Exhausted feeding my family

[winterrrain]

It's not even a large family.

2 children and two adults. My Husband, my son aged 10 and my youngest aged 2.

My eldest and husband eat three cooked meals a day. Every day. They also expect a plate of fruit and a plate of salad to be out in the evening to snack on.

They all eat at different times and won't eat the same food. My Husband only eats his own country's cuisine and my Son doesn't like spicy food.

They reject any ready meals or processed food (I guess in a way that's good but he odd cheat meal I'd like as a break).

My Husband also likes a drink of tea made with milk and Cardamon in which is a faff to make and he has a few times a day. He also has a milkshake which contains banana and nuts in the morning.

My Eldest has a hot chocolate in the evening and water throughout the day but brings me the glass each time to refill as he will only drink it with ice and lemon in which he apparently can't make himself 🙄

They're both quite fussy and don't like a lot of food which can be batch cooked but my Son will eat spaghetti bolognese and shepherds pie but only the meat can be frozen he won't eat the mash if it's been frozen and he can easily tell.

I'm spending all day cooking and cleaning up after the family.

I work three days a week from home. Husband works full time from home.

My Eldest has a cooked meal at school.

They both like an omlette for breakfast. No toast and butter or cereal for these two 🙄

They have hot meals for every meal of the day.

Since I had my youngest I'm struggling with energy to do it all to be honest.

AIBU?

I don't think there's a solution unless I tell them to get their own food 😂 But wanted to know I'm not being unreasonable.
Any tips to make things a little easier?
Any batch cooking recipies I could think of?

An omlette is a veey healthy breakfast, much better than cereal, that being said unless there's a massive drip feed why cant your husband cook that? Or even teach your 10 year old, cooking is a great life lesson? I think having veg/sald at every meal is great but surely it could be a bag of salad or ready prepped chopped carrots etc. Again get the 10 year old to chop some cucumber etc. But there's no need for 2 main meals to be cooked. If thats what your husband wants he can cook his own.

Of course most 10 year olds can cook scrambled eggs on a hob. How do you think 11 year olds have food tech lessons in secondary without a hob or oven?

@dazdaz2

do you have time to do anything else besides work and cook?

I grew up with 3 cooked meals a day and lunch dinner usually with multiple dishes, it is normal in my country. I think your problem isnt how many cooked meals, its more of the different requirements and different times.

When my kids get home from school they usually get some fruit and a snack so that they can wait to have dinner with us at 6.30ish. I wouldnt offer dinner at 4pm. To us i is important to sit down as a family to have a proper meal. I can understand why your husband doesnt enjoy british food much, but in this case he should be the one preparing meals. If he is too busy working he could prepare it the night before. If you are the one cooking, then he should just eat whatever you cook or he doesnt eat.

I usually cook 2 meals a day, even when kids are at school. DH is working from home full time, I actually enjoy cooking lunch because we can eat as spicy as we like without the kids. However my hubby is very easy going and would eat anything I cook, this makes my life much easier. If he were picky, I'd let him sort his own food out.

It's not that I don't think a 10 year old can cook it's that a smelly egg pan would be left all day and they would all give up. All I can tell you is when my step sons came to live with us they were very lazy and thought Id do everything. I got an omlette maker, a toastier maker, and a slow cooker. And that's what they mostly eat now and cook for themselves. I do the slow cooker meal and use cooker liners. Of they want something different they can make a tooastie or put something in the oven.

A smelly egg pan?!

There are people who care about smelly egg pans??

It's not that I don't think a 10 year old can cook it's that a smelly egg pan would be left all day and they would all give up.

You know that despite having a penis, boys and men are capable of washing up the pots and pans they cook with? Amazing isn't it. No need for 'smelly egg pans' if they simply finish the job.

What cooking does your h do? What housework?

Please don't tell me you do it all.

I'd say you were cooking one meal every day. The rest is cold/people help themselves. Good life skills.

@winterrrain

i think you should just carry on as you are OP!

Enjoy!

I've always felt if I choose to work that can't impact my ability to do housework.

That's your mistake. You and your h have equal say in your marriage and what happens. If you choose to work, he has to step up.

Didn't you talk about your roles and expectations before having kids?

