Exhausted feeding my family

[winterrrain]

It's not even a large family.

2 children and two adults. My Husband, my son aged 10 and my youngest aged 2.

My eldest and husband eat three cooked meals a day. Every day. They also expect a plate of fruit and a plate of salad to be out in the evening to snack on.

They all eat at different times and won't eat the same food. My Husband only eats his own country's cuisine and my Son doesn't like spicy food.

They reject any ready meals or processed food (I guess in a way that's good but he odd cheat meal I'd like as a break).

My Husband also likes a drink of tea made with milk and Cardamon in which is a faff to make and he has a few times a day. He also has a milkshake which contains banana and nuts in the morning.

My Eldest has a hot chocolate in the evening and water throughout the day but brings me the glass each time to refill as he will only drink it with ice and lemon in which he apparently can't make himself 🙄

They're both quite fussy and don't like a lot of food which can be batch cooked but my Son will eat spaghetti bolognese and shepherds pie but only the meat can be frozen he won't eat the mash if it's been frozen and he can easily tell.

I'm spending all day cooking and cleaning up after the family.

I work three days a week from home. Husband works full time from home.

My Eldest has a cooked meal at school.

They both like an omlette for breakfast. No toast and butter or cereal for these two 🙄

They have hot meals for every meal of the day.

Since I had my youngest I'm struggling with energy to do it all to be honest.

AIBU?

I don't think there's a solution unless I tell them to get their own food 😂 But wanted to know I'm not being unreasonable.
Any tips to make things a little easier?
Any batch cooking recipies I could think of?

How much of the cooking does DH do?

Sounds like you've got a lazy misogynist on your hands.

DS often has a sandwich, jacket potato, dumplings etc when he comes in and then had a proper dinner later. There's no chance in hell that I'd be making him a full dinner to eat at4:30. I don't have time.

Tell your husband that that is wonderful, so many men are outstanding cooks and incredible at mastering the intricacies of their home food cultures, the better to bring it to their families? You can't wait to have the delicious authentic dinner he makes for you?

Show the son the toaster, the pot of peanut butter and the knife?

This is what I did!

PS they are absolutely conning you! Don't be a mug/skivvy!

Your 10 year old will be hungry after school but why not have a decent snack and wait to eat with the family later?

the spice thing - can you do like a tray of roasted chicken pieces - some with spices on them and some without? Things like that, where you only have to make a small change to part of the dish and not cook completely separate things? Mild curry for the child and add a load of chillis to your husbands plate? Chilli sauce for your husband to add at the table to the "bland" food?

You all compromise as your a family. Your DS is hungry when he gets in from school, so a substantial snack at 4pm, then you eat as a family at 6.30pm. If your DH doesn’t want to eat then he can have his portion at 7pm if he wants. You make one meal, change it up so some days DHs cuisine, including less spicy options, and some days other cuisines. If DH really doesn’t want those options then he can make his own food on those nights.

Is there a cultural reason why you're doing everything? It's not normal (in the UK) to be waiting on everyone like this and preparing three cooked meals a day, as well as drinks.
Like you, I work three days a week and DH works full time (he works crazily long hours). I will cook dinner for everyone every night. My choice - I have the time and actually love meal planning and cooking. However, that's it. I cook dinner and nothing else! DH is more than capable of making his own breakfast, lunch and drinks. If u did what you're doing I'd feel like a skivvy, not to mentioned exhausted and stressed.
How would your DH react to a serious discussion about this?

Does your husband not have arms?

I mean.. there really is a simple solution. You tell them you're no longer doing it. They can make their own food, or if you still want to continue doing the bulk of the cooking they can eat what you have chosen. I am absolutely baffled and gobsmacked that you have been doing this for so long when you haven't wanted to. It's bonkers.

If I were you I would do an immediate stop to all beverages. Kid can do their own water and husband can do his own milky beverage - that’s just cheeky fuckery.

This sounds ridiculous. How have you turned into a slave for your husband and your son??

My son is 9 and gets his own breakfast and can make his own lunch and his own drinks- tea/hot choc etc.

You need to nip this in the bud now. Start with the days you work. On these day they have to he their own drinks, breakfast and lunch. maybe your husband can make dinner some of those days too!

