Exhausted feeding my family

[winterrrain]

It's not even a large family.

2 children and two adults. My Husband, my son aged 10 and my youngest aged 2.

My eldest and husband eat three cooked meals a day. Every day. They also expect a plate of fruit and a plate of salad to be out in the evening to snack on.

They all eat at different times and won't eat the same food. My Husband only eats his own country's cuisine and my Son doesn't like spicy food.

They reject any ready meals or processed food (I guess in a way that's good but he odd cheat meal I'd like as a break).

My Husband also likes a drink of tea made with milk and Cardamon in which is a faff to make and he has a few times a day. He also has a milkshake which contains banana and nuts in the morning.

My Eldest has a hot chocolate in the evening and water throughout the day but brings me the glass each time to refill as he will only drink it with ice and lemon in which he apparently can't make himself 🙄

They're both quite fussy and don't like a lot of food which can be batch cooked but my Son will eat spaghetti bolognese and shepherds pie but only the meat can be frozen he won't eat the mash if it's been frozen and he can easily tell.

I'm spending all day cooking and cleaning up after the family.

I work three days a week from home. Husband works full time from home.

My Eldest has a cooked meal at school.

They both like an omlette for breakfast. No toast and butter or cereal for these two 🙄

They have hot meals for every meal of the day.

Since I had my youngest I'm struggling with energy to do it all to be honest.

AIBU?

I don't think there's a solution unless I tell them to get their own food 😂 But wanted to know I'm not being unreasonable.
Any tips to make things a little easier?
Any batch cooking recipies I could think of?

Listen to pp.
It's not the food. You don't need meal suggestions. You need to change the way things are with your husband and son.

I don’t understand the whole ‘British food is bland’ thing. I can only think of a handful of genuinely British meals and imagine most people eat a diet of meals from all over the world these days. My own kids are having Italian tonight (tortilla pizzas), Chinese tomo (homemade fried rice), Mexican Wednesday (veggie chilli & tortillas), none of which are bland in any way! I think maybe some people don’t season their food well enough, but you sound like a great cook so I’m imagining you season plenty and your husband is just being an arse!

Fancy starting it in the first place. Now it’s expected.

This is a bit mad op. You have a toddler and you work. This constant cooking and providing drinks is not sustainable.
My 10 yr old makes their own eggs for breakfast. My older dc have been making breakfasts since they were that age too. They also make their own hot chocolate and lunches.
I make dinner every day and I'll usually pop some toast on in the mornings as I'm in the kitchen pottering anyway. Dinner is one meal that I know everyone will eat, even if it's somewhat grudgingly because that's what they'll get! Hopefully they'll get something they like better the next day. That's how it works in families.
I hate it when I hear that mum is running herself ragged looking after anyone and no one looks after her or has any consideration. You may as well be a robot maid.

They don't seem to care that you are exhausted. This would make me not care one bit whether they like the food on offer.

I do all the cooking in our house. It's take it or leave it.

Madness.

A 10 year old can easily make an omelette or other simple breakfast and lunches like sandwiches. He's being like this because he sees his dad doing the same. It's fine for you and your h to eat later (I assume that you eat the same thing) but if you don't change things now you risk your youngest doing the same and cooking 3 different cooked meals every day.

Maybe the 10 year old sits at the table with some chopped fruit when you and your h eat? He can chop his own fruit very easily.

You must know this isn’t normal. The parents of your children’s friends won’t be doing this. I can’t remember the last time I got my 6yo a drink of water, let alone my 10yo!

Just make a meal, sometimes spicy, sometimes not, at 7. If they don’t want it, fine. If your son is hungry before tell him to have an apple. If he’s thirsty tell
him to get a drink.Tell your husband to make his own tea.

You don’t like being treated like this. But if you continue to allow it, your son will treat his wife the same way one day.

How old is your son? Making his glass of water the way he likes is ludicrous.

If he’s old enough get him batch slicing lemons and freezing them (put slices between clingfilm to freeze then put them together in a bag once frozen.

Your husband needs to be making his own drinks everytime!

Both need to become more self sufficient, everyone making their own breakfast is normal, and your husband absolutely needs to be taking a turn cooking.

Don't accept the "it's cultural" card. You can see the culture around you, and on this forum. You ARE part of this Western culture, and you are raising your boy to become a modern, more happy man.

It's not possible to revolution your house overnight and transform your husband into a new person at the click of a finger, but you can take small steps. Life is too short to be miserable, your husband owes you respect, and that means help when you need it.

Sorry but your son giving his cup to you to refill with water is crazy, he’s going to grow up expecting his wife to do the same, you need to set the standard now. You are only being treated this way because you allow it, stop pandering to your son and husband.

I am presuming the op's husband (and op?) Come from a culture where it is the women's job to provide for the men?

I personally wouldn't do it, I think the idea is appalling but I presume the op has agreed to all this?

Sorry i see you said your son is 10, please stop waiting on him or he’ll be a terrible housemate/partner. What happens for his drinks when he goes to friends houses?

Nope nope nope. With knobs on.
I will cook one meal a day, i work weekends so DH cooks then. If people don’t like it, they go without or make themselves a sandwich.
Breakfast is get your own.
I will make dd a sandwich or something on toast for lunch. And I will make DH a sandwich IF I am making one for me.

Don't be a slave. You owe your future daughter/son in law a capable, domestically skilled future partner. And your DH can cook his own food if it differs from what you’re making

Any batch cooking recipies I could think of?

