together sooner rather than later, like around the 6 month mark, as that's what I'd really want to know - are you compatible living together, division of labour etc.

We were 30/31 when we got married. 28/29 when we met.

We never properly lived together before marriage but neither did we spend a night apart from our 2nd date. We knew.

34 years on/32 years married, all is well.

Good luck op. If you each know then other is the one, just get on with it.

Much happiness.

I was a little bit older than you OP but 6 months to being engaged, married 6 months later. If he hadn't proposed around the 6 month mark I was ready to dump him as I wanted someone as committed as I was.

And then due to circumstances carried on long distance for another 2 years before moving in together. Which was a massive shock learning how to get on when we'd already been married for 2 years.

If you both want marriage and kids then I don't see any point in delaying moving in together. It'll just show you quicker whether you're suited or not. It'd be really annoying to have wasted time if you moved in together in 1.5 years time then discovered some insurmountable incompatibility.

I'd be working back from the age you want to have your first child. Maybe 35? So move in asap, engaged after a year living together (33), marry when you're 34 and then baby straight after. Of course it's not always so straight forward but in an ideal world that's what I'd aim for if I were you.

You don't really know someone till you live with them. So I'd say move in relatively soon if you both feel sure about each other and want marriage in your future. Then just go with what feels right.

Why do you need a time line? Whatever feels natural surely. Anyway I met hubby at 34 he was 33 and on day 3 he proposed for the first time in his life lol and within 4 weeks not only did we get rid of the houses we both had separately we also got our first house together we got engaged and got married aswell and I couldn't be happier. And now almost 4 years on we have 4 children,he has also changed job so I can be a sahm for now so yes for us that was perfect for us and I wouldn't change a thing

I agree and recommend that in this situation living together really helps. Why not move in asap, you then see how someone behaves on a day-to-day basis. It cements things, and fast-forwards your relationship because you spend so much more time together and you learn so much more about eachother, quickly.

We got engaged after 13.5 months, bought our house and moved in after 20 months and got married after 28 months. This year we celebrate 20 years of marriage and 22 years together. We were in our mid 20's so not as much of a rush for fertility.

When you know, you know. If you have any doubts or niggles listen to them.

Moved in after 3 months
Married after 2 years
Tried to conceive immediately took 2 years.
Happily married 23 years on.

We met when I was 34 and he was 30. We were married within 18 months, we met nearly twenty years ago.

@bluesymphony I think you both need to live together before you can make any other plans. Have you met his family and friends? What's stopping you from living together now or staying over at each others places as if living together?

Well I have no idea, 1st husband I was 20 when we met, 21 when engaged and moved in (to my parents) then 22 when got married. Marriage lasted 3 years. I realised how jealous and controlling he was as soon as we got engaged but didn't know how to stop things. Was told I needed fertility treatment to have children, I probably would have been pregnant if that wasn't the case.

2nd husband, got pregnant after 2 weeks, apparently the doctors were wrong. Moved in together after 5 months, DS1 came along 4 months later, then we got married after 4.5 years. We had DS2 then also. Been together 18 years.

I wouldn't recommend either 😂

I think in your 30s though you would be more comfortable knowing if its the right person, I wouldn't say there is any need to wait more than 2 years to get married, moving in together in under a year is not a huge deal IMO, would seen sensible.

I met my husband when I was 26 and he was 29. Both serious from the start.

Moved in after 15 months (he got served notice, I owned my house so he moved in with me).
Engaged after 2 years.
Would have been married at just over the 3 year mark but Covid hit so we had to postpone a year so it was 4 years.
Moved out of my house and bought one together after 5 years.

No kids or baggage on either side, had known each other about 18 months before started dating and always very up front about future plans and happy to discuss money/children/goals etc from day 1.

I say go with the flow, see what feels right

I would say that relationships need to progress and move on (if kids are wanted anyhow) and if they don't, move on

We moved in at 11 months and started trying for a baby soon after

I was late 30s though.

I met my DP in spring 2021, we got engaged Sept 2022 and will marry this September. I was early 30s when we met, him almost 40.

We kind of fell into living together, by a few months in we were together every night. He now lives in my flat, but we still have his flat that we often spend weekends in, so I guess officially we still haven't moved in together!

Marriage was important to me before kids, but we also wanted a largish traditional wedding. I'm not sure we could have planned it easily in under a year (not because of volume of tasks), but because the supplier part of the industry is geared up for things taking that long). So you may wish to factor that into your timescales.

Me and DH were 27 and 29 when we first met.

I moved in with him after 4 months and he proposed about 18 months later. After he proposed we were married within 5 months.

At your age I would expect a quick timeline purely for all the fertility reasons that have already been mentioned.

Is marriage before children a necessity for you?

We moved in together after about 3 months and married 1.5 years later, we had our dd a month after our first anniversary. We’ve been together 19 years, married for 17 this year. I think you just know when the time is right.

Me and my husband moved in together at 7 months, we were 24 We got married at 27. When you know, you know!

To add, in your situation I'd be quicker than that. Move in between now and 6 months, and married within 2 years or less. So long as they are the right person for you.

You can always have children before marriage but I always wanted to be married first.