@R2G

why would a smelly egg pan be left out? Why can’t they clean it up themselves?

This is outrageous!! Tell them to make their own bloody food!!! I'm angry for you!!

Is this serious?

DH can cook his own food unless he can eat what you and DC are eating. Or maybe he can cook for you?

You sound like a serving wench.

My 9 year old makes her own breakfast for her and her younger sibling if I'm running late. She can cook scrambled egg on toast etc she helps to cook evening meals too. This would be the same if she was a boy, a son, because it's life skills I'm teaching.

When my kids tell me they're thirsty, they get told to go and make a drink. I'm their mother, not their skivvy.

I agree with this.
It's quite insulting to insinuate that this is what's expected from Pakistani households. Maybe it was more common in the past, but it's not like this anymore and especially not where both partners are working.

Are their legs painted on?

gosh, sounds like my household. I'm pretty 'fussy' too with what I eat so that compounds the issue. The fruit salad, the veg salad, all need to be there along with 3 cooked meals. And I just can't have batch-cooked food. My family helps somewhat, but DD has decided to go Vegan, DS has wheat and nut allergies. DH basically has what ever given. And I'm a stickler for nothing processed, all made from scratch so much so that we don't even use tomato sauce. And I work full time. So its all quite busy and I'm exhausted. didn't realise others don't do the same.

So why do you say you 'don't even use' jarred tomato sauce if you think everyone is making their own? You also have no friends/colleagues to compare notes with? Or does everyone you work with bring in a grain mill and butter churner to make their lunch 😂

Well maybe stop raising your son to believe women exist to skivvy for him like second class citizens, as your misogynist husband seems to believe.
Beyond ridiculous.

OP said she did this herself, she’s just as at fault for raising a boy to believe women are second class skivvys as her husband is.

You are to be pitied that this is your life and that you have allowed it to happen.

You are no more than a skivvy to them all.

I'd be gone, without the children.

He could have them, and cook for them🙄.

I cannot believe there are women here living these lives 🤯

Cooking should be shared equally between you. And they have to be accepting of other foods. It won’t kill them.
and every week without fail you have to have a day off from the kitchen.

I have only read your first post and cannot believe what a slave you are to them 😐

WTAF have I just read. You WORK and have a two year old. You are not running a restaurant.

Just say no. If you want to, I’d say you’ll cook one hot meal a night - if you wish to do so - and that’s it. You will make your older child a spoilt brat and a nightmare for a future partner. Your DH needs to cook half the meals - so if he wants a hot lunch he can cook it, or share cooking dinners.

Your DS needs to eat sandwiches or something simple for lunch or go without. At his age he should be able to make breakfast and lunch.

I’m absolutely staggered that you’ve enabled this behaviour and indulged your man-child DH for so long.

My DS also prefers a hot meal - so we have one every evening, but in summer it’s a barbecue or something simple like poached fish, potatoes and veg. Lunches are sandwiches, fruit and yoghurt, or a quick bowl of pasta - but not two full on from scratch hot meals. Madness.

Teach your DS to cook with you- make it fun. And I really don’t agree you need to do all cooking/house work because you chose to work. Your DH has to step up, otherwise you will make a future daughter in law’s life miserable with your demanding son.

It’s normal for children to be hungry after school, that’s why most families do snacks then, and years ago many families would have “tea” then - sandwiches, crumpets, egg and toast, a cup of tea and/or slice of cake. When DS gets in from school offer him tea and toast or crumpets etc to keep him going, then say to DH you’d like to start eating dinner as a family, can he break off from work at 6.30pm?

But I’d also tell DH he needs to cook at least twice a week. And no more multiple meals. If DS doesn’t like curry fry his meat separately in a pan, but keep the rest the same.

@winterrrain

well in that case you just crack on then Op! Get cooking!

Can't 10yo have a snack to last him till 7??

This is all sounds potty to me... Husband is surely capable of getting his own milkshake / special cardamom tea...??? Eldest child capable of getting his own drinks and snacks? Husband could even make the omelettes for breakfast if they insist on not eating cereal etc?!

Also the biggest one for me is not cooking different stuff for every person... No way that's happening here. I make one dinner every night and everyone eats that or goes hungry / survives with a banana and a slice of bread.