Exhausted feeding my family

[winterrrain]

It's not even a large family.

2 children and two adults. My Husband, my son aged 10 and my youngest aged 2.

My eldest and husband eat three cooked meals a day. Every day. They also expect a plate of fruit and a plate of salad to be out in the evening to snack on.

They all eat at different times and won't eat the same food. My Husband only eats his own country's cuisine and my Son doesn't like spicy food.

They reject any ready meals or processed food (I guess in a way that's good but he odd cheat meal I'd like as a break).

My Husband also likes a drink of tea made with milk and Cardamon in which is a faff to make and he has a few times a day. He also has a milkshake which contains banana and nuts in the morning.

My Eldest has a hot chocolate in the evening and water throughout the day but brings me the glass each time to refill as he will only drink it with ice and lemon in which he apparently can't make himself 🙄

They're both quite fussy and don't like a lot of food which can be batch cooked but my Son will eat spaghetti bolognese and shepherds pie but only the meat can be frozen he won't eat the mash if it's been frozen and he can easily tell.

I'm spending all day cooking and cleaning up after the family.

I work three days a week from home. Husband works full time from home.

My Eldest has a cooked meal at school.

They both like an omlette for breakfast. No toast and butter or cereal for these two 🙄

They have hot meals for every meal of the day.

Since I had my youngest I'm struggling with energy to do it all to be honest.

AIBU?

I don't think there's a solution unless I tell them to get their own food 😂 But wanted to know I'm not being unreasonable.
Any tips to make things a little easier?
Any batch cooking recipies I could think of?

Or maybe this is a completely normal day of food for a family?

One cooked meal a day is reasonable, all the rest is not. They have legs - they can get their own.

Nope. Nopitty nope. Not normal at all.

Sorry, no real advice except to decide what you absolutely will do, what you absolutely will not do, tell them and stick to it like glue.

otherwise, say goodbye to your sanity.

Why do you make all these stuff? Your DH wants a faffy tea, tell him to make it himself. Same for meals other than what you are planning to cook for the family.

Or maybe this is a completely normal day of food for a family?

No it isn't remotely normal to cook for every whim of your husband and children.

If you are working 3 days a week why on earth are you making your husband a milkshake every morning followed by multiple complicated drinks??

Why have you pandered to everyone wanting different food at dinner and served at different times??

None of this is remotely similar to a normal family food dynamic.

Is this for real? Why are you their personal chef and waitress?

You know you are not being unreasonable to want to stop being an enabler and pushover.
You don't need permission from anyone baryourself.

Wow of course they are not being reasonable

why are you being made to do this for a grown man and an older boy who should learn how to do this

most people do not have a cooked breakfast and lunch every day - porridge and sandwiches etc are normal

They should be able to make their own and yes you can batch cook a few meals a week and your husband and son can help

this is ridiculous especially as you also work and so it’s not the same as women who don’t do anything but clean and cook which is the case where my family are originally from

Jeez - how on earth have you got into this situation? They can be this fussy when they make their own food - I think you chose how many meals a week (not even day tbf) you will cook and you chose something as acceptable as possible and then if they want to vary it that's on them.

Please stop now before the youngest goes the same way due to the examples they're being set

Does your DH cook for you all at all? If not that's the first thing to address . .

My children would all have wanted something different for each meal - they didn’t get it. Your job is to provide 3 nutritious meals a day, that’s it. If they want anything extra/different they can do it themselves. If too young to do it themselves they eat what they are given

Give them tioli

take it or leave it

I think at 10 it is reasonable to teach the child how to fetch his own cold drink.
Husband can also make his own drinks.

I try and do a lot of meal prep whilst being in the same room as the children, e.g. peeling / chopping veg in the living room on the floor, whilst the children play. Or I sometimes bring the fruit / veg outside to prep whilst kids play in the garden. Prep doesn't always have to take place in the kitchen. Try and do the prep at quiet times of the day. I would often prep for the evening right after breakfast, when my DD was small as she would often play happily after breakfast which gave me time to crack on with jobs.

I would enforce set meal times and anyone who wants to eat outside of those times has to heat up their plate or make their own food. I wouldn't be cooking different things for different people. Cook one dish, with additional things for people to add if they want it on the table (salad / veg / bread / cheese etc). I think also reasonable to delegate one day (at least) a week for the husband to cook.

Omlettes I think are pretty easy in the morning and will set them up for the day well, so I think persevere with that. You could prep the fillings in advance (a Tupperware of chopped mushrooms / ham / grated cheese etc in fridge so mornings are a bit easier).

