Inheritance again, sort of

[Leastsaidsoonestscrewed]

Aibu to look askance at those who leave large cash sums to adult children when they die which they could have given them during their lifetime? Not talking property here, which can always be sold to fund care.
But leaving kids to fend for themselves, to go on multiple holidays or buying a holiday home instead of funding them regularly, making them wait until their fifties or even later before getting any security?
Feels like peak selfish boomer behaviour to me. Surely if you have spare unearned cash from investment etc your Millennial or Gen x kids deserve it more, what with COL crisis, high mortgage rates and all?

Hoping for a great escape - I sympathise. The generation now retiring has benefitted from a massive increase in house prices, which is ‘unearned income’. For them, the increase in value may be ‘paper money’, but for their children and grandchild it is real money.

The consequence of that house price inflation is that ordinary people can have luxurious retirements, while their children and grandchildren are often much poorer, and working to pay for the inflated houses of their parents generation with nothing left over.

It is not the fault of any one individual, but I will certainly be planning to give my kids a housing deposit, even if that means downsizing.

Yes I think this is how a lot of older and now comfortable people feel.

When I moved into my first home we had deck chairs borrowed from my parents for living room furniture (that's how they helped us and much appreciated it was too). We had one working cooker ring and a microwave for a.kitchen and the portable TV from DH's childhood bedroom. Didn't go on holiday for years and then it was short UK breaks. Never ate out or had takeaways.

It's ridiculous when you hear today's young people complain they've got "nothing" with a house full of tech, think nothing of ordering out and new clothes and nights out on a regular basis.

Also, it's very hard to know what to do to help them most. We know that earning it ourselves probably leads to greater happiness/satisfaction than being handed it. It's not about being selfish, it's a genuine concern hat too much help doesn't actually help them.

I wouldn't see my DC destitute, but I don't think you help them long term by making life too easy. I already worry that their lives have been a bit too comfortable for them to understand what it is to be self sufficient/how hard you have to work to have the standard of living they are accustomed to.

I'm not sure why you feel it's peek selfish behaviour. If that's the case aren't we all selfish. If 30 somethings go on holiday with their young children are they selfish for not paying for mum/gran walk in shower or private hip replacement? Are they selfish for spending weekends for doing what they want, attending friends BBQ.
Are boomers selfish for not giving free childcare.

My view is that once you're an adult you're on your own. Not all boomers Gen X have a paid for home. Many are widows on pension credits wondering how they can pay fee gas bill.

BTW I don't think many people have security unlit they're in their 50s. Most parents would lend/give a cash sum to help someone get on the housing ladder but not of they had no way of replacing those savings. Having a few £1000 in savings is nothing if you're not working.

What's brought this up?

Personally I agree with the OP.

In the last few years my husband has varied two wills of which he was a beneficiary, in order to pass some of the money to our children.

Earlier this year we gave one daughter a substantial amount in order to enable her to buy her first flat. It only has one bedroom but as a 23 year old teacher in her first year of teaching there is no way she could have afforded to buy anything by herself in this area. As it was, she had a very healthy deposit.

We will do the same for her sister when she is in a position to get a mortgage.

Obviously we are lucky that we have been in a position to do that. Our pensions are big enough to give us a comfortable lifestyle, and things will be easier when we have stopped supporting one daughter through her Masters by paying her rent, bills and food. And easier again in 5 years time when I receive my state pension.

My husband was in his late 60s when he inherited. I'm hoping to live another 30 years. I would much rather pass the money on now, while our children can benefit from it, rather than making them wait until we are both dead.

If one of needs to go into care, we can always downsize and use the money from the house.

I think my own parents are holding onto money they could be spending (including on themselves) now because they are terrified of being a burden on us "children" if they need expensive care when it's all gone.

I think it's very risky to assume the state will pick up anything going forward but certainly having some cash behind you will provide choice.

I mean. My parents are in the US so it's different (if you think old age is expensive here, imagine is there. DF is currently paying thousands just for a co-pay on cancer medication, and that's with retiring from a government job with a very decent insurance plan. But I digress..) but I definitely assume my parents will need their money eventually. You have no idea what is coming (the aforementioned cancer, for example!) and they aren't in the position to just earn more money when that time comes.

