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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to stay at his parents for the week?

170 replies

ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 09:42

I'm not sure who is being unreasonable here.. happy to be corrected if I am, this has caused some contention in the house this morning 😅

Partner has come down with a stinking cold. Probably self inflicted for buggering off camping this weekend, while I stayed home cleaning like a good little house maid as usual. (So yes a little resentment there haha)

Anyway, he's come down with a stinking could and is spluttering everywhere, sneezing, a giant hot mess. I am going to be the maid of honour at my best friends wedding in like 4-5 days time. My immune system is also rather crap. I can't be in a wedding party with eyes streaming and good knows what else.. or even worse pass it to the bride! I've got a speech to do, I'm walking down the aisle first etc so I can notttt get ill this week and have done so much for this wedding!

His parents live around the corner. They aren't vulnerable or particularly old. They're healthy, his mum enjoys fussing over him anyway so he'd get treated like a prince! Am I unreasonable to ask him to go there for a few days so I don't catch this and mess up everything at the wedding?

It's going to be harder for me to relocate, I have a very important work presentation to do this week with external clients (wfh) and need a desk with 2 screens and any options I have wouldn't have a proper work space, or probably much peace and quiet. Bride has said I can stay with her but then I will struggle to concentrate from a work perspective, it's also miles away so I'll need to be travelling back every other day for personal training sessions, visiting a sick relative etc. so it's just not as practical.

My partner is still working (also from home) so it's not like he's super poorly and unable to just push through. His response was he doesn't want to make people ill by going there. If it was any other week I wouldn't be asking, but in this circumstance am I being unreasonable? He doesn't seem worried if I get ill and then the bride & co do when I stay there the night before the wedding. But doesn't want his parents to catch it when they're both fit and healthy and have nothing happening this weekend.

AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
NoTouch · 12/06/2023 11:10

Its a cold. There with be other people at the wedding with colds.

You are being OTT, even mentioning it to the bride as some dramatic wedding ruining issue has now made it into something much bigger than it is. How on earth do you manage to deal with real issues?

rainbowstardrops · 12/06/2023 11:11

I actually think you're being quite thoughtful @ErinAndTonic. Well for the bride anyway.
I presume you haven't got an actual office to go into to do your presentation or postponing it for a week isn't an option?
It's not fair for your partner to be shipped out to his parents though but I'd definitely be spraying everything with antibacterial spray and asking him to isolate away from you as much as possible. If he's just been camping, I presume he's ok with an airbed?!

DuckonaBike · 12/06/2023 11:11

OP, go to Boots and get yourself some Dual Defence spray. Squirt it up your nose several times a day. At best it will stop you catching the cold, and even if you do catch it, you can reduce the symptoms.

I think there’s a branded version that other pharmacies sell too but I can’t remember what it’s called.

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 11:11

NoTouch · 12/06/2023 11:10

Its a cold. There with be other people at the wedding with colds.

You are being OTT, even mentioning it to the bride as some dramatic wedding ruining issue has now made it into something much bigger than it is. How on earth do you manage to deal with real issues?

Wow, this is lovely.

OP posts:
celticprincess · 12/06/2023 11:12

TheShellBeach · 12/06/2023 10:13

How did camping make him get a cold?

This is what I wondered too. It’s Monday. If he’s got a cold then he picked it up last week in contact with someone with a cold. Unless it’s actually hayfever - I’ve come back from camping with stinking hayfever.

Yoire hardly going to make the bride sick for her wedding if you did catch it and turn up with a cold. She would come down with it a good few days later. If she actually caught it from you. If you actually caught it. Lots of what ifs.

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 11:13

rainbowstardrops · 12/06/2023 11:11

I actually think you're being quite thoughtful @ErinAndTonic. Well for the bride anyway.
I presume you haven't got an actual office to go into to do your presentation or postponing it for a week isn't an option?
It's not fair for your partner to be shipped out to his parents though but I'd definitely be spraying everything with antibacterial spray and asking him to isolate away from you as much as possible. If he's just been camping, I presume he's ok with an airbed?!

My actual office is 2h each way and costs a fortune if not prebooked unfortunately. I'm also considering finding an empty ish Starbucks..

OP posts:
Kiwano · 12/06/2023 11:13

Any chance of putting the presentation off? Presumably you'd have to anyway if you caught the cold.

WestHamAreMassive · 12/06/2023 11:14

You said you're happy to be corrected but obviously not 😂

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 11:14

Clearly my camping sarcasm has ruffled a few people up the wrong way. I was being playful. Mostly cos he got to go away for like the third weekend in 4 while I'm playing house so I'm a little put out by it.. but it was all said in jest. I know that he may well have caught it before or from being in his office last week or whatever. I don't think we can ever pinpoint where these things come from!

