to ask what is a reasonable timeline for moving in together and marriage? we are 32 and 30

[bluesymphony]

Before I get my head bitten off - yes I realise that these things are very subjective.

For context, we have only been together for a few months so anything could happen. He is 30 and I am 32. I would like to try for two children and I am trying to be mindful of my fertility.

Does moving in together at around the 1.5 year mark sound sensible or rushed? And does marriage at 2.5-3 years sound reasonable?

We both want marriage and this has already been discussed. I am cautious as I was badly hurt in my last relationship which ended four years ago, and he had a similar experience too.

TIA

It depends a bit on your living situation but when I was in your situation I moved in to his place quickly - 9 months ish. I was short term renting and didn't have much stuff so if it went badly it it wouldn't be a big deal to just move out again, but I knew I wanted to live with someone for over a year before marrying, I don't think you get the full picture if you live separately.

I would also think about how long it would take you to plan a wedding - we just went for a quick legal ceremony because I wanted to get married before trying to conceive and time was not on our side, but if you're dreaming of a big wedding that takes 6 months to plan then you need to factor that in.

I was engaged a year after meeting now DH, and married 8 months after that. We didn't live together before. When you know, you know.

It might not be but you have no way of knowing and truth is that risks are increased 35+. It’s straightforward for a lot of people but given that you know you want this I wouldn’t be waiting as long personally as it might mean that you only have one child instead of the two you want, and it might be harder to get there than it need be if you tried say next year instead

I moved in with my partner after a month, had baby after 2 years. Husband wanted one sooner but I wanted to wait so we could travel / have fun and have baby when I was 30. Now have 3 kids been together 17 years. I know on mumsnet that makes me an idiot but we both have independent wealth and properties and own family home jointly. Kids pestering us to get married so we probably will soon.

we both knew very quickly it was “right”. And discussed number of kids on 2nd date! Both been around the block with long term partners and also did a lot of dating inbetween so knew what we wanted

It all depends is my answer, not helpful I know.

When I met DH I was 21 & living at home. We were together for a year & did a 2 week abroad holiday plus camping in the uk before deciding to buy a house together.

We moved in together when I was 22, had DC1 at 23, DC2 at 24, bought our 2nd house at 25, got married at 27 & had DC3 at 37. DH is 4 years older than me.

We've been together over 20 years now and are very happy.

Some people thought we did everything quickly but it's worked out for us and as soppy as it sounds, when you know, you know.

Good luck

if both happy then try asap.

When I was in my 30’s my timeline was 1.5 yrs to know if someone is a go or not for marriage. I wanted to have lived together for a year before getting married. That year could be after the 1.5 yrs or start at any point during the 1.5yr but in my mind, if it took me more than 1.5 yrs of knowing someone to think I’d like to marry them, then he had to go.

If you are 32 and want 2 DCs you need to get your fertility checked now.

Could you freeze embryos now in case things are difficult later?

If I was 32 and with someone I wanted a family with I wouldn't wait 3 years to ttc.

I don't know to be honest.

I wouldn't move in with someone unless I was actively engaged to them (and by that I mean, actually planning a wedding)

Is there some invisible rule book I’m not aware of? Surely whatever suits the two of you. 2 months, 2 years. Why wait? If it’s right, it’s right. Are you doing it for external validation?

How did you meet?

That would be a factor for me. Did you meet on a dating app and know next to nothing about him or is he a friend of a friend who knows his dating history, family etc.

Depends. Also on your living situation. Do either of you own? Both own? Both rent? Signing up to a lease or buying a house together is a much bigger commitment. Going to stay in someone’s house knowing you can move out again pretty easily is a much smaller one.

We took the route of trying for a baby first, but on the proviso that if I got pregnant he has to marry me before I had the baby. I was 16 weeks when we got married after 2 years together.

Do you need to have a set time limit? My husband and I were married after 18 months of being together, when we were 24 and 25. We've been married 19 years in a couple of weeks. I think if you know, you know. Why wait if you both want it.

I would definitely say a year/18 months to move in together is appropriate at your ages. For me, if age and fertility weren’t an issue, I’d say getting married a couple of years after that would feel right. However if you do want kids maybe think about having a baby at that time instead (I know other people on here will bite my head off about having children before marriage as they’ll say it leaves the woman vulnerable).
Or I guess you could get married then start trying straight away? That might be better come to think of it.
We moved in together after a year really, and I was early pregnant by our three year mark, but I was 37 at that point. Had it been 5 years earlier I would have given it more time and probably got married first.

This is a bit of a puzzling post. Why are you asking strangers these questions when you have already discussed it with your partner? If you both want marriage, presumably to each other, then you'll know when it's right to take each step. If you just want the marriage and baby thing, but not necessarily with this bloke, then these questions are not only hypothetical but impossible to answer. For what it's worth, my husband and I were 26 and 34 when we met, moved in together after about 4 dates (probably 3 weeks), married after 11 weeks total of being together (and only waited that long because that was the earliest date we could get at the Register Office). That was in 1983 and we are still very happily together. I have friends who did it more conventionally - 2 years dating, then 2 years engaged etc) who split up early on in the marriage, some after children etc. There is just no "right" timescale.

We met and dated 'long distance' for 18 months before getting married and buying a house together, we didn't actually life together first due to the distance between us (waited 12 years before having a baby though - by mutual agreement - and I got pregnant at 42 with no difficulty... appreciate this wouldn't suit everyone though ).

Met when we were both 35.

First date January.
Engaged February.
Moved in together May.
Married September.
Started TTC the following June.
Silver wedding this year.

Who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

I met dh and got engaged within 7 months, moved in together after a year or so and got married 4 yrs in (only waited as i was a student and wanted to graduate). We have been together 23 years now.

If you both love each other, feel each other are The One and want to marry I don't see the reason to wait. We moved in after 6 months, engaged at 18 months, married at 2.5 years. That was 21 years ago.

I was 31 when I met my husband who is a year older than me.

We moved in together officially after 3 years, engaged after nearly 5 and married 6 years after we met.

We have 1 child, I was 38 when I had hi.. we could have had more but I didn't want to.

So, by your timescales we were really slow but we just did things when we were ready. We were pretty much unofficially living together from when we met though, it's always been very easy and felt right.

I was around your age when I met my husband and we moved in together after 2/3 months.

Meant to add - engaged after 6 weeks and married after 9 months and we are very happy. It's whatever feels right for you both.

I think it’s hard to gauge this from other people’s experiences as every situation is so different. For what it’s worth I wasn’t ready to marry my ex partner even after living together etc. With my husband our timeline was very quick, we moved in after five months, engaged after nine months, married the year after so we’d been together just under two years. We got pregnant immediately and are happily married with two children five years later. That’s not what I would have done with any of my ex partners but sometimes it just works. Good luck whatever you decide, it’s good to be sensible and cautious but don’t feel you have to timetable everything, none of the above was planned, but it worked out.

Why don’t you just go for a donor
it’s very much coming across that’s all you want

are u sure he feels the same

There is no one size fits all. Do whatever feels right for both of you.

Things should move a bit quicker in your 30s than in your 20s though... if you both want the same things.

Personally, I don't see the need to wait 6 months after marriage to start trying to conceive. You have committed to each other and would have had a little time to enjoy together before being parents. If babies are important, then that needs to be a priority in your 30s- you don't have the same time to play with as couples who meet when they're younger.

I met my husband almost 8 years ago (age 30) and we now have a 6yo and 3yo. Marriage came after the babies for us!