As a Gen x I appreciate my parents’ generosity, enjoy their holiday home and boat, and hope that we will have many many years left to enjoy each other’s company.
my friend’s PIL cashed in their pension to be able to pay for their children’s university. One child barely supports himself, and my friend is really resenting having to support her PIL whilst struggling to support own family.

I never understand how people can watch a child struggle (adult or not) whilst sitting on a ton of money. My late grandfather had literally 100’s of 1000’s in his account and watched his own disabled and ill daughter struggle immensely in what turned out to be her last years. He could have gifted her enough to make some significant changes and ease her day to day. Instead she died before him.

He died shortly after, leaving money to everyone, I returned mine to the executors. I never wanted a thing from him, only to do the decent thing when he was alive.

I think it depends what you mean by struggle. In that circumstance I would most definitely support a DC. In fact my DF paid a salary from his business to his disabled sister her entire life. He still felt his intelligent, able bodied children who'd had every advantage growing up should be able to support themselves.

A lot of the situations people here talk of as "struggling" are exactly what the parents faced as young people and they know that there's a lot to be gained from overcoming it yourself.

I have thought about giving my DCs a cash sum, but it's not that easy really, the money is invested not just sitting around and I use the income to supplement my pension, it might look like a lot of money, but the interest after tax is not that great and I don't know if I will need some/all of the capital as I get older. Obviously I help them out if they need something, but can't just hand over a big lump sum.

I didn't inherit anything from my family, they all lived pretty much hand to mouth, we were the first generation with good education and a possibility to make a reasonable income, which my parents encouraged us to do.

£1.1 million pounds?
That is how much care has been for 2 of men relatives

I kind of understand what you are thinking. I was left some money by my mum when she passed away.

I had around 70K, I paid off the mortgage I had left and a car loan, and gave my 3 adult children 7k each.

Yes I may find myself wishing I had more money later on, but it was so nice to actually see the kids have a bit now rather than all of mine when I go. If my house needs selling to fund me when I'm older I will be doubly glad I did it.

Except nowhere did I say it was my parents, in fact they're already dead. But I'm sure you both enjoyed the sense of gotcha.😂oops.

So I shouldn't go on holiday or have a holiday home at 65, I should give DS the money instead, that is what you are saying, so he can use it to go on holiday or buy a holiday home

Why are you laughing about your parents being dead

How dare you want a holiday home when your child might not have saved a deposit for their first home yet. How selfish for you to think you should enjoy the fruits of your labours when your children don't own a home yet. /s

If I bought a holiday home I'd see it as an investment for the kids in a way. They could stay there sometimes too and they will inherit it later.

But I'm sure you both enjoyed the sense of gotcha

Not a "gotcha @Leastsaidsoonestscrewed but a disagreement with your point of view. A disagreement based on a longer perspective and experience of living through several high inflationary cycles and VERY high mortgage interest rates.

Someone's referred to the potential inheritance tax implications of dishing out large sums and then dying within 7 years.

The phrase people need to remember- and it applies both to inheritance tax and future care needs - is "deprivation of assets".

Yes, but whereas IHT has a strict timetable and specific rules, Deprivation of Assets is a moveable feast and not subject to any fixed timescale, sum or type of spending. If a deposit for a house was given to a marrying offspring while the donor was still living independently and free of progressive / life limiting conditions it would be hard for the LA to prove DoA.

This is what AgeUK have to say about it:https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/paying-for-care/paying-for-a-care-home/deprivation-of-assets/

Not really.

Although it does make the point that the younger you are when you give money away, the better.

Deprivation of assets is only going to apply if you are actually depriving yourself of assets to avoid a known future need for money for care. In other words, it doesn't usually apply. Unless you are already ill with something progressive eg dementia. Being old isn't enough

Inheritance tax is only applicable once you have enough in assets to pay it in the first place, and is tapered across a 7 year period

So give early and give often.

Yabu
i say this as a poor person, with rich parents

"your Millennial or Gen x kids deserve it more, "

Why? Why do they "deserve" my money more than I do? We scrimped and saved for years to buy a nice house with a garden in a nice area for them to grow up in. We paid for their education and extra-curricular activities for them. We took them on VERY nice holidays and supported them through university.
They are now well-qualified in their fields and earning good money.

Why should we now give them yet more, now we can finally relax a little bit and do the (tired-looking) house up and travel abroad ourselves?