Inheritance again, sort of

[Leastsaidsoonestscrewed]

Aibu to look askance at those who leave large cash sums to adult children when they die which they could have given them during their lifetime? Not talking property here, which can always be sold to fund care.
But leaving kids to fend for themselves, to go on multiple holidays or buying a holiday home instead of funding them regularly, making them wait until their fifties or even later before getting any security?
Feels like peak selfish boomer behaviour to me. Surely if you have spare unearned cash from investment etc your Millennial or Gen x kids deserve it more, what with COL crisis, high mortgage rates and all?

Lol

What's funny?

It's not your money!

Why would you expect them to find your life, the selfish behaviour is by you, thinking you deserve this.

for me the problem is this: i'm still healthy and don't know how long i will live. i don't know how much more the cost of living will go up (example my latest refrigerator cost me 2x what my older fridge cost) and between now and 80 (i'm 66) i will undoubtably need another car, another set of washer/dryer etc.
and once i'm 80 and downsize to again a smaller home (hoping to be fit and able to live in a seniors apartment complex).
my "savings" are stuck in a tax differed saving plan and i'm still too young to pull it (recommended age 72).
my mother is 90 and she recently gifted the grandchildren a significant sum (yes many of us dreadful boomers still have parents that are alive and well). so they have recently received financial gifts.
oh and contrary to popular belief all three of mine own (mortgaged) their own homes the youngest 38 got on the housing ladder at 24? neither of my other two are in serious need despite the rising cost of living. we frequently discuss family finances and financial planning.
actually rereading your post you don't seem particularly knowledgeable regarding investments.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yes Op yabu

when i was first on the housing ladder, (1985) the mortgage rate was 10.5% and was 12% at one point.
in order to make payments i worked night shifts and slept after the kids went to school (yes getting up mid day to prep supper (slowcooker) and manage the home (laundry) ) mid sleep.
i also had to give up a telephone long distance plan and resort to mailing my parents (who lived 2000 miles away) oh yes i moved to where the work was living in a very very remote community for the sake of having a job.
my parents were part of the silent generation and your idea is firmly imbedded in my brain as a plan that would cripple your independence. yes my parents are the same vintage as warren buffet. you don't see warren buffet gifting his money away do you? btw he's not a boomer!!
you might need to read a bit more about the influence of the silent generation to better understand why no one taking you seriously.
i am generous to my children. i will make sure my grandchildren and equally well taken care of.

peak selfish boomer behaviour?

Ageist stereotyping.

Also, the parents of Generation X are mostly from the Silent Generation.

Divesting yourself of assets in old age is a risky business, your independence depends on being able to be self supporting. I’ve seen people render themselves dependent on thankless offspring through their own generosity, it’s not a path I’d follow.

Surely if you have spare unearned cash from investment etc your Millennial or Gen x kids deserve it more, what with COL crisis, high mortgage rates and all?

No. They don't. As it isn't their money. Your parents have done the hard work and now get to enjoy their money,, why shouldn't they?! If you need more money, get a second job, don't feel entitled to someone's else's money.

Can't really talk as my (non boomer) mother was amazingly generous to me.

But in general YABU. Come on. is it a reverse?

Can you be any more entitled? It's not your money.

There is nothing like the feeling that you have got stuff through your own efforts. I would have felt very strange accepting large sums of money from my parents and much preferred them to spend it on themselves.

"unearned cash" -- did your parents rob a bank?

YABU to expect this.

however, a friend who is a wealth manager says all the time that Boomers he deals (reasonably well off but not real wealth) with are sitting on loads of cash & shares & property theyll never spend whilst their 25-40 year old kids are working incredibly hard to make ends meet. He wishes people did better work out what their planned retirement looks like and gift away the rest.

What an entitled opinion OP. YABVVU. You know "boomer" is an insult, right?
How many of the post war generation actually have large sums of spare cash hanging around?
I am 70 and helping fund, with my siblings, the 24 hr care of a 98 yo mother with Alzeheimer's who has outlived her savings.

My money/pensions is for my own needs/future care and anything remaining after I die, my dc inherit. Should I deplete it now to give them money? That's a hard no as I am responsible for funding my own old age. I don't want to have to depend on my dc for help.

