Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to stay at his parents for the week?

170 replies

ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 09:42

I'm not sure who is being unreasonable here.. happy to be corrected if I am, this has caused some contention in the house this morning 😅

Partner has come down with a stinking cold. Probably self inflicted for buggering off camping this weekend, while I stayed home cleaning like a good little house maid as usual. (So yes a little resentment there haha)

Anyway, he's come down with a stinking could and is spluttering everywhere, sneezing, a giant hot mess. I am going to be the maid of honour at my best friends wedding in like 4-5 days time. My immune system is also rather crap. I can't be in a wedding party with eyes streaming and good knows what else.. or even worse pass it to the bride! I've got a speech to do, I'm walking down the aisle first etc so I can notttt get ill this week and have done so much for this wedding!

His parents live around the corner. They aren't vulnerable or particularly old. They're healthy, his mum enjoys fussing over him anyway so he'd get treated like a prince! Am I unreasonable to ask him to go there for a few days so I don't catch this and mess up everything at the wedding?

It's going to be harder for me to relocate, I have a very important work presentation to do this week with external clients (wfh) and need a desk with 2 screens and any options I have wouldn't have a proper work space, or probably much peace and quiet. Bride has said I can stay with her but then I will struggle to concentrate from a work perspective, it's also miles away so I'll need to be travelling back every other day for personal training sessions, visiting a sick relative etc. so it's just not as practical.

My partner is still working (also from home) so it's not like he's super poorly and unable to just push through. His response was he doesn't want to make people ill by going there. If it was any other week I wouldn't be asking, but in this circumstance am I being unreasonable? He doesn't seem worried if I get ill and then the bride & co do when I stay there the night before the wedding. But doesn't want his parents to catch it when they're both fit and healthy and have nothing happening this weekend.

AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 12/06/2023 09:45

ask him to try to use tissues, wash his hands and not to splutter everywhere
its a cold - I don’t tho k it merits being sent away for a week!!
use anti bac and keep your distance and I’m sure you’ll be ok
Not sure why he’d catch a cold from camping

determinedtomakethiswork · 12/06/2023 09:48

I think he should go there. It would be really horrible to give everyone a cold at a wedding.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 12/06/2023 09:51

Why should his parents have to put him with him coughing and sneezing all over the place? Just because they're young and healthy, doesn't mean they want a cold 😬

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:02

rubyslippers · 12/06/2023 09:45

ask him to try to use tissues, wash his hands and not to splutter everywhere
its a cold - I don’t tho k it merits being sent away for a week!!
use anti bac and keep your distance and I’m sure you’ll be ok
Not sure why he’d catch a cold from camping

It's not the cold meriting him being sent away. It's the fact it could impact me which then impacts the wedding if I'm a horrible mess at the top table, in all the pics etc

If the wedding wasn't happening I of course wouldn't be asking him to go and would just be expecting to catch it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:03

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 12/06/2023 09:51

Why should his parents have to put him with him coughing and sneezing all over the place? Just because they're young and healthy, doesn't mean they want a cold 😬

Maybe not to ruin someone's wedding?

I wouldn't even be contemplating it otherwise. But if the situation was reversed I'd let someone and their germs come and stay if they had the same issue.

OP posts:
BoxOfCats · 12/06/2023 10:04

Why don't you go and stay with his parents, then no one has to catch it?

Mintyt · 12/06/2023 10:06

I wouldn't want my son to come here to be poorly, and if I was poorly I would want to be in my own home

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 12/06/2023 10:06

ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:03

Maybe not to ruin someone's wedding?

I wouldn't even be contemplating it otherwise. But if the situation was reversed I'd let someone and their germs come and stay if they had the same issue.

Show quote history

But you have the option to go and stay with the bride. Or you could go and stay with his parents and not spread it around.

Being honest, I'd be really pissed off if DH tried to kick me out of my house because I had a cold - wedding or no wedding.

Dotcheck · 12/06/2023 10:10

OP- you’re coming across as ‘I’m very very important, and can’t be inconvenienced’.

Yes you would be unreasonable to kick your partner out of his home.
He went camping, but that doesn’t mean it is ‘self inflicted’.

Take some vitamin C, and get lots of sleep this week- you’ll be fine
🤷‍♀️

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:11

OK that's fine, everyone can have their opinion.