I hope you'll stop being their maid, but in the meantime, lasagnes, parmigianas, pies, curries etc all freeze well.

I cook for my elderly mum too who can't eat spice. So I'll fry onions, garlic, ginger and tomatoes and mild spices. And then I'll transfer some to a separate smaller saucepan and cook the meat or veg in that for my mum, whilst the main pot gets more spices like chilli powder.

That way you are only cooking one dish, but in two pots.

You could GET YOUR TEN YEAR OLD TO prep the fillings in advance (a Tupperware of chopped mushrooms / ham / grated cheese etc in fridge so mornings are a bit easier).

You sound great and your family's diet sound delicious, but it also sounds like a luxury that really wealthy people with live in cooks have, and those cooks are employed to only deliver food. As you have a job for 3 days a week, and presumably have to do the rest of the childcare and housekeeping, your family are completely unrealistic to suggest that this can be maintained.

Just the thought of being interrupted for a drink while I'm
getting on with washing / cleaning etc makes me irritated.

I think in your situation, I would ask them to deal with their
own drinks and snacks. Fruit can be bunged in a bowl and they can prepare it
themselves if they want it. And then in the evening, one meal that ideally can
be tailored to suit multiple tastes e.g. a curry than can be cooled down with
yoghurt, grilled meats and salad that can be made more exciting with sauces. Also
start to teach your 10 year old to cook. It’s a life skill and can help expand
children's pallets. Also maybe your husband would be willing to put up with a bland meal now and then in order to be supportive to your DS!

Ach that wasn't supposed to be struck through. The big kid could prep stuff for the omelette, is what I meant.

I slice up lemon and freeze them between sheets of parchment paper and put them in a freezer bag ready to use. We also have ice on tap but seriously a 10 year old can get ice from the freezer. Maybe get him to think about how he can achieve this (and maybe show him the countless videos on YouTube of young children probably around the age of 8 cooking a full meal over an open fire)

He is 10, he can get himself drinks and food.

Because every disempowered woman who is being treated like shit by a man for "cultural" reasons has agreed to it?? Wise up.

When your son comes to you and says he can’t make the drink himself, you show him how to and then next time when he says the same you say “that’s a shame, because I did teach you how to make it that way”.

And don’t make it again.

Your family are acting like this and treating you like a maid because you’re allowing them to.

Your eldest has obviously grown up with you doing everything for them so it’ll be hard to correct now. Don’t make the same mistake with your youngest.

Stop enabling this.

Your son is going to grow up to believe this is how you should treat women. Do you want that?

They can make do with toast or cereal for breakfast and have a cooked breakfast at the weekend which your husband does.

Have your son make himself a sandwich when he gets home from school and then all eat dinner together.

Do you want your little boy to turn out like his father? My DM served the men in her household. My DB is 34, never moved out, never done a chore in his life and couldn't make a single thing for himself. I think she has failed him.

I'm very strict with my DC that they don't end up the same. We have dinner at 5pm because we like it then, if DH can't make it down for then he reheats it or has it cold. We have one home cooked meal a day, DH makes his lunch even though we are both at home. We do the meal plan together but not everyone will like every meal every night, we are a family of four and sometimes we compromise. DH likes a particular spicy meal so maybe once a week he makes that while we all have fish which he dislikes and he does his dishes. DS1 is 6 and he isn't a fan of melted cheese which is a bit tricky at times, I try to leave cheese off his section or he can make his own ham sandwich if its fully covered.

DS6 has the responsibility of keeping his playroom tidy and hoovered and emptying the dishwasher every day. He can fetch all his own snacks and make toast for himself. DS3 helps me with the things I do but gets given individual tasks he can manage like putting his shoes away.

I wouldn't have time to do anything else if I had to cook three meals a day for DH and I, let alone the DC when they lived at home. Your DS needs to start learning to cook and at his age I was definitely making my own sandwiches and drinks - and was making teas and coffees for my parents too. He should make the cardamon tea for your DH.

You asked for ideas about food:

I made quesadillas for breakfast, sandwich grated cheese, and sweetcorn and/or chopped peppers, cooked mushrooms, bacon, or cooked chicken between two tortillas and microwave until the cheese has melted (about 40 seconds)
I do a lot of home made vegetable soups, dahl, or black bean soup and freeze them. They make hot lunches for the Winter time. Your DH could mix cayenne or Sriracha into his to make them spicy.

Curry sauces freeze extremely well. I would make a bunch and freeze them in ice cube trays. You could then cook plain meat and vegetables for your DS, but then add the curry sauce cubes to yours and your DH's.

I am sorry to say I buy the Aldi Thai Green Curry and Red Curry kits and they are excellent and quick. Again you can cook the vegetables for your DS but add the sauce to yours and your DH's.

I make vegetable fajitas and they don't take long at all, again your DS can have the vegetables plain but you add the spices to yours and your DH's.

Dear God I'm exhausted just reading that.

It sounds like you've been brainwashed, seriously. Life is too short.

You created this monster, now it's time to kill it soundly.

Tricky one OP, especially if you have to set boundaries after a long time of not sending boundaries!

I would start with small changes and build up.

No more tea making for DH - he can do that himself
No more water refilling for DS - he can do that himself
When DS gets in from school, he can have a snack and have dinner at around 6pm. Can you do a non-spicy version of the main meal for him so that you're not cooking twice?

As for breakfast, you're off duty! If they want eggs, they can make eggs. Otherwise it's DIY toast/cereal/oats etc just like most other families do.