To ask him to stay at his parents for the week?

[ErinAndTonic]

I'm not sure who is being unreasonable here.. happy to be corrected if I am, this has caused some contention in the house this morning 😅

Partner has come down with a stinking cold. Probably self inflicted for buggering off camping this weekend, while I stayed home cleaning like a good little house maid as usual. (So yes a little resentment there haha)

Anyway, he's come down with a stinking could and is spluttering everywhere, sneezing, a giant hot mess. I am going to be the maid of honour at my best friends wedding in like 4-5 days time. My immune system is also rather crap. I can't be in a wedding party with eyes streaming and good knows what else.. or even worse pass it to the bride! I've got a speech to do, I'm walking down the aisle first etc so I can notttt get ill this week and have done so much for this wedding!

His parents live around the corner. They aren't vulnerable or particularly old. They're healthy, his mum enjoys fussing over him anyway so he'd get treated like a prince! Am I unreasonable to ask him to go there for a few days so I don't catch this and mess up everything at the wedding?

It's going to be harder for me to relocate, I have a very important work presentation to do this week with external clients (wfh) and need a desk with 2 screens and any options I have wouldn't have a proper work space, or probably much peace and quiet. Bride has said I can stay with her but then I will struggle to concentrate from a work perspective, it's also miles away so I'll need to be travelling back every other day for personal training sessions, visiting a sick relative etc. so it's just not as practical.

My partner is still working (also from home) so it's not like he's super poorly and unable to just push through. His response was he doesn't want to make people ill by going there. If it was any other week I wouldn't be asking, but in this circumstance am I being unreasonable? He doesn't seem worried if I get ill and then the bride & co do when I stay there the night before the wedding. But doesn't want his parents to catch it when they're both fit and healthy and have nothing happening this weekend.

AIBU or is he?

I think if it was a sickness bug, or the flu, or something really bad then yes. But for just a cold, (unless it's like a REALLY terrible one) I'd probably just try and stay as far away from him as possible, wash hands, clean surfaces etc as that's the main way viruses spread.

If it's really important to you and the bride that you don't catch a cold, and DH isn't fussed about staying elsewhere then go for it, but also given you've already been together you might already have the germs, so maybe just try keep arms length from the bride when you go?

If you're only staying with the bride the night before then even if you DID have the cold, I don't reckon it would be enough time for her to catch it from you and have symptoms on her actual wedding day.

I think it's thoughtful, and tbh even though now I'd say it's over the top, I remember my wedding and it's the biggest deal, it's the biggest day of your life and you want it all to be perfect. I remember worrying about what if we get ill on the day etc and can't go ahead with it... It all just feels like such a big deal at the time so I can understand.

I recently had an awful sickness bug and turns out my neighbour's kid was sick the night before they invited me and my family round. Me and all my family got it later that week and it was AWFUL. I could have murdered her for not telling us and still inviting us round!

Thank you, valid point.

Thank you.

I'm not invested in this for myself. If anything I'll be glad once it's over as it's been a LOT and I've done soooo much for it.

But yes she is very invested and it's like the only thing she has spoken about when I've seen her for this past year, so I know she would be livid if I wasn't there or if she got sick. Whether that's right or not doesn't really matter. But whatever will be will be at this point, I will stay contained in my office room and just keep my fingers crossed.

Already spilt water on my keyboard now so hoping that's the peak of bad luck and it'll all level off by the weekend!

I think you’re getting really nervous about the wedding in general. Sleep on the sofa, use some OTC preventative nasal spray. Get some of the room spray that kills viruses and keep all your windows open.

Well I do have to give a speech and certainly shitting myself there. Public speaking is my ultimate fear.

I just don't want to let anyone down - don't want to impact their day negatively but also don't want to upset my partner. He isn't going to go now anyway, we are just going to do as some have suggested, windows and doors open.. disinfect disinfect disinfect!

