Exhausted feeding my family

[winterrrain]

It's not even a large family.

2 children and two adults. My Husband, my son aged 10 and my youngest aged 2.

My eldest and husband eat three cooked meals a day. Every day. They also expect a plate of fruit and a plate of salad to be out in the evening to snack on.

They all eat at different times and won't eat the same food. My Husband only eats his own country's cuisine and my Son doesn't like spicy food.

They reject any ready meals or processed food (I guess in a way that's good but he odd cheat meal I'd like as a break).

My Husband also likes a drink of tea made with milk and Cardamon in which is a faff to make and he has a few times a day. He also has a milkshake which contains banana and nuts in the morning.

My Eldest has a hot chocolate in the evening and water throughout the day but brings me the glass each time to refill as he will only drink it with ice and lemon in which he apparently can't make himself 🙄

They're both quite fussy and don't like a lot of food which can be batch cooked but my Son will eat spaghetti bolognese and shepherds pie but only the meat can be frozen he won't eat the mash if it's been frozen and he can easily tell.

I'm spending all day cooking and cleaning up after the family.

I work three days a week from home. Husband works full time from home.

My Eldest has a cooked meal at school.

They both like an omlette for breakfast. No toast and butter or cereal for these two 🙄

They have hot meals for every meal of the day.

Since I had my youngest I'm struggling with energy to do it all to be honest.

AIBU?

I don't think there's a solution unless I tell them to get their own food 😂 But wanted to know I'm not being unreasonable.
Any tips to make things a little easier?
Any batch cooking recipies I could think of?

Does your husband ever cook/ make cups of tea/ milkshakes?
All this catering is almost like a full time job in itself (I assume you do the rest of the house work too), and then you also work three days a week. It’s too much.

Nope - They make their own drinks. They make their own snack.

If they expect a cooked dinner, they eat whats on offer or they have some toast.

If husband likes an omelette for breakfast he can rustle one up for him and the eldest every day.

As an absolute minimum, even if you continue to cook the evening meal, you need to insist on:
Everyone does their own breakfast (except 2yo obviously)
Husband does his own lunch
Husband does his own milkshake and milk things.

And both sort out their own fruit and salad.

What on earth have I just read?? How old is your son? Is your husband disabled?

YOU ARE NOT THEIR SKIVVY JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A WOMAN.

Tell them to get their own fucking food and drinks in the day. Jesus wept.

Here's a normal day of food here

Breakfast - DH sorts himself out. DD will have scrambled egg (made 8n microwave) and toast or banana and yoghurt or cereal

Lunch - DD at school, DH sorts himself out.

Dinner - 1 meal is cooked, everyone eats it or doesn't and goes hungry or sorts themselves out. Usually something that can be put in the oven in one tray or cooked on the hob in one pan.

Snack - everyone sorts themselves out. DD has a snack straight from school to tide herself over till dinner. Bread and butter, fruit, yoghurt.

Drinks throughout the day - everyone sorts themselves out.

Hi OP, are you happy to do all the cooking and want to continue, but just want to make it easier?

Is it a cultural expectation?

Either way it sounds really tough. 3 cooked meals a day sounds hard! Can you speak to your husband and ask him to help problem solve as to how you can make managing food for the family easier? Will he adapt a little? What happens if you just stop making it?

Why can't he make his own drinks if you both work from home?
Why can't he do some of the meals?

Sorry for all the questions but if the answer is just because they don't want to, you've no reason to keep doing it.

There's also no reason he can't eat milder food for your DS to be accommodated, whereas your DS won't be able to eat the spicier food so can't do the same.

For breakfast - omelettes keep and freeze really well. Can you make them in a batch and reheat in the morning?

For the spicy thing - could you make a mild or non spicy curry for tea that your son would eat, portion his up then add more spice in afterwards for you / DH to eat later?

Make one big batch of chopped fruit and salad on a Monday and a Wednesday, keep in a big tupperware to dish out later in the day, or portion it up into a tupperware per day for your DH and children to access when they want it.

I don't see why they can't get their own drinks and snacks, surely these are life skills for your children too?

Fuck that. He makes his own tea and food, you hatch cook for the youngest. Give him a snack and then eat together at 7Pm?

My Eldest has a hot chocolate in the evening and water throughout the day but brings me the glass each time to refill as he will only drink it with ice and lemon in which he apparently can't make himself

Not only is this ridiculous, you're teaching a boy that it's a woman's job to service men and do as they are told.

Do you not have any concerns about the fact you're basically grooming a boy to become a sexist man?

You're also setting him up to not be self sufficient rather than preparing him to be a responsible adult.

Nobody is 'winning' in this situation other than your husband, who I'm assuming does no housework either?

Speaking of which, do your children do any chores at all? I assume not if they aren't even making snacks and drinks for themselves.

This household is set up like a 1950s one, except on top of the 'traditional' sexism being showcased, you're also working three days a week so contributing to the household on that front too!

Is your younger child a girl?

I would do the cooking for you and your dd, maybe make your son an omelette for breakfast but teach him how to cook so he can do his own when he starts secondary school.
Drinks - everyone gets their own.
Lunches - everyone gets their own unless they want the same as you (except your youngest).
Dinner - Make your children's but try to get your son to come up with more simple ideas. You and DH take it in turns to cook yours, but you do it slightly more often as your work part time.

That’s ridiculous. You’re being a mug. Is this cultural where your husband expects you to be at his beck and call. Please don’t be a doormat. Stick up for yourself and say no.