This isn't about me. I've made that very clear. I don't care about catching the cold as I catch everything. I'm not sure why I'm coming across entitled. This is about my best friend and not wanting to ruin HER day. I couldn't care less about myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:12

I just honestly thought I wouldn't be alone in not wanting to make a bride sick for her own wedding. Thanks everyone

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 12/06/2023 10:13

How did camping make him get a cold?

NBLarsen · 12/06/2023 10:14

I actually do think it's a reasonable suggestion. You are not punishing him or banishing him, just asking him to stay around the corner with his parents (presumably they all get on well) for a few days. When I have a cold I do my best to keep a distance from people to avoid passing it on.

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:14

TheShellBeach · 12/06/2023 10:13

How did camping make him get a cold?

Because I've seen their hygiene levels camping most likely. Or maybe it didn't, that part is kinda irrelevant.

OP posts:
Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:16

NBLarsen · 12/06/2023 10:14

I actually do think it's a reasonable suggestion. You are not punishing him or banishing him, just asking him to stay around the corner with his parents (presumably they all get on well) for a few days. When I have a cold I do my best to keep a distance from people to avoid passing it on.

Yes this. That's exactly my point, I've not been some cold uncaring selfish person like people seem to be suggesting. I have a lot on my plate work wise otherwise I'd go no questions asked. But this is a very important week for my career with a wedding at the end of it so I think it would just be better for everyone if he could go there. He does get on well with them, as do I. I would have gone there if I didn't have to give this presentation as I'm sure people can relate to needing multiple screens for that type of thing,

OP posts:
GodspeedJune · 12/06/2023 10:16

Yanbu. It would be really horrible if the bride and groom caught it from you to take away on their honeymoon with them. For something as special as a wedding, it would be nice if he kept his distance so you don’t catch it.

Wildandwonderful · 12/06/2023 10:17

It's probably too late now, chances are you have already caught it if you have slept together for a night.

HomeB · 12/06/2023 10:17

Just tell him to hole up in the spare room, wash his hands, use tissues. Surely we are all well versed in this by now?!

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 12/06/2023 10:17

You are being reasonable to ask, you become unreasonable when you refuse to accept him saying no.

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:17

GodspeedJune · 12/06/2023 10:16

Yanbu. It would be really horrible if the bride and groom caught it from you to take away on their honeymoon with them. For something as special as a wedding, it would be nice if he kept his distance so you don’t catch it.

Thanks so much. This is honestly my primary concern. The work thing is stressful for me but my main worry is exactly this.. I know what it's like to be sick on a long haul flight and a holiday, and I can't do that to some of my closest friends for their honeymoon. I'd feel beyond awful.

OP posts:
Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:18

HomeB · 12/06/2023 10:17

Just tell him to hole up in the spare room, wash his hands, use tissues. Surely we are all well versed in this by now?!

We don't have a bed in there at the moment unfortunately. I would have covered the easiest options first if they were possible. We are renovating the room. He slept on the floor last night and I don't want him to have to do that again.

OP posts:
Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:20

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 12/06/2023 10:17

You are being reasonable to ask, you become unreasonable when you refuse to accept him saying no.

I can't refuse anything as it's his house too, but I just wanted to know if anyone could see my point and that in this particular circumstance it's warranted.

Any other scenario I know of course it would be very unreasonable of me. And if I was ill and he wanted me to shift off I wouldn't appreciate it either, but if he was about to be best man I think I'd offer to go at that point.

OP posts:
Tourmalines · 12/06/2023 10:20

Well you’ve already been in the house with him . So it’s a bit late now . I think you are being unreasonable. The lack of hygiene in the camping trip doesn’t cause a virus by the way .

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:22

Tourmalines · 12/06/2023 10:20

Well you’ve already been in the house with him . So it’s a bit late now . I think you are being unreasonable. The lack of hygiene in the camping trip doesn’t cause a virus by the way .

Maybe not but it's like touching things, not washing hands, that's how people catch germs. May or may not have been the trip but either way I'm annoyed at his timing!

And yes that was a joke before people get stroppy.. I know he can't help catching something but it's just damn typical 😅

OP posts:
InSpainTheRain · 12/06/2023 10:22

I think it's a bilit unreasonable to send him to his patents! But not unreasonable to take precautions like hand washing, good hygiene and not sleeping together.

Swipe left for the next trending thread