Fellow mum never reciprocates with play dates

[Voodoo43]

My dd is friends with a local mother’s kids. She is a nice woman. We have a lot in common & get on. I have invited her & her kids over many times but we never get a reciprocal invite. I have known her nearly 5 years now. I know she has some issue with people coming round. She has said her house is messy. Mine is too & we do not have an impressive lifestyle at all. The lack of reciprocation has got me down so I now tend to just suggest we only meet up outside my home. She is always keen to meet. She likes me. I am too scared to ask her why she doesn’t like people to come round in case it is due to some trauma. She is a very private person. AIBU in finding her lack of reciprocation unfair?

Yeah. This Milly Molly Shandy is v unpleasantly bullying. Just weird. I have known this other mum for 5 years. Things creep up on you. I have never enforced anything on anyone. Seems that a lot of people on MN have a v grim hard view of the world, going on about their boundaries and how they can’t be bothered to do anything pleasant for anyone if it might intrude on their personal space in some way. I do not include ppl with genuine MH problems in this.

I get where you are coming from. Same here with us, child is an only child, aged 11. We host nearly all the playdates. I see how popular they are when I drop to school, kids wave and shout to him, want to play with him. They pretty much always say yes to playdates at ours. Other parents are really complimentary about my child, lovely manners, have lovely chats etc. I know they are well-behaved. It is started to affect their self-esteem that they don't get invites often. Also I scho the point that it is good for kids to see how other families live, communicate etc. It's become a real bugbear of mine the lack of reciprocity. I know most of the families well, know their houses, their circumstances, their lifestyles and the reasons not to reciporacte don't stack up.

X

Just wanted to jump on and say that I have had my DS age 8 best friend round loads of times and its never been reciprocated I understand why to an extent but its so annoying because the mum will say her son is desperate for a playdate he loves coming to your house which means when can you have him , on one occasion she said this then txt a day and i replied so is my son coming to you as it wasn't clear , she suggested we meet in the park instead which we did it was lovely but I had to be there im disabled and often in alot of pain and would have appreciated her taking them on her own as i have her son on my own . Ive never had this issue before , with my older kids it was always reciprocated fairly that unspoken playdate etiquette. God i hate the term playdate

Yes it's unfair but if I wanted to meet up I would outside, if not I would stop

It's a "play date" not childcare. Your child wants a friend round? Ask your child's friend round. End of story. I can't stand tally chart thinking.