What's tioli?

Three cooked meals a day? My family are very lucky to get one in the evening. You are not being unreasonable at all. This is not a completely normal day of food as it is, no.

You have a 2 year old to look after, you should not be doing all this three times a day.

If your 10 year old has a meal at school then when they are home in the evening it is just sandwiches and fruit for them. This is normal for a lot of families with school-age kids I think.

On busy days at home it is just pasta and salad in the evening for the adults.

Any adults and certainly your 10 year old can get their own drinks and snacks.

I would supervise your 10 year old if he's making a hot drink himself for the first time - but only until he knows what he's doing and then he can make it himself e.g. boil a kettle and use powdered hot chocolate that can be used just with water.

They are definitely being unreasonable wanting to eat at different times. Set the meal times or your husband can but then everyone eats at the same time. You sound like a saint to be honest.

We always sit at a table for a meal, never in front of the television. This helps with mealtimes...Get your 10 year old to lay the table. His dad can get the drinks. Then you are all ready to eat.

Otherwise batch cooking and frozen vegetables are time savers.

Batch cook bolognese sauce and freeze.

Batch cook the mince and onions so you have a base for shepherds pie.
You can also freeze cheese sauce e.g, for lasagne

Frozen veg for busy days e.g. onion (already sliced), frozen veg (I find broccoli, or beans already frozen saves time), frozen spinach (saves time and fridge space and you really can't tell the difference in a cooked meal from the fresh stuff)

If they like fish how about getting some for the freezer too, then you have ingredients ready for a curry or risotto. Alternatively there are fish fingers and oven chips. They can go into the oven at the same time and then there's just some salad to prepare which your 10 year old could do.

There are some other ideas on this website - I think 10 minutes for these is VERY optimistic but may give you some inspiration. https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/collections/10-minute_meals

Hope this is helpful, and that things improve.

You are being incredibly unreasonable to pander to these babies and their demands.

And if your son follows in his father's footsteps any woman (or man) would be very unreasonable to marry him and become a slave the way you have, so you are at risk of making him a very unattractive prospect for future partners.

If they want all this fancy stuff cooked for them they should be making it themselves. And making their fair share of meals for you.

You need to go on strike.

This is ridiculous. DTs are 11 and have been sorting their own breakfast for ages. they can do scrambled eggs, omlette, pancakes at the weekend. They make their own packed lunches (they like doing it) and lunch at the weekend if we are at home.

They cook the evening meal once a week usually takes an hour to clean up the kitchen but at least they do it

You need to knock the drink making right on the head. DH drinks tea. I don't. Therefore I don't make him tea. He is perfectly capable of doing it himself.

He doesn't cook much but he does other things that make up for it, including the dishes after dinner.

Can you make the 'british' food more Asian? I'm assuming he's Indian. My kids love curried shepherds pie, keema, kofte curry for example. Your husband can add more spice to his portion.

Stop being a skivvy to them op!

I have the spicy/not spicy thing in my house - basically I cook what I cook and DH gets handed a bottle of hot sauce to go with it.

Bland tastebud son gets the occasional ready meal when I fancy something more complicated than his palette will handle.

and if I just down tools and don’t fancy making anything DH will toddle off to the shops and get us something with no complaints.

Everyone deals with their own breakfasts.

No, that's not normal and needs to be changed. Loads is too much there but I can't believe your DS can't get himself a glass of water.

My BIL works in a factory and recently asked a 20 yr old to sweep up something, he asked how. BIL thought he was joking, no the lad had genuinely never once in his life held a broom. Don't raise your DS to be like that.

Avg day here:

DS is 10 months old so yes I do all his food/ drinks.

DH - No clue what he has for breakfast. I do his lunch only because I WFH and he farms so comes in, we have what ever I fancy for lunch. Dinner, I cook both our dinner (and freeze little portions for DS) I am the better cook.

This is not normal!

your husband can cook his own special food and drink.

The only ones who need looking after are the dependents everything else is up for negotiation

We eat separately from our kids for a variety of reasons but that does not make me into a personal slave!

In your position, I would say:

You cook 5 evening meals a week as you work 3 days only - your DH should cook the other two nights, e.g. the weekend.

DH and DS sort their own drinks, no discussion.

Ditto their breakfast omelettes and salad and fruit in the evening. If you eat it too, perhaps you could take it in turns but if it's just for them, leave them to it.

I mean it's great that they eat so healthily but it's ridiculous that they are making you do it all.

Stop being a martyr. Your husband is an adult. Surely he can cook or take care of for himself? He either eats what his children are having or make the food himself.

tioli seems to be take it or leave it.

Making your ds WATER is madness

I used to feed mine something blandish when they were small at about 5pm then dh and I would have something different later by ourselves. The kids would sometimes come and hang out with us and pick at what we were having or have a snack while we were eating.

Dd was making herself porridge or omelette when she was in year 6.

Dh would often cook

This

You are setting a terrible example. I feel sorry for any potential future daughter in law.

Please stop being a door mat.

I actually have no idea what my dh has for breakfast! I suspect toast and marmalade and cereal as marmalade keeps appearing and I never buy it

No.

Lots of good advice already but the main thing is you work 3 days. So ds and dh need to do some of the work. And if they want to be high maintenance for breakfast that's up to them to sort out.

And I would give your son a snack at 4 when he comes in (toast maybe?). Then have family dinner about 6. Your dh can compromise for the same of the family and stop being a little emperor.