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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to stay at his parents for the week?

170 replies

ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 09:42

I'm not sure who is being unreasonable here.. happy to be corrected if I am, this has caused some contention in the house this morning 😅

Partner has come down with a stinking cold. Probably self inflicted for buggering off camping this weekend, while I stayed home cleaning like a good little house maid as usual. (So yes a little resentment there haha)

Anyway, he's come down with a stinking could and is spluttering everywhere, sneezing, a giant hot mess. I am going to be the maid of honour at my best friends wedding in like 4-5 days time. My immune system is also rather crap. I can't be in a wedding party with eyes streaming and good knows what else.. or even worse pass it to the bride! I've got a speech to do, I'm walking down the aisle first etc so I can notttt get ill this week and have done so much for this wedding!

His parents live around the corner. They aren't vulnerable or particularly old. They're healthy, his mum enjoys fussing over him anyway so he'd get treated like a prince! Am I unreasonable to ask him to go there for a few days so I don't catch this and mess up everything at the wedding?

It's going to be harder for me to relocate, I have a very important work presentation to do this week with external clients (wfh) and need a desk with 2 screens and any options I have wouldn't have a proper work space, or probably much peace and quiet. Bride has said I can stay with her but then I will struggle to concentrate from a work perspective, it's also miles away so I'll need to be travelling back every other day for personal training sessions, visiting a sick relative etc. so it's just not as practical.

My partner is still working (also from home) so it's not like he's super poorly and unable to just push through. His response was he doesn't want to make people ill by going there. If it was any other week I wouldn't be asking, but in this circumstance am I being unreasonable? He doesn't seem worried if I get ill and then the bride & co do when I stay there the night before the wedding. But doesn't want his parents to catch it when they're both fit and healthy and have nothing happening this weekend.

AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
WetBandits · 12/06/2023 10:44

Why can’t you just sleep on the sofa till the wedding and avoid him in the house? He doesn’t have to move out for the week, it’s ridiculous Confused I’ve had Covid three times whilst living in the same house as DP and he didn’t catch it because we slept separately and stayed out of each other’s way. Tissues and handwashing and you’ll all survive like everyone who has ever survived a cold.

caringcarer · 12/06/2023 10:46

Go and stay with the bride. She will probably love having you there to chat wedding stuff. You don't have to visit sick relative this week. Do a facetime call.

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:48

I didn't make him sleep on the floor not sure how many times I can say that. For some reason he can sleep literally anywhere - he took himself off and did that and it wasn't at my request, it's cos he couldn't get comfortable and the heat probably wasn't helping.

It looks like people can understand both sides of this, I think the people who see my viewpoint have not tried to distort my original post and my sarcastic jokes were taken that way instead of looked at seriously like I was being bratty about it.

I can understand both sides which is why I did want to know what was fair. I just feel a bit torn that I'm either exposing my friends to germs for their wedding (eyes streaming and coughing and sneezing on your wedding day isn't 'just a cold' if you're getting married is it, I doubt many of you would have appreciated this happening at your weddings), but at the same time I know he needs to just be comfy and ill in his own space. That's why it's just shitty timing all round.

I'm fully expecting to get these germs but I'd really like it if they could wait til Sunday, or come now and be gone by Thursday.. so may just have to hope for that instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:49

WetBandits · 12/06/2023 10:44

Why can’t you just sleep on the sofa till the wedding and avoid him in the house? He doesn’t have to move out for the week, it’s ridiculous Confused I’ve had Covid three times whilst living in the same house as DP and he didn’t catch it because we slept separately and stayed out of each other’s way. Tissues and handwashing and you’ll all survive like everyone who has ever survived a cold.

He's given me covid twice doing the same thing so either I'm extremely weak or he's got some power germs cos they always find me

OP posts:
Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:49

caringcarer · 12/06/2023 10:46

Go and stay with the bride. She will probably love having you there to chat wedding stuff. You don't have to visit sick relative this week. Do a facetime call.

I'm thinking about it. Just wish I didn't have this presentation.

OP posts:
SchoolShenanigans · 12/06/2023 10:51

YANBU. I think most people would agree that a once in a lifetime wedding (hopefully!) of a best friend comes before most other things.

If he can reasonably work elsewhere, he should.

TheChosenTwo · 12/06/2023 10:51

It’s just a cold!! Chances are there will be other people at the wedding with minor ailments too, I think you’re putting too much weight to this cold!

Wexone · 12/06/2023 10:51

Sweet lord, i have just recovered from a horrendous cold. It took me two weeks to get over it, still got up to go to work every day though it is WFH. My husband never got it at all. You are being totally unreasonable. Dose up on vitamin c berocca etc, get plenty of rest ( Stress is the biggest killer to immune system) Same to yourself. Plenty of cold and flue medication aswell, by time wedding comes will be well gone

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 12/06/2023 10:52

ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:03

Maybe not to ruin someone's wedding?