My dh spent months away from home on a work pattern that is no longer used, so I was in effect a single parent for the many years we followed him around jobs, living in shit holes foreign countries where I couldn't speak a word of the local language. I used to walk around with a language dictionary in my bag and a baby on my hip. When we returned to the UK and bought our first house, mortgage rates hit 17% and we ate tinned corned beef for ages. Bet you didn't know that one tin of corned beef could stretch to meal for a family of four.

DH went through two sets of redundancies and once again had to go overseas to find work while I stayed in the UK as dc were at crucial school stages and I had a job.

peak selfish boomer You have formed your views of my generation from a position of privilege.

You don’t know what will happen in future. With the current disaster that is the NHS people may need to spend £££ on medical care. Labour could get in and start taxing people at high rates. If you need extra cash get a better job or a second job, plenty on offer

Hang on. If the parents have ‘unearned’ cash. And give it to their adult children. Surely the adult children haven’t earned it either?

Whats the problem with investments? Why are you ok with Gen X and Millenials benefiting from ‘unearned cash’ but not happy with the people who actually invested their own money, benefitting from it?

He wishes people did better work out what their planned retirement looks like and gift away the rest.

He should share his ideas on how to fund a future life when you don't know how much you will have to pay in private care fees etc. You can't claw back money you've given away only to find, years down the road, that you've lived longer than expected and need more money.

Jesus fucking Christ this has to be a wind up.

Well of course it is!

I've friends who have had constant financial support by both sets of parents, not being 'left to fend for themselves'.

They haven't bothered to look after themselves at all. Rely on handouts & constantly whine about money because they spend everything they get them hand out for more. In reality it's made them greedy, entitled & completely removed from reality. They're going on abroad holiday number two shortly & are complaining massively about everything imperfect!!

It drives me insane, to the point I've had to step back because I can't take the entitled attitude anymore.

My DM is in her 80s and has tens of thousands sitting in the bank doing nothing. I've had to give up work to care for a husband with a life limiting illness, so money is tight for us.

Do I think my DM should gift me regular handouts? No. It's her money that she and my late father earned through hard work and wise investments. We don't have a crystal ball to see into the future for when she may need this money. If she gifted me large sums now then I'd get caught for inheritance tax if she died suddenly anyway.

I will be grateful if I receive an inheritance when my DM dies, but until then it's her money and none of my business.

The entitlement of some people really amazes me! Better not let slip your attitude to your parents OP or they may change their wills and leave it all to charity.

My parents are in this exact position - boomers with a lot of spare cash, and I'm an only child in the trenches with mortgage childcare and cost of living hitting hard.

I think you're being totally unreasonable

A) how do you KNOW there won't be any care costs? My folks could live another two decades or more and might need everything they have built up to keep them comfortable in their final years. Or they might not. We have no idea

b) it's their money, not mine! I'm early 40s and have hardly any pension savings and it does worry me but frankly I made different choices to them. They sacrificed every bit in their 20s for family life and I had a lot more freedom, lived alone, travelled, built up a career I'm proud of before having children and will have to sort out the consequences of my decisions now - not expect someone to bail me out because I had children later

C) actually handing it over early can result in huge inheritance tax charges if you happen to konk out suddenly within the next 7 years. So you might get much less overall

D) it's not actually your money. If they are kind enough to leave you some, it should be at the point of their choosing (death if they wish)

I was really poor when I was younger. Scraping bits off the bottom of the freezer poor. No holidays, no car, no new clothes, no visits to the hairdresser, no fun, working every hour God sends poor. I have worked damned hard to get where I am today and yes, I received some money from my mother when she died... finally financially stable, able to go on holiday, run a car, own my own home stable. I am also over 60 and have the prospect of either working until I drop or having to manage on my pension. Why should I give my money to my children so that they can go on holiday etc. and not be able to do that myself? I do help them out if they need it but I went through 30 years of hardship before I was in a comfortable position and I don't want to be in that place now. I know there are people out there who are genuinely in hardship but how many of the people complaining about not being able to step onto the property ladder also seem to be able to get their hair and nails done, go to the pub, get takeaways etc? I couldn't dream of doing those things when I was younger and I don't see why I shouldn't be able to do them now - if I want to. When I die my children will benefit but before then I would like to be able to have a life please, one where I don't have to worry if I have an unexpected bill or there is a financial emergency of any kind.