Inheritance again, sort of

[Leastsaidsoonestscrewed]

Aibu to look askance at those who leave large cash sums to adult children when they die which they could have given them during their lifetime? Not talking property here, which can always be sold to fund care.
But leaving kids to fend for themselves, to go on multiple holidays or buying a holiday home instead of funding them regularly, making them wait until their fifties or even later before getting any security?
Feels like peak selfish boomer behaviour to me. Surely if you have spare unearned cash from investment etc your Millennial or Gen x kids deserve it more, what with COL crisis, high mortgage rates and all?

This. Who wants to die a wealthy pensioner?
PIL have thousands in the bank and live frugally. Don't get it.
I was a district nurse for many years and social services care homes actually provided some of the best care.

YABU but I do get it. A few years ago I had to sit through a ‘family discussion’ about what FIL could possibly do with the spare £000k’s he had hanging around. This was while both his sons sat there, struggling with mortgages, childcare etc etc. I had to bite my tongue but it’s not anyone’s place to tell
him to give it away. He seems very proud of what he will be able to hand down to his boys but he won’t be doing that ‘early’. His choice.

No-one knows the future so why would you give your money away while still alive? You may need it. Parents need to let their kids find a way to support themselves, having seen it many times, parents who have financially dependant kids well into adulthood do them no good whatsoever. An inheritance shouldn't be your financial planning.

Surely if you have spare unearned cash from investment etc your Millennial or Gen x kids deserve it more, what with COL crisis, high mortgage rates and all?

No one has the right to be sniffing around someone else's money. Anyone who feels entitled to someone else's cash because they 'need it more' is the very definition of a vulture.

Oh this is one of Mumsnet standard black & white opinions. On Mumsnet, you should NEVER expect any support from wealthy parents and if you are resentful of billionaire pensioners while you queue up for a food parcel at your local food bank, you are (gasp) entitled.

i am not British, but it has long been my observation that the British believe parenting to be a fixed term contract. To this generation now enjoying their retirement, sending their children to boarding schools when they were barely out of nappies, was perfectly normal. It is not hard to understand why the same generation is now totally comfortable to live in luxury even if they have adult children living in poverty.

I doubt the OP is talking about elderly parents going without so that they can support adult children (although my mother, living on a state pension, still tries to offer me money), but about the millionaire 70 somethings, living in 5 bedroom homes, with second homes, 6 cars on the drive and cash stashed into Jersey bank accounts, trying very hard to find ways to spend it. My MIL is donating five figure sums to her old school, to a political party (yep guess which one!) and museums. They are the millionaire pensioners I described above. We, on the other hand, are being wiped out by the cost of living crisis. DH is disabled (wheelchair user). Universal credit. Am I resentful of having my nose rubbed in it when they show me their 7th car they bought, a brand new Porche? Yes I fucking am. I think what the OP, and one of the previous posters is referring to, is that cohort of the silent generation who don’t have to worry about paying for care, who have got everything covered, and yet would rather watch their children struggle than part with the wealth they have accumulated - well I think that is gross. And if your only argument is ‘it’s their money they don’t have to give it to you’ well duh. Morally is a lot more nuanced than the legal ownership of wealth.

Frankly I'd rather leave my money to a charity than to you OP.

You do realise that when you use the term 'boomer' what people actually hear is "Ignore me I'm a twat."

I am not British, but it has long been my observation that the British believe parenting to be a fixed term contract. To this generation now enjoying their retirement, sending their children to boarding schools when they were barely out of nappies, was perfectly normal.

Yes that's right. We all live in Mallory Towers.

Whilst your use of Boomer shows a certain contempt for your parents and their generation, I do agree in principle that they should help if they can so YANBU. It does depend how much spare money they have though as they should not leave themselves in a risky situation. IMHO children do not suddenly cease to be your responsibility when they grow up and some of the responses on here come across as cold and uncaring. As another that had a mortgage in the early 1980s it is so much harder now as everything costs so much more, not just the mortgage. Also mortgages are so much larger these days and work harder to come by.

OP just comes over as being a bit sour because her parents are going on holiday instead of giving the money to her

Are we supposed to just sit and watch TV all day OP or go for a nice walk.

Fending for yourself isccharacter-building and just used to be considered what normal adultes did.

Yes, I was on the property ladder at 21, with my 28-year old husband.

We were in the house 9 months before we had .a second-hand fridge, our cooker also second-hand fitted as a foreigner by someone from the British Gas showroom. Washing machine? No chance. We went to a launderette in a grotty area, where you had to stay to ensure your washing wasn't stolen. Our car was 10 years old, and we spent weekends with a Haynes workshop manual making sure it would run the following week.