In my house the kids ate what they were given.
I would not be preparing separate meals for anyone.
Your dh needs to cook his own foods

Your son copies your DH and you are complying with this behaviour.
In an ideal world, yes we'd all benefit from exclusively healthy home cooked meals all day every day.
But you are also working and not the sole carer of your children and you are not your DH's personal chef or his nanny.
Tell DH you cannot continue at this rate. He either helps or accepts different meals.
And don't take any nonsense from DS / his future wife won't thank you and your DS will be as annoying as your DH when it comes to meals.
You're more than welcome to come and live with us and I'd be more than happy to pay you an incredibly good wage to cook for all our family - we'd treat you like a queen and we'd appreciate your efforts and you can take time off as and when you need it. Takeaways now and then would be more than acceptable. You can have very late starts as we manage breakfast on our own. And we don't bother with lunch on a regular basis.

I don't think there's a solution unless I tell them to get their own food

So why don't you just do that?

I can't believe you're cooking three meals a day and making hot drinks for a grown man and a ten year old

How did you end up in this position?

I understand the cultural differences - my partner is Indian, grew up in a traditional home, with staff etc...

But.

He has known from the day he met me I was not, and never would be, a traditional Indian wife.

We both work full time. Him from home.

We shop. He does half the household tasks, and most of the cooking. Whoever wants chai makes it and offers the other (mine is better though!)

You need to talk to your husband about his expectations and your feelings. It would have been better to do this pre-marriage, but it isn't too late.

Why are you doing it all? You’re working 3 days a week, you can do a bit more on your days off but the rest of the time, including weekends, should be shared equally between you and your DH, and your DS can help too. Stop making your DS drinks too.

Agree with everyone else stop with the fancy drink making that’s just not necessary and you are not their maid

Two different dinners!! No no no make one meal and if DH wants something different well he knows where the kitchen is

You must be EXHAUSTED, however you made your own bed so time to teach DS and DH that your days of being the maid are over

I cook an evening meal for teenage dds but other than that they make their own arrangements for breakfast and lunch with food I've bought

You’re not being unreasonable.
Seriously he can make his own hot drinks! That’s just pathetic.

Fine to cook food people like. But if you’re the cook you get to choose what you make and to make it more simple if you want. Anyone who wants stuff you don’t feel like cooking can learn to do it themselves if they are grown adults, or a growing child (within reason). And if you are “the cook” that has to be through choice - not being compelled or expected. I’d think if you work 3 days, there are perhaps 2 days per week where it would make sense for you to do a bit more of the cooking on those days. Not be a personal chef. And the rest of the week - basic principle should be shared.

I'm a sahp so I do 99% of the meals. I'll make dh a regular tea if I'm making one myself. I would make a breakfast for my 7 year old if he asked but I have cut back on snacks- he is starting to do those. There's no way I'm cooking separate meals. I do very very rarely but because 2 of the kids favourites the rest hate, so the odd time I'll do their favourite and something different for the others. But by and large it's one dinner for everyone albeit at different times.

Thanks everyone I know it's something I have created for myself.
I think it's more everyone eating differently and at different times.

Thing is my eldest is hungry as soon as he's in from school as school dinners are quite small.
So he eats at 4pm while husband isn't hungry until 7pm.
Son would never managed to last until 7pm.

I eat at 7pm too.

It's a shame aswell as we don't eat together as a family.

Husband tends to have quite a changing work schedule so doesn't eat at set times anyway. Just when he's hungry.

Husband only likes his countries cuisine and says British food is bland to him.

Son doesn't like any spicy food.

Not sure how to manage that one.

Simple solution.
Husband cooks his own meals.
Batch cook your meals but when you're preparing them do the mash fresh to pipe on top of shepherds or cottage pie.
You have enabled them both for too long and it's time you had a break.

Nope, this is outrageous and I speak as someone who does have to balance a few challenges such as lactose intolerance and fussy DD and DS and DH who do insane amounts of exercise and can broadly eat all day.

DS (12) is perfectly capable of making his own eggs in the morning - usually scrambled, sometimes fried or he'll put together a big bowl of fruit, granola and yoghurt. DD has cereal on those days. Some mornings I make pancakes/banana pancakes/waffles for everyone - usually on days when DH is here to do school run so I don't have to be rushing to also shower and/or on days DD has school dinners so I am not trying to also make a packed lunch.

I accomodate a certain amount of flex in the evening but not excessively. eg I'll make a steak for DD who doesn't like sauces etc, but might turn the same steak into a stir fry for the rest of us. When I make things like spaghetti bolognaise or meatballs, I make extra so that I can freeze additional portions for DD and she has those on the nights the rest of us are having, for example, a curry.

Leave out fruit or salad for people to snack on, or your DH/DS could do that.

As for the tea.... hahahahahahahahaha. I make DH tea/coffee if I'm making and vice versa, but complicated drinks, multiple times per day... not a chance.

Presumably he knows how to get ice out of the freezer and cut up a lemon also?
3 hot meals a day is ludicrous