Get some of that First Defence stuff and use it consistently every few hours right up until and through the wedding

My DH would have offered by now. It doesn't seem unreasonable to me. It's not as if the circumstances are as usual.

I'd also make him take a COVID test, just in case.

I think you should go if he’s not keen

Do him some ginger lemon and honey tea. I do a big pan of it if any of us have a cold and reheat as required. It's kinda nice as well.

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I can understand your anxiety about making a speech, just remember that everyone is there to enjoy the day, so don’t worry about any slip ups, they’re part of a wedding. Please try and look forward to the day and not spend any more time worrying about what may or may not go wrong. As for catching a cold, the bride and groom can pick up one anywhere, it happens.

Thank you, I think I needed this! ☀️

i dont understand why you told the bride he had a cold-she already sounds stress now there something else she cant do anything about

if you live on same house youve prob already caught it

I’d put money on it being hayfever if he’s been camping. People who have never suffered are having a horrid time this year.

just in case it’s not:

good hygiene (from both of you), good ventilation, sleep separately, Vitamin c and first defence spray and more good hygiene.

Exposing other people unnecessarily seems very ott

It’s too late.

you have been exposed now

It came up in conversation plus he is friends with her partner and they had obviously mentioned it. I don't think it's an issue to be transparent that I'm trying to avoid it.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I had an eyelash or something in my eye on our wedding day. I couldn’t get it out. It was really uncomfortable and my eye watered all day plus my period came on very heavy very early. It was a beautiful sunny day and I felt horrid all day and found it really hard to pose for photos as my eye was driving me nuts and the bright light was aggravating it. 12 years on I don’t think I’ve had anything in my eye since but I still remember that dam eyelash!

Unless they've been isolating, there is of course the possibility that B&G have already been exposed to cold viruses from other people and given how easily cold viruses spread, it's too late for you anyway.

I can relate to this! Sometimes the tiniest of things can be quite an issue on an occasion like this. Plus I know my friend, she isn't the most laid back person in the world, and she has these expectations for her big day, I think if anything deviates from that she will be quite upset. I know we can never guarantee any of that and anything could happen, but if there is an element somewhat in my control it would be this one.

But yes, I know they could catch colds or any number of issues from others/external circumstances anyway.

I'm extremely burnt out and stressed right for several reasons so I think it's just another thing to worry about that I really could have done without today.

There is no way anyone can prove where a virus came from. If the bride develops a cold ( it's more likely that she won't), then she could have picked up a virus from any of the other guests or from a surface.
You are overthinking it all. Make sure your DH uses tissues, wipe down surfaces and handles, and you should be fine.
You are going to do your presentation before the wedding, so you could possibly pick up a virus there.

Buy yourself an air bed and sleep in the spare room.

@ErinAndTonic you've had some really good advice here on how to try and minimise the risk of you catching it but please, please chill out.

You've got an important work presentation and that should be your focus, not possibly giving your friend the sniffles. Life works like this, yes it would be unfortunate if she had a cold on her honeymoon but it wouldn't ruin her life.

When DH and I got married I had such a bad cold I had to have a tissue in one hand, which I duly had to discreetly pass to one of my bm's when it came to exchanging the rings... and no, she didn't catch it from my tissue.

It'll be fine

@ErinAndTonic But yes, I know they could catch colds or any number of issues from others/external circumstances anyway.

Yes but you're just being considerate and lessening their risk.

Just realised I'm married 15 years not 12 so that damm eyelash has had long lasting effects! 😀

You have a busy week. Good luck with presentation then chill and enjoy the wedding, It'll all be alright in the end. I hope you have a great time.

This.

Sorry but you do come across really entitled! My husbands health is way more important than a wedding. Yes you will feel shitty and Yes it's an inconvenience but it's a flaming cold for Christ sake. It's not black plague or anything that is going to kill you. You pop a few paracetamols and you suck it up like a good friend