I inherited £25 from a great aunt when I was 34. My mother inherited everything from my father and sold her home on a plan to make sure I got nothing. Some help towards £25000 costs for PTSD would've been nice, perhaps.

So, no foreign holidays, no new cars, no expensive gadgets, no TV for the first 4 years

But, OP, it didn't matter, it was what it was. I'd have died of shame before asking my elderly retired parents for help. I was an adult

Kinda agree- my MIL receive a 6 figure inheritance and goes on about how its her earned money and her right to spend as she wants (mainly on whims and it's almost gone already) when she was already mortgage free and had a good pension. Me and DH could do with a loft conversion and BIL lives in a friend's conservatory to save rent.

BUT she Is always saying they'll get the house when she dies- unless of course she needs a care home when it'll all go on that. However it's her house and her life and her money. Can't expect people will make the same decisions that I would for my kids.

My kids may well deserve it more. Sounds like your mum’s kid does not.

I’m one of these entitled boomers and although your post is a bit aggressive and demanding, I sort of agree with you.
So far I have funded driving lessons, cars, holidays as adults, support at university, deposits for rented flats, deposits for first property purchases and some furniture.

This is actually quite common in my friendship circle, despite us all having average pay jobs.

Have you tried being a bit more friendly and agreeable, your parents might be a bit more tempted to treat you.

So it’s not ok for her to spend money she was left on what she fancies.

She should give it to you, to spend on what you fancy?

I am Gen X (age 54), I’ve helped one DC with a flat (70k help), have money put by for my other two adult DC when they are a bit older.
I go on multiple holidays per year (approximately 8 proper h) but I haven’t even considered regularly financially helping my DC well apart from two of them living at home and funding university.

My DM is is wealthy, mortgage free house, large sums of money in the bank. But she is also anxious about her future and finances. This stems from growing up with no money as her parent were frivolous with money. It would be lovely if she gifted some money but she won't due to anxiety regarding money. And that's that.

We have talked about the future and I have to constantly reassure she has enough money and what ever the future holds we will sort if out. The money she has is not mine and I don't expect any it. She is also terrified of the tax man, scammers etc and constantly checks her bank account.

@SuelladeVil you make a lot of generalisations about Brits, about a generation, based on your MIL. Only a tiny minority have ever been able to afford boarding school, let alone want to send their kids there.

Really? Doing himself out of those lovely assets under management to make his profits from? Sure

It's difficult. I am mid-fifties, my parents are late 70s. They live in a 2 million pound house with 5 bedrooms. My father benefited from free university fees and a grant, but he refused to fill out the grant forms for me when I had an unconditional offer at Durham, so I couldn't go (the rules changed in 1985 and grants became means-tested). We live in a 2 bed terrace worth about £300k in the same area as my parents. Our child is still at school in this area, but we are desperate to move to a larger house, which will realistically mean moving a few hundred miles away. Are we selfish for moving away when my parents are starting to need help/care? Our house and garden are too small to invite them (or anyone really) over for Sunday lunch, our child feels embarrassed to invite her friends here to a certain extent. We would like her to have a double room eventually so that if/when she has a steady boyfriend, they are able to stay

You are mid 50’s!

Let me guess, OP, you have your eyes on your in laws money. It’s always the in laws money.

Older people need to have money put by if possible to fund medical bills, one or two years is a long time to wait for treatment and I cant see the NHS improving any time soon. Older people often pay and go rather than use medical insurance

@WonderDays not sure what your point is? That in our mid-fifties we shouldn't think about moving away? That in our mid-fifties we should have managed to buy a more expensive house? What?

Why is it that the younger generation think that boomers, gen x should give away anything we have?
Downsize so it frees up family homes, give away our savings etc.
Do millennials think the fairies came in the night and gifted us houses and money
I'm gen x and I've worked bloody hard for everything I have, bought a house only to watch the interest rates go through the roof, no free childcare hours, I payed for it, single parent with no financial help, now in my late 50's I'm supposed to hand it all over to the next generation.
You really need to give your head a shake op, you really don't have a clue.
I would like to keep everything I've grafted for my whole adult life and maybe just maybe enjoy the fruits of my labour.
I'm still working full time and hopefully when I retire I'll be able to do some of the things I've been unable to do because I've had to work to support my family.

1. I'm not at all sure it does people any good to have large sums land in their lap like that. There's a lot of self esteem ii knowing that you've earned what you have/having something to work towards. Buying your own first car for example, is way more satisfying than being given one.

1. Cash/investments may also be needed to fund care.

1. It's their money. My parents are in exactly this situation. I hope they live such long and full lives that every penny is spent and/or it gives them (and me) the security of knowing that they can have the best care/most choice in care should it be needed.