Eat as a family at the weekend.

During the week, you could cook for the adults while the child is having his own quick diner in the kitchen- and reheat later, so you are still together.

Put a jar of spices on the table to add seasoning to the family meal for your husband 😂

Working full time doesn't stop anyone from cooking! At the very least at the weekend.

My Husband also likes a drink of tea made with milk and Cardamon in which is a faff to make and he has a few times a day. He also has a milkshake which contains banana and nuts in the morning.
complete non-issue, he does it himself and clean after himself.

They're both quite fussy and don't like a lot of food which can be batch cooked
too bad

They both like an omlette for breakfast.
so. Husband makes them, or you cook one once or twice a week, they can have something else the other days.

Even if you were a SAHM, you are not a slave. You are in a partnership, and you don't have to spend your life in the kitchen!

Also- you set the times that people eat. If they get grouchy about it then tough titties for them. They wait, or they eat cold food. Stop making different meals and serving these ungrateful guys at different times.

I get that you work less than him and make up for that with other responsibilities, this works for some families (as long as there is mutual respect)

but it doesn't sound like there is. I think it's perfectly fine to be responsible for all the meals for your husband who works full-time.

But the son? There's no need for that if he is old enough to get his own food. Also the tea? That's just silly, he can make his own tea. It sounds like you work full-time in a kitchen.

I think it's fair that he is responsible for himself each and every day working from home, and you do the dinner and that's it.

If he doesn't find it reasonable then there's no respect on his part and that means you're not in a harmonious homemaker situation, you're in an abuse situation.

Most concerned here that your DH is setting a v bad example for his son here.

Time for your DS to start taking responsibility for his own breakfast (and water!)

Dinnerwise - batch cook and freeze, microwave it, and start working on your DS to like spicier stuff. If it's something like curry, I like it spicy, so I make it fairly spicy, then whack a massive dollop of creme fraiche in DS1's (who's not into spicy) to tone it down, and DS2 has whatever the meat was taken out before I add the spice paste (yeah, I do have to muck about with the order I cook things) or separately cooked (on the defrost a batch cooked day)

BUT. Fundamentally, you need to get them to pull their weight.

At the weekend, the 10 year old can learn to cook with daddy. 10 is a bit young to expect them to safely be in charge of their own meal, but he can start to learn how to make an omlette.

On a side note, eggs for breakfast is genuinely better than the rubbish most kids are fed, cereals or "yogurts' full of sugar, so even if your husband does sound like a lazy arse, it's good food for your children.

You have to ask if this is normal ? No it most certainly isn't

I’m Indian. What you’ve described is something I do everyday.

1. The milkshake would take 2s. Just have the ingredients ready in the fridge.
2. Tea with milk with cardomom - again this shouldn’t take more than 5mins for 1 person.
3. Eldest and father have the same meals but at the end of the cooking process you make husband’s spicer. I guess he’s Indian in which case you can add a tarka at the end. Indian meals are designed to be ‘fast food’ and even when you make rotis / rice / dal everyday it shouldn’t take longer than 30-45 mins. Get a pressure cooker.
4. Husband and child do washing up. Everyday. No excuses. If they can’t then you should stop cooking for them.

Eh?!?

This is ridiculous.

No is the word you need to use op.

No to your husband.

No to filling your sons water up.

I have absolutely no idea why youve put a smily face after 'unless I tell them to get their own food' in your op. Of course that's what they should be doing.

I would make the 10 year old one decent meal a day - and in fact it's what I did with my own dds from around that age till now, teenagers, - the rest they get themselves.

Seriously, just stop!!

Who made you the maid, chef and general dogsbody??

Sit them both down and say things are changing.

Wow

I’m sure in her husband’s culture 10 year old girls would be expected to cook all of the dishes alongside mum. It’s only boys that get a pass

You're raising a misogynist who will think women exist to serve him.

Is DH Asian? Are you? I am Asian born and I think you're doing far too much.

I do cook more than DH, but just one meal a day, and DH does the bathrooms and other cleaning so it evens out.

I can't believe you make him cardamom tea several times a day that takes time.

You need to stop being their maid, OP.