I wouldn't even be contemplating it otherwise. But if the situation was reversed I'd let someone and their germs come and stay if they had the same issue.

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In the circs deffo not unreasonable!

Also one of the current cold viruses is vicious - had it a few weeks ago... Was in bed(i never take to my bed!) - thumping headache /aching all over...
A very different type of virus to those where you just have slight sniffles...

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:53

SchoolShenanigans · 12/06/2023 10:51

YANBU. I think most people would agree that a once in a lifetime wedding (hopefully!) of a best friend comes before most other things.

If he can reasonably work elsewhere, he should.

Seems most on this thread don't see it that way. But this is exactly how I see things and why I'm probably coming across a bit 'bridesmaidzilla' to some...

OP posts:
Ryanstartedthefire2 · 12/06/2023 10:53

I think YABU. You can't expect him to move out because of a cold!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2023 10:54

Unfortunately, if he's spluttering and sneezing extravagantly while still there, you may be already brewing his cold; it doesn't take long to spread and the "damage" may be already done

So maybe you could just stock up on paracetomol, decongestants or whatever and power through if it comes to the worst?

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:55

That's just it too, don't know if it's a cold or something worse... his immune system is good, mine is rubbish, the brides is probably worse than mine.. so there's every chance it's mild in him but will be worse in people who it passes on to. If she ends up wiped out for 2 weeks on the honeymoon I'd feel AWFUL and she would know who it came from 😁

OP posts:
Purplesilkpyjamas · 12/06/2023 10:56

Has he done a Covid test?

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:56

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2023 10:54

Unfortunately, if he's spluttering and sneezing extravagantly while still there, you may be already brewing his cold; it doesn't take long to spread and the "damage" may be already done

So maybe you could just stock up on paracetomol, decongestants or whatever and power through if it comes to the worst?

Yeah I get this - I am locked in the tiny box room at the moment trying to figure out the least germy next point of action 😷

When he had covid his mum actually recommended I go lick his tongue so I just got it already and it would be out of my system quicker.... not sure that's wise on this occasion but it did make me laugh 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:57

Purplesilkpyjamas · 12/06/2023 10:56

Has he done a Covid test?

Yep, no covid at least!

OP posts:
Augend23 · 12/06/2023 10:58

Can you take a spare screen with you? It wouldn't be ideal but as he won't go, I'd just pack everything up and go to his parents/wherever. Don't try and manage on a laptop alone but if you have a car it will be annoying but not impossible to take a screen and a keyboard.

Augend23 · 12/06/2023 10:59

Alternatively, find someone else in the meeting, send them the slides and make them present them. Then you go "next slide please" and can still see what's going on in the meeting.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 12/06/2023 10:59

Take vitamin c and zinc and pray… a lot.

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 11:01

Daffodilsandtuplips · 12/06/2023 10:59

Take vitamin c and zinc and pray… a lot.

This made me smile, thank you 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 11:03

Augend23 · 12/06/2023 10:59

Alternatively, find someone else in the meeting, send them the slides and make them present them. Then you go "next slide please" and can still see what's going on in the meeting.

I am thinking of both of these options too. The latter one might be better. But it's just worrying about connectivity and noise and the like, but I'll probably just have to suck it up as it can't be helped.

I did go and apologise to him in case he felt I wasn't being understanding. He said he gets I'm torn and probably getting pressure from the other side so he does understand and doesn't think I'm being unfair. I gave him a bunch of vitamin C to start taking. We are just socially distancing for now while we figure it out. He thinks I am scared of the bride haha

OP posts:
Carrusa · 12/06/2023 11:04

Don't go and stay with the bride. You could already be harbouring the germs. The kindest thing you can do with her is see her as little as possible before the wedding.

I think you and your husband should just quarantine as best you can within the house, including sleeping separately whatever that takes. It's really not fair to pressure him to take it to his parents.

Scalottia · 12/06/2023 11:06

ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 10:14

Because I've seen their hygiene levels camping most likely. Or maybe it didn't, that part is kinda irrelevant.

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Then why mention it?

Zoomycat · 12/06/2023 11:07

Is it definitely a cold and not hey fever? I've never suffered with hey fever until this year and ive got similar symptoms although not quite as extreme.

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 11:08

Zoomycat · 12/06/2023 11:07

Is it definitely a cold and not hey fever? I've never suffered with hey fever until this year and ive got similar symptoms although not quite as extreme.

Yeah he has hayfever anyway and this is 10x worse

OP posts: