Exhausted feeding my family

[winterrrain]

It's not even a large family.

2 children and two adults. My Husband, my son aged 10 and my youngest aged 2.

My eldest and husband eat three cooked meals a day. Every day. They also expect a plate of fruit and a plate of salad to be out in the evening to snack on.

They all eat at different times and won't eat the same food. My Husband only eats his own country's cuisine and my Son doesn't like spicy food.

They reject any ready meals or processed food (I guess in a way that's good but he odd cheat meal I'd like as a break).

My Husband also likes a drink of tea made with milk and Cardamon in which is a faff to make and he has a few times a day. He also has a milkshake which contains banana and nuts in the morning.

My Eldest has a hot chocolate in the evening and water throughout the day but brings me the glass each time to refill as he will only drink it with ice and lemon in which he apparently can't make himself 🙄

They're both quite fussy and don't like a lot of food which can be batch cooked but my Son will eat spaghetti bolognese and shepherds pie but only the meat can be frozen he won't eat the mash if it's been frozen and he can easily tell.

I'm spending all day cooking and cleaning up after the family.

I work three days a week from home. Husband works full time from home.

My Eldest has a cooked meal at school.

They both like an omlette for breakfast. No toast and butter or cereal for these two 🙄

They have hot meals for every meal of the day.

Since I had my youngest I'm struggling with energy to do it all to be honest.

AIBU?

I don't think there's a solution unless I tell them to get their own food 😂 But wanted to know I'm not being unreasonable.
Any tips to make things a little easier?
Any batch cooking recipies I could think of?

I'm guessing OP's DH is Asian due to the reference to cardamom tea and no, I don't think she would have signed up to the level of 'service' DH expects from her and now her son. She may have signed up to be SAHM or even SAHW but this level of waiting on hand foot is on a level I have never seen even in my mum and aunts and other female relatives who were born in SE Asia and were SAHMs.

You've pandered to them far too much. DH would be cooking his own meals if he wants different. As for DS at 10 he should be capable of getting his own water and preparing his own snacks.

Are you and husband from and brought up in an Asian country? I ask as this may be more common there. (I'm from Asia myself)

A lot of men feel entitled to get whatever they want from their wives - that's why there there. (I'm being sarcastic) Sons too, they copy their dads.

I have a friend also from Asia whose husband doesn't eat meat, a son who doesn't eat fish and daughter everything in between so she's constantly having to cook to please everybody in the family. It's a situation that is difficult to get out of once you're in it.

I cook for the whole family and everyone eats what they're given. DD used to dislike vegetables but now has no problem because that's what's expected in our house.

Kids come home hungry so they get a snack of some sort and eat at 6-7 when we can all eat together.

You'll have to sit down with your husband and have a serious discussion to save your sanity. It's not that they're "making" you do these things, you are "letting them happen".

Absolutely not! One cooked meal a day and the odd weekend cooked brunch is normal.
your not their personal chef and housekeeper just stop it they don’t like it they will soon learn to do it myself.
for example my DH made his own smoothie before work,DD had toast made by herself before school.
I did make my DS a cooked breakfast full English but it was a treat as he’s been working so hard and for final exams this week and he was so grateful.
your enabling them and making your children spoilt brats

Husband cooks breakfast for himself and 10 year old and cleans up. He also makes his milkshake and all of his drinks. He can get his own lunch.

Your 10 year old needs to get his own water.

You can batch cook the Bolognese or Sheppard's pie for your son and use instant mash or you could do a hotpot type topping by just slicing potatoes (leave the skin on) and brush the top with butter before putting in the oven.

Your husband needs to cook a couple of times a week.

You need to stop trying to find ways to meet their unsustainable demands.

I cant quite believe what I've just read tbh..

How is that fair? Doesn't seem like there's any respect at all. My partner would never expect that from me and would never let me son treat me like that either.

I feel like half the problem is you've let them live like this for so long this that they think this is 'normal' you must be absolutely exhausted.

I feel for you, I hope you can find the strength to make some changes.

I saw your messages asking if my Husband is Asian. He's Pakistani.
Curry is actually so convenient to make. Cheap, can be made in huge portions, batch cooked, frozen. One gravy can be used for many different curries.
Husband is happy with a basic curry gravy and then I will add chicken, beef, lamb to different pots.
It's fab!
The children won't eat the curry although I'm working on the youngest liking it too as I also like curry.

Eldest likes daal and that's it.

Tell him to cook it then. He sounds like an absolute child.