OP posts:
Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 11:15

WestHamAreMassive · 12/06/2023 11:14

You said you're happy to be corrected but obviously not 😂

Surely me apologising to him kinda negates what you just said?

OP posts:
Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 11:15

Kiwano · 12/06/2023 11:13

Any chance of putting the presentation off? Presumably you'd have to anyway if you caught the cold.

If there was a chance of that I'd be rolling around trying to get his germs 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
Scalottia · 12/06/2023 11:15

Some women get so gaga over weddings. The bride is the one that suggested he go? I find that quite rude, but then again my friends wouldn't think to ask this.

If it's so important and serious OP why so many 'haha's' in your posts?

Grumpyfroghats · 12/06/2023 11:15

I think it's unreasonable to expect him to be the one to inconvenience himself when you're the one who feels strongly about it.

I usually use two screens - similar sort of work to you - and it is annoying to use one but it's completely doable. If this is that important to you, compromise and do that

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 11:16

Scalottia · 12/06/2023 11:15

Some women get so gaga over weddings. The bride is the one that suggested he go? I find that quite rude, but then again my friends wouldn't think to ask this.

If it's so important and serious OP why so many 'haha's' in your posts?

Who said everything was so important and serious? I like to see the funny side in things, not sure what's wrong with that?

OP posts:
weirdoboelady · 12/06/2023 11:17

No need for him to sleep on the floor. Buy a camping mattress and YOU sleep on it, in the spare room. This sort is especially comfortable, although I appreciate quite a bit pricier than the £10, lower sort which I think are in Aldi ATM.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B01HZSO9MY/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

weirdoboelady · 12/06/2023 11:17

(and you could wear an FFP2 mask around the house)

Scalottia · 12/06/2023 11:18

ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 11:14

Clearly my camping sarcasm has ruffled a few people up the wrong way. I was being playful. Mostly cos he got to go away for like the third weekend in 4 while I'm playing house so I'm a little put out by it.. but it was all said in jest. I know that he may well have caught it before or from being in his office last week or whatever. I don't think we can ever pinpoint where these things come from!

Have you discussed the weekends away with him, told him that it bothers you? There's no point complaining to us about it - just talk to him! I think there's more to this than a cold.

GucciBear · 12/06/2023 11:19

The wedding is in like 4 - 5 days time? Don't you know the exact date?!

Spritetype · 12/06/2023 11:20

OP isn't asking him to go and live on top of everest for a week, but stay around the corner with his parents who 'treat him like a prince'. Fair enough for him to say no, but cripes there's some overreaction and have a half on here.

Kabbalah · 12/06/2023 11:22

It's not the cold meriting him being sent away. It's the fact it could impact me which then impacts the wedding if I'm a horrible mess at the top table, in all the pics etc

IMHO it's down to you to find somewhere else: you'll just have to put some more thought into it.

Sunshine275 · 12/06/2023 11:23

I kinda think you’ve been in contact now if you’re going to get it you’re going to get it.
If I was unwell I’d want the comforts of home.

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 11:23

GucciBear · 12/06/2023 11:19

The wedding is in like 4 - 5 days time? Don't you know the exact date?!

Well yes.
It's on Saturday however I will be staying with the bride Friday, hence 4-5

OP posts:
WillyLows · 12/06/2023 11:24

Get some First Defense and squirt it up your nose. It's saved me from several colds and I get them badly. Start taking echinacea too.

Original poster
ErinAndTonic · 12/06/2023 11:24

Spritetype · 12/06/2023 11:20

OP isn't asking him to go and live on top of everest for a week, but stay around the corner with his parents who 'treat him like a prince'. Fair enough for him to say no, but cripes there's some overreaction and have a half on here.

Thank you 😄

He would probably have a more luxurious experience feasting on steaks from Waitrose every night than my super speedy meals cos I've got so much wedmin to help her with!

OP posts:
ANiceBigCupOfTea · 12/06/2023 11:25

I think you sound very resentful of his lifestyle - I think maybe you don't even realise this yourself.
We are talking about a cold here and there are many simple solutions to prevent catching or even the severity of a cold. You've been around him so you've already been exposed to it.
I don't think you were unreasonable to ask him, but now that he's said no you need to accept it or relocate yourself for a few days and work around the issues that might cause ie reschedule your PT sessions, and ensure your relative has everything they need or have someone else going in.

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