@winterrrain When my DC went to university there were several boys there who had been raised in a similar way to your DS. They didn’t know how to cook, clean or do their own laundry for themselves. One of them left a pizza in the food cupboard because they didn’t know it needed to be kept in the fridge. Another had never used a washing machine or hoover.

Honestly, I would be embarrassed to have a 10 year old who couldn’t get their own drink for themselves (unless there’s a disability involved). Don’t let your 10 year old be a hopeless adult who needs Mummy to do everything for him. Tell your husband that your DS needs a good male role model so he needs to start doing more for himself.

Sounds like you're raising a misogynist. Any future potential wife would send him back.

I'd stop this now before your children think it's the norm, they'll struggle to find a servant as a partner generally (I don't mean it rudely but that would be the expectation from them if they keep seeing it at home)

Not sure. Seasoned and flavoured food doesn't mean spicy. If you are too used of a heavily spicy diet, everything else will taste pretty bland after awhile.

Doesn't stop the husband to add spices to his plate.

Bloody hell! Here’s what I would do:

Keep a bag of sliced lemon and a bag of ice in an easy to grab place in the freezer and show your son where to find it.

Your son gets a snack when he gets home from school then you all eat together at 5.30/6ish.

Your husband doesn’t like what you’ve made because it’s too bland? Fine. He can cook for himself. He can also make all his own drinks.

You’ve served up some cottage pie and your son won’t eat the mash? Fine. There is plenty of mince and veg if he’s not hungry enough to need the mash.

They can have scrambled eggs on toast as an easier alternative to omlette. No? Well they know where the cereal and toast are. They won’t starve.

OP - I'm assuming your DH is Indian. I married an Indian man too (I'm white British) so I completely understand the cultural differences and strict gender roles. My DH is not only the only male in his family but has 5 older sisters! You can imagine that he'd never been allowed to lift a finger in the house and was always very well looked after by his mum and sisters. He too was provided with 3 cooked meals a day. Chai on demand and everything taken care of domestically.
However, when my DH moved to the UK and married me he, of course, realised that he couldn't expect the same treatment from me. Yes I suppose I have adopted the typical "wife role". I do the cooking and work part time while he has a full time job. BUT he realises I simply cannot cook him 3 meals a day as well as working, cleaning, shopping, laundry, life admin, child care etc etc. It's simply too much! So we have a cleaner, he sorts out his own breakfast, lunch, drinks and snacks (and makes them for us too), he takes the children out a lot. I really think you're doing everything simply because you're a woman and your husband's expectations of you are completely unrealistic. I expect you're doing most of the housework and childcare too. If you were in India you'd have a maid to ease your burden. Your DH needs to realise that he should step up.

The solution isn't to find ways to simplify all this cooking.
The solution is to stop being treated like a servant.
How will your children survive away from home/maintain a relationship with a woman who won't be treated like a maid?

This is absolute madness OP. Just ran your situation past a couple of family members who also prefer their own countries spicy food and they are both stunned at how stubborn your DH and ds are. (Either that or I have just given them ideas) Just tell them they are a family and have to compromise!

If this was a hotel and they were asking for this level of service it would cost them a fortune and even then I think the staff would think they are taking the p*SS.

Would eldest not handle a snack when he gets in and then waiting until 7pm for dinner? Or compromise and have it at 6.

The ice and lemon in the water that can be sacked of immediately. It's not like your running a flash restaurant.

And the hot breakfast every day.

Your also not a 100% stay at home mum - your working over half the hours your DH does so he can cook at least a couple of times a week.

This has to be a joke. No one in their right mind is doing all that.

Pakistani but same culture really. All used to be the same country

Honestly it’s not normal, and it’s a terrible way for your children to grow up, expecting someone to do everything for them and not having their own resources to make simply dishes and look after themselves.

At 10 years, I would expect them to be able to easily make own omlette for breakfast, own hot chocolate in microwave, get own snacks and water, and make a sandwich or warm soup for lunch.

Do they have arms and hands?

Thing is I chose to work as I wanted my own financial independence.
There's no expectation for me to work so I've always felt if I choose to work that can't impact my ability to do housework.

Is your husband Indian? Mine is, and this sounds pretty normal for an Indian family. (Although my husband doesn’t expect this and we share all cooking, it’s totally normal for the other women in his family to spend the whole day cooking hot meals and making drinks and snacks so the men don’t have to lift a finger! If my husband was like this, I’d never have married him!

Are you not concerned about the fact you're raising your son to be sexist at best and more likely to be misogynist who feels entitled to expect women to service him?

Seriously?! You are not their scullery maid.

Your husband can make his own bloody cups of tea.

No disability.